Good news, lovers of awesomeness. Rihanna will be performing at the 50th Grammy Awards(R) this February 10 with the mutherf*ckin' Time, making this generally worthless event an historic one on par with the Beatles on Ed Sullivan. It's hard to fathom how great this will be. Rihanna + Morris Day and the Time--it's almost too good to be true. Oh yeah, Michael Jackson is rumored to appear to hawk his totally unnecessary Thriller anniversary disc.

The Time in their prime.

Forget Natalie Portman, Zooey Deschanel has surpassed her as the indie-geek fantasy-girl du jour and rightfully so. She's beautiful in an unassuming, approachable way and she can actually sing as evidenced by the movie Elf and this YouTube clip with M Ward. Speaking of M Ward, the two of them evidently recorded an album under the decidedly lame moniker She and Him and are releasing it in March.

Check out a KCRW interview with Zooey here. (via Pitchfork, via the Playlist)

It's not quite as news worthy as Britney's latest meltdown, but for anyone who digs profound lyrics and kickass country rock, listen up: Silver Jews have a new record on the way and the album art is both ridiculously fantastic and fantastically ridiculous. Babar the elephant(s), a raging sea, a ray of light through ominous clouds--it needs nothing else. No official release date yet, however, the album is titled Lookout Mountain, Lookout Sea and will contain the songs "Party Barge" and "Candy Jail." Say What!

(via Best Week Ever via Gawker)

Screw Michael Anthony and his bourgeois hot sauce, give me some Minor Threat!

Surprisingly the staunch anti-merchandiser Ian Mckaye gave Wheelhouse Pickles (the makers of the sauce) his blessing to use his legendary band's name, simply because the company "makes good pickles." What a guy.

Buy some here.

(via epicurious)

MC/producer-extraordinare David Banner is equal parts crazy, hilarious, and intelligent. Our own hip-hop resident expert Brolin Winning let Banner run wild in this MP3.com interview. Below are some excerpts; click here for the full story.

Brolin: Now, I want to talk about, you know--.

Banner: B, can I ask you a quick question?

Yeah, absolutely.

Do you curse?

Do I curse? Yeah.

Say s***.

S***.

Okay, I was just making sure.

I want to talk about sort of the state of hip-hop right now, and the state of the industry and what not…

B.

Yeah.

Do you like large breasts?

Do I? Yeah, no doubt.

I do too. I was just thinking about it.

Rarely does a band suck so hard and so deeply that there are no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Nickelback is one such band. Misogynistic, weirdly macho, and overwrought in so many ways, this band of Canadian knuckle-draggers mines least-common-denominator musical territory to the extreme. They are to rock music what the Ying Yang Twins are to hip-hop; and Toby Keith is to country; and Nora Jones is to Jazz. Hey, wait a sec...

So it was with great pleasure to have stumbled upon this video of Nickelback being pelted with rocks at a 2002 concert in Portugal (apparently it was a death metal festival. ha!). The singer, pissed off, asks the crowd after stopping midsong, "Have we got any Nickelback fans in Portugal?" and the sound of thousands of people screaming "no" is the sweetest justice.

It kind of looks like him, but the eyes are all wrong. And for $499 this doll should actually rap or do something cool, but by the looks of it, it just stands there looking vaguely menacing. Anyway, take a look at the picture, register in your brain that this thing exists, and let's all move on with our lives.

For those high and rich enough to want one of these, you can buy it here.

Not really, but by the looks of things over at the awesome music blog Brooklyn Vegan, many of you were. Check out all the photos of wann-amees here.

I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want: a new Spice Girls video! jk, jk. But here it is nonetheless. I propose a motion to make Ginger the new Sporty Spice, cuz she is sporting a helluva sixpack. Posh: trying too hard as usual. Baby: looking sweet. Turn it down and enjoy the visuals.

Now that ear-raping god-rockers Creed are completely off the pop-culture map, it's time to make room for a new and far superior Creed, Creed Bratton that is. Most know him from the Office, where he plays an 82-year-old ex-hobo, also named Creed, who gets away with murder (figuratively) through his stealth maneuverings. But did you know this guy also played guitar in '60s hit-makers the Grass Roots? Does anyone else find this be the most awesome nugget of pop-culture trivia ever? Creed has always been my favorite character on the Office, now he's officially the coolest person alive.

Thanks to Best Week Ever blog for bringing this to our attention. Peep Creed in the striped sweater and the Grass Roots in action below.

The internet comes correct once again with this hi-larious series of YouTube videos featuring famous guitar shredders with the "suck" knob turned to all the way to eleven. I always knew Santana was a hack. Prepare to LOL and CYP (crap your pants).

While most tour riders offer a little insight into the glamorous life and over-the-top demands of rock stars, Iggy and the Stooges' rider blows the roof off this band's insane, surreal existence. Written by roadie Jos Grain, the document is a whooping 18 pages of madman ramblings and bizarro requests (Bob Hope impersonator? Check). A definite highlight is when describing Mike Watt's monitor needs, Grain casually mentions, "Oh, and during the show, could you just catch his eye and mouth the words 'I love you'? Thanks."

View the tour rider at The Smoking Gun.

There aren't enough words that end in "bag" to adequately describe my dislike for Dane Cook and his misguided attempts at comedy. He's one of those comedians whose massive popularity is in direct proportion to how unfunny he is (you too, Carlos Mencia). Granted his fanbase is almost exclusively of the frat-type college variety, but really these kids should go check out Dave Attell and never look back.

The fact that Cook is doing movies now is extremely disconcerting, but even more so is this new single "Forward." That's right, Dan Cook fancies himself a singer--a mawkish, sensitive, balladering douchebag of a singer. Internet buzz has ranged from bewilderment to open hostility with many questioning the sincerity and intentions of his forays into the music biz. Others have pointed out the bizarre similarities to Chicago's "Hard to Say I'm Sorry." I am comforted knowing I'm not alone in despising this guy.

Listen here:

http://www.rhapsody.com/danecook/forward

The kids love Pavement!

I have no idea when the reclusive musical genius known as Madlib pushed this stunning remix from his mind, but hey who cares when - all that matters is that this version of the Beastie Boys ' classic "Shake Your Rump " exists.

Audio: Listen to free Talib Kweli music here.

You know it's a slow news day when the Drudge Report's main headline is some paranoid nonsense spouted by the famously belligerent ass-bag, Elton John. Doesn't Matt realize that he's just nuts? In this episode Sir Elton does Op-Ed for the Sun UK, stating that "there's too much technology available" and "hopefully the next movement in music will tear down the internet." He then completely destroys all credibility by admitting he is "the biggest technophobe of all time" who doesn't "have a mobile phone or an iPod or anything."

Elton John is no stranger to hyperbole--in the past he's suggested a ban on all organized religion and that all photographers should be shot. Maybe he's mad that his last record sold a measly 100,000 copies while over-hyped and overrated internet-stars such as Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and Lily Allen are plowing ahead of him.

Whatever, Internetz rule.

So webcasters have been trying to hash out fair performance royalties with Congress for a minute now. Yeah. Good luck on that on that one. When was the last time the U.S. government seriously funded the Arts?

In any event, below is a spine-freezing Bush quote from a speech at the Gaylord Opryland Resort and Convention Center in Nashville, Tennessee.

Question: Mr. President, music is one of our largest exports the country has. Currently, every country in the world -- except China, Iran, North Korea, Rwanda and the United States -- pay a statutory royalty to the performing artists for radio and television air play. Would your administration consider changing our laws to align it with the rest of the world?

The President: Help. (Laughter.) Maybe you've never had a President say this -- I have, like, no earthly idea what you're talking about. (Laughter and applause.) Sounds like we're keeping interesting company, you know? (Laughter.)

Look, I'll give you the old classic: contact my office, will you? (Laughter.) I really don't -- I'm totally out of my lane. I like listening to country music, if that helps. (Laughter.)

Thanks to Eliot Van Buskirk for posting this one at WIRED .

I cannot claim to be a fan of Interpol , and the idea of Liars touring with the brooding New Yorkers is a head-scratcher, but nonetheless any chance to see Liars is awesome.

Liars self-titled album drops next month. Until then here is the brand new video for "Plaster Casts of Everything" directed by Patrick Daughters.




INTERPOL/LIARS TOUR DATES
09-10 Albany, NY - Palace Theatre
09-12 Boston, MA - Agganis Arena
09-14 New York, NY - Madison Square Garden
09-15 Philadelphia, PA - Tower Theatre
09-16 Raleigh, NC - Disco Rodeo
09-18 Orlando, FL - Hard Rock Live
09-19 Miami, FL - BankUnited Center
09-21 Atlanta, GA - Tabernacle
09-22 Nashville, TN - Ryman Auditorium
09-23 New Orleans, LA - Sugar Mill
09-25 Houston, TX - Verizon Wireless Theatre
09-26 Austin, TX - Stubb's Bar-B-Q
09-27 Dallas, TX - Palladium
10-10 Kansas City, KS - Uptown
10-12 Minneapolis, MN - State Theatre
10-14 Denver, CO - Fillmore
10-15 Salt Lake City, UT - McKay Center
10-16 Boise, ID - Big Easy
10-18 Seattle, WA - WaMu Theater
10-19 Portland, OR - Memorial Coliseum
10-20 San Francisco, CA - Bill Graham Civic Auditorium
10-23 Los Angeles, CA - The Forum