I think this counts as a "business" category, right? Well screw you, it's my blog thing so I'll do what I want. Don't try and control me, you're not the boss of me! Who the hell do you think you are? You think you can come in here, boss me around and tell me what categories to use?! Well you're wrong, mister (or missus) and your attitude shocks and appauls me. Shame on you.

Right, now that's out of the way, I have one very important question: Why is weed so expensive in Japan? Have a look at this graph:

Now, we will get to the content of the graph later but let me begin by telling you the source for the information is the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC). I realize their job is to know what's goin in with drugs in the world but where do they get these figures? I they have agents who just chill in each of these countries finding all the dealers they can and averaging the price of the weed they buy? I like to think so. Or perhaps there is some kind of international drug currency market where you can trade currency pairs and their comparative values for profit? More on that story later.

The first things that strike you in this graph (cuz you're and idiot so you immedietly check who has the cheapest and most expensive weed, followed by how much it runs for before you call your dealer) is that weed is REALLY expensive in Japan. Also, you're quite surprised by the fact that they basically hand weed out in South Africa. how is there such a massive difference in price accross the gap from (what you can safely round to) $0 to almost $60? I mean I know exchange rates, security levels and even the size of a country might affect these prices but consider this: the penalty for smuggling drugs (yes, even weed) into Singapore is death! They f**king KILL you if they catch you and it's still cheaper than in Japan. What's goin on, Japan? I suggest some government regulatory body to keep your weed prices competitive or you're gonna fall even further behind..

So South Africa next.. Uh, what? Did someone forget to ask anyone in SA and put them on the graph anyway? Keep in mind that the first line is $5/g and it's NOWHERE near it, I'd say it's below 1 and cloaser to 0 than 1.. What the hell?! I mean I know South Africa is messed up but do they really give weed out for free? Is this some new initiative by the government to up their tourism numbers? Or are they trying to improve the morale of the starving kids?

Kid1: Dude.. Free weed?
Kid2: Schweeeeet!

Yeah, I'm goin to hell.

So this whole thing has left me pondering the global weed market. I have never smoked it myself, for many reasons, but do people really pay $60/g for weed in Japan? Is weed really free in South Africa? Could you make a living taking all South Africa's weed and selling it in Japan (or somewhere easier to get into, like New Zealand.. If you get stopped at customs, shine a torch on the floor and move it around, you'll fascinate the kiwis and they'll just keep saying "ey? doo dat agayin cuz! Wooooah, dud yu see it dat tyme bro? sick! Wait! Wut?! Where dat go cuz?!" etc) and, most importantly, how many 10g packets of dried parsley could I sell in Japan for $600 each before the Japanese mafia caught me and broke my thumbs?? I dont know the answer but even if it's 1, that's good enough for me, I'll just buy me and new TV and be on my merry little way.

So there you have it kids, I have been away for a while and I have not even become slightly rusty. Damn, I'm good. I have managed to crank out another ridiculously long, marginally senseless "blog" post that deals with issues that pertain in no way to your lives. Well, except jimbo cuz he's a student and Mac cuz she lives in Rickingham. Anyhoo, it's almost home time so, as the great philosopher, Nostradamus once said..

Later, b!tches.

Wow, there is a "category" option? Where did that come from? Well, this, I suppose, is categorised as a rant. I like to rant and this is one of my pet peeves; homeless people. They're annoying, they smell, they clutter up our streets and.. uh.. did I mention they smell??

For those of you who live in Singapore, this is what a homeless person looks like:

Oh wait.. That's Nicole Richie and Mary Kate Olsen.. Well, they look like that anyway. So, moving on, the question what do homeless people have to do with the economy? Not a lot, right, they have no purchasing power, very few of them have stock protfolios and even fewer have investment real estate properties (I know, right, where does their money go?!). The rant I have today is one that I have had before, many times and it concerns the economics of the popular homeless magazine "The Big Issue":

That cover seems a little racist, when I call Asian people "little monkey people" they get all defensive and start yelling at me in a language that sounds like they're rolling a tin can down a street. Oh well. Anyway, this "Big Issue" magazine, for those of you who dont know, is produced and printed and entirely funded by the government. It is then given to homeless people to sell on the side of the street for $4 per copy which is extremely steep given it's contents. (Note: I have never bought one but I have seen copies people have bought.. People stupider than myself). Now my gripe with the situation is this:

I pay taxes, right? I live in Australia so my taxes are astronomical. Every year this country has more and more money left over because they insist on a 48.5% income tax rate which is ridiculous. This is OK, though because one day I will live and work in Singapore (18%) and eventually Monaco (0%) so that no greedy government gets it's mits on my cash.. Anyway, my taxes pay for the production costs of this overpriced pile of paper and I am then expected to spend my post tax dollars on it?! Pffft! Get real! Why would I pay for a magazine that I already payed to produce?! Screw that.

Next, I will complain about the socio economic drain these people place on our infrastructure.. After a picture of a kitty to keep you interested.

Now I live in Western Australia, for those of you who dont know. In Western Australia, the only way to be unemployed is to actively not look for a job. As in you have to pretty much turn down offers in the street to stay unemployed. This is another thing that annoys me about homeless people. Why do they not have jobs? There are agencies here that you can walk into and get a job that pays $80k+ per year with no degree and no experience. Sure, you have to move to the mines and do manual labour but what the hell do these people need to be in the city for?! It's not like they have families, friends, lives and obligations. They dont even shower. They're SO desperate for labour at the mines that they will pay your accomodation and food bills, pay you a good salary and give you free transport there and back. So why the hell should I buy a magazine off them in the street? As far as I'm concerned, they are lazy and stubbourn. They have options like the rest of us but they choose to be homeless, they choose to be poor.

Now this brings me back to my point. They are a drain on our resources, they do not support our economy in any way and are literally no more than a pimple on the ass of society. Harsh? Yeah, maybe, but I'm sick of it. If I have to look at them sitting on the street with their stupid cardboard signs and "Big Issue" magazines (which I have already paid for) then i reserve the right to judge them mercilessly and say what I like. The end.

SoI know what you're thinking, right? You're thinking "But Stikky, you are the picture of mental health, I would never call you deranged or a lunatic!" but at the same time you are also thinking "Is that how you spell deranged? And lunatic?" and "what happend to parts I, II, III and V?" So allow me to put your minds at rest..

Firstly, yes, that IS how you spell deranged AND lunatuic and no, I have never been classified as deranged or a lunatic, technically, but to be fair I have never seen a psychiatrist either.. I mean I know what they look like and all but I have never seen one in a professional capacity because they rarely need high end consulting on matters pertaining to flow assurance in oil and gas processing facilities. Strange, but true.. Finally, the other parts, well, allow mw to submit THIS to YOU: romannumeralsgo I, II, III, IV, V, VI so IV is actually 4 in roman numerals so if I'm up to part IV, there would never have been a V because V is the NEXT number, not the PREVIOUS number! HA! Don't you feel stupid now, you can't even count in a dead numerical system that has not been used in anything other than movie production dates for HUNDERDS of years!

This brings me to my next point, conveniently; salad. Why salad? Because Julius Caesar invented the salad in 1942 when the russians demanded he create a tasty dish out of what was left in their rabbit's food bowl. Julius was, of course, a dictator of the roman empire, roman numerals, see? Now if that didnt wholeheartedly convince you of my sanity, I'm pretty sure the kid that serves me salad at the cafe outside my work has it in for me. I always give him looks of contempt (cuz I'm better than him, see?) and today he gave me less good bits (chicken, croutons, egg, those good bits) in my salad than I have previously obtained from the girl who clearly has a crush on me. This upsets me and I must seek swift and appropriate vengance on him and his loved ones.

So this brings me, once again, just as conveniently, to my next point; finding an apartment. (God, do I have to explain EVERYTHING to you people.. Eggs and croutons are all kinds of toppings for salads.. If you give each letter of the alphabet a numeric value from 1-26, as in A=1 B=2 etc, and subtract "E+G+G" from "C+R+O+U+T+O+N+S" and add 2, because there's two of them, you geta numberwhich is equal to "A+P+A+R+T+M+E+N+T". Duh.) I have recently been informed that two of the girls in my office are considering moving out together, which is awesome, cuz there's a possibility that i might be able to live with them Living with two chicks would be awesome, I can't live with guys, they cramp my style and plus, these girls won't try and stal my women, hopefully

So moving onto something completely unrelated, for a change, I think I may have to leave it there.. Would you guys like a funny picture to go out on? I bet you would, so here is one that I like very much because, well, I love me some red bull...

***SPOILER***

Women really should not drive..

On that note, ladies, gentlemen and misc., I shall bid you all a good evening.. Remember, if it's bleeding, it means that you're picking at it too much.. Or not enough.. Sound advice to live by.

EDIT: Oh, just for fun and as if your body image wasnt sensitive enough, Apple thinks you should be skinnier:

Link.

Thanks Apple, I'll keep that in mind..

EDIT (again): Picture looked naff, click the link to see it.

It is, unfortunately, monday. The question mark was just to make it all look artsy and intriguing. From an existentialist point of view, it is supposed to invoke feelings of uncertainty as to the existance of time as a dimension as opposed to a man-made medium for measurement of mundane activities. Furthermore, from that, a natural progression is to consider what truly reunites us all as human beings. Is it our genitics? Our ability to think and adapt? Our opposable thumbs which have made us such a destructive force in the global landscape? Who knows..

If you just saw the name of the day with a question mark and none of the aforementioned crazyness thenyou're stupid. There, I said it. Nah, I'm just messing, you're not stupid, just unimaginative. Let's talk about some stuff you dont care about..

Motorsport seems to be the best place to start. For those of you who didnt see the madness that was the European Grand Prix this weekend, I feel sorry for you. I was watching it with 3 of my mates who are not F1 fans at all and they had a great time. I was like 3 inches away from a heart attack all race and, aside from someone being killed, it ended about as badly as any F1 race can.. Alsonso in 1st, Massa in 2nd and Webber in 3rd.. If you have 3 spare minutes, watch this if you like lots of cars on inappropriate tyres aquaplaning into walls. It's fun for the whole family. Except maybe the hampster, they're afraid of fast moving machinery..

So moving on to something else, I am in love with Red Bull. No, not Red Bull racing, we're OFF motorsport, remember? Anyway, I dont hate the taste and the fact that it effectively masks the taste of my extra strength (50% or 100 proof) Smirnoff Blue Vodka which is so strong it would strip the paint off my walls if I left the cap off the bottle for more than a minute makes it a very attractive drink. On Thursday night I managed to drink about 6 shots of bule in two cans of Red Bull, making me nice and tipsy but also nice and awake. I'm aware, of course, that Red Bull and Vodka killed two sweedish students a few years back but since I'm not sweedish or a student, I'm not really in either high risk group so I figure I'm fine.. Right?

What else is new? Uh, i got new lip balm.. Exciting no? No, not at all. Oh oh!! I'm not sick anymore! Which is like super-mega-awesomeness-squared! (Dunno where that came from, apparently I have regressed to the level of "13yr old girl after two glasses of goon") (Yes, for you avid goon drinkers, that IS the king of all goon boxes, fruity lexia) Ahem, where the f**k was I? Oh that's right, nowhere. Anyway, it's gonna be a short one today cuz I dont have any funny pictures to post.. Apparently the ninjas foud a new way to attack, knowing I dont like cats they sent this fellow:

***SPOILER***

You never expect it from above.. Anyway, Ninja cat stole all of my funny pictures.. Except the one of the ninja cat attacking. Which is quite funny. Anyway, Ok, really finished now people! Enjoy, and keep watching the skies..

Well good morning again, everybody. I'm back at work on this glorious Wednesday morning.. I have work to do but hey, I'm not gonna do it cuz I'm lazy and no one is chasing me up for it. This post will take a slightly different format, I'm just gonna write about random stuff and put headings above it so read what you want and ignore what you dont.. But be aware, I watch you while you sleep and I will know if you did not read it all...

General

What is covered by general? I dunno, so i think I shall discuss my recent outbreak of food poisoning. Now, unfortunately, I have no one to blame for my food poisoning because I gave it to myself. Having said that, I will still blame my mother for never teaching me that heating up rice is BAD for you. How the hell can heating up rice be bad? There is nothing IN rice. It's just freaking rice! That's like saying you can't put BBQ sauce on Digestive Biscuits(Click the link for pic) and EVERYONE knows that BBQ sauce and digestives are like chalk and cheese! Wait, did I get that wrong?

Motorsport

One of my favourite topics that I seem to always talk about. Just start with the answer to my previous blog post thing was, of course, Valentino Rossi. And yes, Mac, that was him in a Ferrari F1 car. I can also break some BIG motorsport news.. This just in, no one actually WANTS Rossi in F1 and since he's too crap for MotoGP anymore cuz he keeps falling off, he has made a long anticipated career move:

***SPOILER***

Good move, Valentino, good move...

In F1 news, Christijan Albers has been fired. Spyker claim its cuz one of their sponsors didnt pay but I have a sneaking suspicion it's more likely because of this little mishap.. Yeah that's right, a split second mistake cost him $7k US in fines and a job that pays over a million a year. Anyhoo, enough about motorsport for now, what's next? Just wait and see..

Drinking

So i think I may bee drinking too much.. Or not enough, it's hard to tell in this cosmopolitan wonderland we live in.. (Note dripping sarcasm, I live in a sh*thole) I went out drinking on Friday night and I was really sick but somehow managed not to vomit. I almost did, and I wanted to but I couldnt find anywhere to vomit so I sat down and concentrated really hard and managed not to puke. Fun, right? Well, I'm going out this Thursday and I have big plans cuz I'm have plans to seduce these two chicks.. Problem is, I will have to decide which one on Thursday cuz I dont think I can get both.. Damn, decisions hey?

Cats

I dont like cats. Except this one:

Lunch

I'm not eating at the moment so this is a bit of a moot point. What does moot mean? Why does it sound like a disgruntled cow spitting on a homeless person? Why would I make a eading for lunch if I'm not planning to EAT lunch? Why do people keep watching Big Brother? Why am I still typing? Why do people go to the top of really tall buildings and put money in those binoculars to look at things on the ground? Do the alphabet song and Twinkle Twinkle little star have the same tune? These are the questions that really need answering..

Victoria Beckham

First of all, show of hands who tried singing those two songs in their head when they read that question.. Ok, everyone? Good, me too. Anyway, Victoria Beckham is my new favourite celebrity. I LOVE the b!tch! I mean sure, she's a gold digging whore (why is b!tch censored but not whore?) and she looks like an inflatable sex doll but after watching her "Coming To America" TV special last night, I want to marry her! She is fantasitc! She should leave David for me! Sure, he's better looking, fitter, makes a little more money, is an international celebrity and has fathered several of her children (OK, all of her children) I still think dating me would be the better option. Vicky, think about it, ok babe? Half ofDavids money, plus child support, we'll live like KINGS among men..

The End

Yeah, that's it.. Bored yet? Did yuo read it all? What? You didnt read THAT bit? Oh that was the best bit! Yeah, go back and read that bit now it's REALLY clever/witty/funny/delicious/transformers. Anyway that's it from me for today people! Keep on truckin! (What?!)

Stikky...? Oooooh..