Tom Waits is heading back on the road, and the MO of the legend's latest trek is PEHDTSCKJMBA--pronounced Peskajumba.

Tom Waits

That's the news that came out of Waits' mock press conference, posted to the Web site of his label ANTI-, to announce a 13-date US tour dubbed Glitter and Doom. The itinerary for the tour is loosely based on the shape of the constellation Hydra.

"Since the beginning of time, we have all looked to the night sky for meaning," Waits said.

Waits walked his fans through the tour with the aforementioned acronym, which uses the first letter of each host city.

"People envy happiness / dogs, though, sense courage / knowing jubilation means better assets," Waits said in the press conference, embedded below to prove that we couldn't possibly make this up.

The tour will kick off June 17 for the first of two nights at the Orpheum in Phoenix, and will conclude at the Fox Theatre in Atlanta on July 5.

Tom Waits' tour dates:

June 17 - Phoenix, AZ (Orpheum)

June 18 - Phoenix, AZ (Orpheum)

June 20 - El Paso, TX (Plaza Theatre)

June 22 - Houston, TX (Jones Hall)

June 23 - Dallas, TX (Palladium)

June 25 - Tulsa, OK (Brady Theatre)

June 26 - St. Louis, MO (Fox Theatre)

June 28 - Columbus, OH (Ohio Theatre)

June 29 - Knoxville, TN (Civic Theatre)

July 1 - Jacksonville, FL (Moran Theatre)

July 2 - Mobile, AL (Saenger Theatre)

July 3 - Birmingham, AL (Alabama Theatre)

July 5 - Atlanta, GA (Fox Theatre)