Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first ever Ghetto Scandalous Awards, brought to you by MP3.com. Please join me in honoring urban music's best and brightest by recognizing their most scandalous and embarrassing moments and presenting them with awards for their behavior. Please remember, this is a nonviolent award ceremony--there will be no rushing the winners, so please stay in your seats and keep your shanks to yourself.

And the winners are:

First, Jermaine Dupri scores Janet Jackson, then Jay-Z wins Beyoncé, now this? How Flav managed to get Red Sonja alone in a hotel room beats the flavor out of me. Next thing you know, we’ll be seeing Biz Markie sitting in a tree with Mandy Moore.

After being pulled over for drug and traffic violations, Baby Phat's sexy owner/designer/model showed no shame in displaying a playful, cutesy smile as she posed for her mug shot. And is it just me, or is she complementing that smile with two middle fingers deliberately holding up that serial plate?

Faith, Faith, Faith. You're rich and famous, so what's with the bummy rags? Stop blowing your hard-earned cash on coke and buy yourself a new shirt--one with a tighter collar, at least. Let this mug shot be a lesson for us all to brush our hair before stepping out. And, of course, don't forget clean underwear.

Shooting up nightclubs, traumatizing his getaway driver, attacking a radio host, getting sued by one of his baby's mamas, threatening a photographer, assaulting a former intern, and having his bodyguards beat down an annoying fan are only some of the many reasons why P. Dizzle deserves some kind of award.

Let's see. This label has one-bird-brain shy of being-a-songbird Ashanti and a munchkin studio-gangster Ja Rule as its so-called headliners. The manager/bookkeeper's a reputed money launderer, and the CEO's ongoing relationship with a well-known drug lord has him in the middle of numerous murder investigations and charges of tax evasion. You be the judge on who the real breadwinners in this company are--legal or not.

Cocky Kanye won my respect by pouring his little heart out after losing the AMA's Best New Artist award to country star Gretchen Wilson, claiming he was "definitely robbed." Kanye seems to believe his overly recycled drum beats and amateurish metaphoric lines deserve much more credit than they've already been given.

Inspired by Kobe Bryant's recent playa foul, 50 Cent reports that he videotapes all sexual encounters within his bedroom walls in case any of his former flings decides to make any false rape accusations. Brotha's got a valid point--now show us some of that Vivica tape!

Lloyd was wrongfully fingered as the star of a gay porn flick called Bam 2: Thug.

Ultimately, the real actor (Ty Lattimore) came forward to claim credit, lifting the load from Mr. Banks' shoulders. G-Unit? Let's not go there.

Speaking of videos, the CD featuring Paris Hilton's recording of "Screwed" (featuring production from Lil Jon) would probably sell better if amateur director (and former Paris beau) Rick Salomon shared some of the glory by including his famous video masterpiece with the CD. Just imagine watching those scenes while Lil Jon rhythmically screams "Yeah!" and "OK!" in the background music. Now that I'd buy!

Kelly's authentic work in both the music and voyeuristic film industries has established him as a pillar in the community of repulsively scandalous yet talented human beings. His collaborations with Jay-Z, Twista, underage children, Cassidy, Ja Rule, and other people's wives prove that he will undoubtedly be a good source of raw, toe-tapping scandal for years to come.