"Because we need...
...each other"
- Acquiesce (Oasis)
I've realised I start a lot of blogs with Oasis songs. Which mirrors my daily life a lot. I find that nothing can get me out of bed like Definitely Maybe or Morning Glory. Course, as everyone knows they went sh!t after that but their two newer albums are good enough.
Anyway, in the immortal words of Professor Hubert Farnsworth, "Good news everyone!" I got a text from Flash yesterday. He's scored a slot on V (local MTV-wannabe channel)'s dating show Taken Out, where basically 30 guys (or girls) spend a week ogling a hot girl (or guy) as he explains why they should go out with them. The contestants get to choose whether they want to or not, and once the field is narrowed down enough the girl gets to narrow the field down enough until she gets three, then she asks them a couple of questions until she finds the one.
And the good part for me is that if he makes it to the final Friday (i.e. if one of the girls doesn't pick him first) he's got a spot in the studio audience for me. It's down in Melbourne, but that's no big deal - we get back on Thursday and I'll just use some of my sweet dare money (i.e. what I don't use for drugs, booze and tourist sh!t) to catch a bus down and go get hammered with my bro. If he doesn't win. Not that he will unless the girl has a particular thing for big blond boofheads with a mullet.
Still, I'll be cheering for him. And if he wins and gets laid, I've promised him I'll reimburse him any money he spends on the girl.
The Talking Horse (The Melvins)
I'm gonna go do more of what I've been doing lately. Rolling joints, smoking them, eating and giggling at the cheesiness of MTV dating shows.
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Digg this"I'd like to be somebody else...
...and not know where I've been,
I'd like to build myself a house, out of plasticine."
- Shakermaker (Oasis)
The first two lines are some of my all time favourite lyrics. I don't think there's many people out there who don't wish they could be somebody else, even if only for a little while. Like I know I've wished many times that I could be Batman. Other times, I've wished I could be anyone but me.
In other words, f*ck Asian build quality. Seriously. Why? Well, I got to Mum's last night, and since Gavin is away, Grandma's gone home and she's working uber-long shifts, I'm spending most of the day babysitting the kid. And I just went for a shower. Only to be told by my sis that somehow the water was leaking downstairs and the floor was waterlogged. I honestly, for the life of me, can't figure out how in the name of f*cking Jesus, Allah, Jewish God and Tom Cruise this happened. And to cap it off, our lights aren't working. It's gonna be hard at night.
The c*nt who built the house (and charges exorbitant rent for leaky floors, dodgy electronics and extremely creaky stairs among others) lives in the other half of the duplex. And even though Mum told me not to, I'm extremely tempted to go and give him a piece of my mind. A very angry, profane piece.
Gives You Hell (All-American Rejects) One of the better pop-rock cheese songs lately. At least it has a good hook.
Anyway, I've gotta go clean up some more. It's still leaking. F*ck.
My pen!s is frozen solid.
And not in the good way. The ice frozen way.
Can't Stop (Red Hot Chili Peppers)
Why? Well, this morning I went for a walk on the beach since me and Dad are visiting one of his old mates down on the South Coast. For some reason, I was up early, and I ran into a couple of the locals.
One thing led to another, and I ended up accepting a $500 dare to strip butt naked and jump off the pier. Into the freezing cold ocean. At 7am. Rips going crazy. And I'm not exactly the greatest swimmer.
I did survive (barely) but I suspect I might have hypothermia as it's 3pm and I'm still freezing despite sitting in the hot water cupboard all day. I spent at least 20 minutes in the water cause I got caught in a rip and got carried out a fair way - luckily any longtime surfer knows when you're caught in a rip, the best thing to do is ride it out and swim back to shore. Only this just prolonged the agony - I had to be pretty much carried out once I got back to shore.
Would I do it again? For another $500, yes. I am a total whore.
I'm gonna go have another hot shower. If I'm still freezing, I'll call Dad, him being the doctor and all.
Michael Jackson is dead.
I heard that he'd been admitted to hospital yesterday, but I just found out from TMZ that he was dead.
However messed up he was, nothing can change the fact that he was a f*cking legend and should be respected as such.
RIP Michael Jackson. One can only hope your soul has met some kind of rest.
"We are the stars...
..of the fire"
- We Are The Pigs (Suede) Suede only ever made two decent albums, but those two albums had some great singles. This is probably their best (anyone who says Animal Nitrate can suck a big one).
Got absolutely nothing to talk about. Mostly been sprawled on the couch getting stoned out of my mind and eating pizza. And playing Stick Baseball on the computer.
Butterfly (Screaming Trees) The Trees aren't great weed music, but are almost unbeatable with good acid.
And I got Grimwolf on MSN and we were taking bets as to how long it takes for Miley Cyrus to do a Britney. I gave her five years. Grimwolf reckons three.
http://www.bastardly.com/2009-jailbait-alert-billy-ray-cyrus-whores-out-miley-cyrus-to-the-paparazzi-0517?page=0,1 Gotta admit, she's got a decent rack for 16.
She Comes Into The Fall (Inspiral Carpets)
I also managed to get a 45 day ban from Ultimate Guitar. Turns out telling some n00b to step in front of a truck is a bannable offence these days.
I Get Knocked Down (Chumbawumba) Yes I know that's not the actual title. No I don't give a f*ck. But it still boggled my mind how they've had a 25 year career and never managed to make another song half as catchy and annoying. You still can't go to a footy match on a Saturday without this playing at some point.
Anyway, check this out also. The creepiest love song ever according to some guy who said so in a book. So it must be true. And if you ignore the High School Musical pics (which actually make sense if you've ever seen/been forced to see one or more of the movies) and focus on the lyrics, especially the spoken word bit at the end, it makes total sense. Although I have one song of my own that is even creepier. No it's nothing to do with incest, but it's as f*cked up.
Since we're talking sex and HSM, I told my sister and her friends when I was watching them yesterday (why pay for a babysitter when you have a free one?) about the subliminal messages in High School Musical which allude to Gabriella and Sharpay's secret crush on each other and the Troy-Chad-Ryan love triangle, where Ryan has an unrequited crush on Troy who only expresses love for Chad. Seriously. I honestly think I might just have the world's sickest mind. You do not want to know any more. Trust me. I might make this into a slash fan fiction story. It's fleshed out enough.
I'm off to roll another joint, eat more pizza and drink another beer. While watching more bad TV. My life is so full.
