...goodbye.

Boy, that would have been awfully obtuse, wouldn't it?

I'm going to do my best to avoid turning this into a massive weep session. I've already started and scrapped writing this message more times than I can count, so instead of putting endless thought into this, I'm just going to say what I feel and leave it at that.

The five years I've spent at GameSpot are arguably the most important years I've spent in my life. Prior to this gig, I'd never had much of a real job. When Jeff and Greg and the rest of the crew back in 03 gave me--some skinny, 21 year old punkass who'd never done anything but freelance for a few scattered sites--a legitimate chance, I'd never envisioned that this would turn to be the job that defined me, that gave me a place and a career. I had no idea that I'd actually make some semblance of a name for myself here. That anyone would actually give a crap about what I did or what I wrote. I still find the notion kind of unbelievable, actually. Reading all the messages people have been sending me since the word got out has been utterly mind-blowing. It's one thing to enjoy what you do, but it's quite another to know that others enjoy what you do. It's gratifying, and I'm thankful for it.

I could probably spend the next several hours giving individual thanks to everyone who has helped me along the way, but most of them know who they are and have been thanked in more personal fashion, so I'll skip the acceptance speech from hell. Instead, a general thank you to the staff (both former and present) for letting me be a part of the dream that is/was GameSpot. Also, thanks to you, the reader. I'd be nothing if you folks didn't come back time and time again to read the junk I put out, and I can't tell you how thankful I am that you did.

Leaving completely sucks, and believe me when I say I'm in no way joyful about my departure. Well, OK, that's not entirely true. There is a certain sense of...freedom that I'm feeling now as I envision an endless string of pantsless weekdays. Still, if I'd had my druthers, I'd have probably rather stayed precisely where I was, doing what I was doing. But circumstances don't always work out the way you'd prefer, and things change, often not for the better. My time here was finished. I was conflicted about that notion going into the holiday break, and that notion turned into fact with startling clarity as soon as I came back from break. It was a frightening and painful experience to let it go, but I had to. If you love something, set it free, and all that junk. I don't think this one's ever coming back, though.

Of course, I'm not going to disappear into obscurity--at least, not without a fight. You'll probably start seeing my name start appearing on bylines relatively soon. I'm not doing anything full time just yet, but we'll see where the wind takes me. In the meantime, if you need to get in contact with me for any reason, my new e-mail address is alexiconofscars@hotmail.com, and if you want to read my assorted ramblings about whatever, I am keeping a personal blog at The Head Of Alfredo Garcia. Stop by sometime if you want to read about what I think of practically everything except games. I'll give you a hint: I hate all of it.

And lastly, let me just make one thing as crystal clear as possible. I hold no ill will, issue no blame, take no umbrage with any of my former co-workers on the edit team. These guys are some of the hardest working, upstanding, straight up cool mother****ers I've ever met in my life, and as long as they're around doing their thing, GS will continue to live and breathe--there will still be a soul there, underneath whatever ridiculousness might be on the surface these days. There is no GS without those guys. The GS content crew is a family, and no one can change that.

Before I duck out, a few stats to chew on from my time here:

Number of reviews written: 733

Number of video reviews produced: Somewhere around 100

Number of video features appeared in: Dozens

Controllers broken: 7

Debug consoles broken: At least two that I can remember (sorry Ricardo!)

Number of console launches experienced: 5 (not including N-Gage and Gizmondo, which absolutely, positively don't count)

Number of weekend birthdays spent at the office: 2 (thanks PlayStation 3, Wii and Rock Band launches!)

Number of E3s covered: 5

Number of hours of sleep lost while covering said E3s: 280

Number of delicious sandwiches consumed during work hours: Too many to count

Pounds gained over the last five years: 45

Favorite review ever written: It's sort of like choosing your children, but I'd have to say that Super Mario Galaxy was probably the piece of writing I was most proud of just for clarity and overall quality. For pure comedy, while Big Rigs is obviously the fan favorite, I think my Land of the Dead: Road to Fiddler's Green review was my favorite, mostly for the opening paragraph, but there are some good chuckles elsewhere, too. My only regret with that one was that it was published before I'd learned the skill of brevity.

Favorite video piece: Regarding Robocop. Tim Tracy took my hours of ridiculous footage and turned that thing into something magical.

Worst review ever written: Read any of the first five to ten reviews I did for the site. They're as boring as they are barely informative. I was still learning the craft at that point. I think I've gotten a touch better.

Review that caught me the most flack: Probably Advent Rising. I will still never understand what anyone saw in that game. It was like retarded Star Wars with a broken frame rate. Now there's a box quote for ya!

Biggest editorial regret: Never giving Burning Questions proper closure. What can I say? I snapped.

Biggest non-editorial regret: Lack of travelling, specifically to Japan. Would have loved to have gotten one TGS trip in.

Thing I'll miss least about GS: Apart from the current unpleasantness, I'll say the commute. Nothing sucks more than driving an hour through traffic to work every day, especially when you're accustomed to carpooling and then suddenly end up having to do it all by your lonesome. *cough*

Thing I'll miss most about GS: The dozens and dozens of awesome people who have come and fled over the years that helped make GS a terrific place to work during their time. You know who you are.

And with that, I bid you all a fond adieu. It's been real.

--A

...is a really terrible movie starring Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock. Seriously, it's like the most hackneyed thing you'll ever watch. Avoid seeing it, if you can.

It's also one of the more disconcerting e-mails I've ever had to write in my lifetime. The finality associated with such a short and downright glib e-mail is altogether weird. Two sentences of text, someone above me hitting the "terminate" button, and after nearly five years of commitment and passion toward the GameSpot brand, my tenure is officially put to rest. How coldly efficient.

Wait, let me back up a second. I'm getting ahead of myself.

Odds are you've probably heard by now. Yes, last week I put in my two weeks notice and I will be leaving GameSpot as of next Thursday, January 24th. No, this is not my big goodbye post. I'm still here for another week, so I'll probably spend some more time thinking that one through before posting it. This is simply my confirmation that, indeed, the rumors you've heard are true.

I haven't said anything up to this point mainly because...well, I didn't know what the hell to say. I know this might sound odd coming from me, but frankly, I've felt a little sheepish about this whole thing since word got out. As much as I enjoy having my name on bylines and being in front of the camera, I'm not really used to having a laserlike focus on me and my personal affairs. Make no mistake, I was A-OK with word being put out when it was. But considering I've never had a major gig like this prior to my time at GS, I'm kind of fumbling for the right way to handle the situation. Big, emotional outpourings confuse and alarm me, like a bear trapped in a room full of loud, flashing sirens, so forgive me if I'm not at my most communicative or tactful over the next several days.

I do want to thank everyone for all the PMs, e-mails, blog comments, Xbox Live messages, and other general statements of support I've gotten over the last week or so. It's awesome to know people care and even have any manner of opinion of me, let alone actually like what I do enough to have an emotional reaction to news such as this. Just the fact that it's news at all is totally bananas. It's really meant a lot, and believe me when I say that I'm going to miss you all. Or, well, most of you. Some of you I can and will do just fine without. System Wars, I'm looking at you.

Kidding. Well, sort of...

As far as why I'm leaving, what I can say has been pretty well covered, especially in the Joystiq story Kyle Orland put together. I know people probably want more details, but right now my comments there will simply have to do.

I'm not entirely ready to talk about where I'm going or what I'll be doing from here on out, as honestly, I don't even really know at this juncture. I'm going rogue for the time being. I'm taking the mercenary route and seeing where things go from there. I'm considering all options at the moment, and I do have some work lined up to keep my mind focused on work and away from the non-stop Internet pornographies. You may start seeing my name pop up elsewhere soon enough, so don't worry about me disappearing into the ether. I can't quit you game industry, no matter how much I might want to sometimes.

So, look for a more proper goodbye on this blog on my last day. If you happen to catch me in the OTS chat, on XBL, or wherever, say hi, say bye, say **** off, whatever you feel like. I'll be around, in some fashion or another.

Over at the personal blog.

I'll be updating semi-regularly over the course of the next week or so, so keep checking back.

EDIT: My blog was down for a few hours there, but should be back now.

In case you hadn't already heard, I've set myself up a personal blog off of GS. This, in and of itself, does not mean anything. However, I'm aware that us editor types are under something of a microscope lately, and that any actions along these lines are sure to spark a myriad of insane rumors. And far be it from me to discourage such behavior. I take utter delight in watching the machinations of internet rumor mongering, and can't wait to see what people come up with. So, yeah, have at it.

The truth is, I just wanted a blog zone for more personal fare, and frankly I didn't feel like this was the appropriate spot any longer. I am not abandoning this blog. I will simply reserve it for the work-related editorials and such.

Consequently, if you're one of the people who has been hounding me with PMs asking if I'm going to do another annual top albums list, the answer is yes, but only on the new blog. Or maybe I'll do it on both. Probably not. So, yeah, if you want to know what music I didn't hate in 2007, you should check out the new spot sometime in the next week or so, when I've finally finished sifting through the dozens and dozens of albums I picked up this year. Because that's what vacation is for, right?

Remember SimCity? Remember what a joy it was to build up a fully functioning, living, breathing city, full of life and wonderment? Then, at some point down the road, after you've built up your city to the peak of its productiveness, you'd start mashing the disaster button and a wide variety of tornadoes, earthquakes, and fake Godzillas would come tromping through, laying firey waste to every bit of what you'd worked so painstakingly to create?

Yeah. It's a little bit like that. Except someone hit the disaster button for me.

Though I probably would have had a Guitar Hero III review ready for today if it weren't for all the online testing I still had to do. Oh well.

So yeah, Guitar Hero III launched today. Weekend launches are always a little weird, and the timing rarely works out too nicely for reviews, but in this case, all that was holding me back was getting some online time against the real world on all platforms. Now that that's out of the way, we'll have our GH III review tomorrow.

However, for those waiting with baited breath for our review to decide whether to go get it or not, I'll just say that if you liked the previous entries in the series, there's very little reason not to pick this one up. It's a hell of a lot of fun and has definitively the best soundtrack of any of the GH games thus far. It's almost psychotically harder than the previous sequels on hard and expert difficulties, so if expert in GH II befuddled you, this one will probably pluck individual pieces of your brain off and dump them in an Aperture Labratories brand incinerator. Obviously the Score Hero crowd probably won't mind that, though I always wonder if building sequels specifically for the hardcore existing fanbase is always the smartest move. Especially with direct competition from Rock Band on the horizon.

Also, for those wondering which version to get, the 360 version seems to be the clearcut best just in terms of feature set. The PS3 version doesn't have any friends list options online that I can see. The Wii version is reliant on friend codes for friends matches, and also looks about on par with the PS2 version (which isn't online at all). 360's online with all the usual friends list action, looks great, plays well, has achievements, and comes with a launch day patch that I believe adds a co-op quickplay option, meaning any song you unlock anywhere in the game is immediately accessible to play in this mode. No version of the game comes with this out of the box, as far as I'm aware, and in the other versions, you have to specifically go through the co-op career mode to unlock songs for co-op there and only there, which is kind of dumb. I think maybe the PS3 version is going to get a similar content patch? I haven't heard specifically either way.

As a peace offering for not having the review until tomorrow, here's a video of me fumbling my way pathetically through Through the Fire and Flames on expert in practice mode. It's literally the only way I can play that song right now without failing the intro. I know they're hammer-ons. They're still goddamn hard.

It's not often that I find myself especially blindsided by a game's quality these days. Working in this business as I do, I usually have some kind of insight ahead of time as to whether a game is total garbage or kind of awesome. This past weekend I worked on Zack & Wiki for the Wii, a game I knew next to nothing about, and only had vague claims of "that game looked kind of neat" to go on from folk around the office. That's a real vague claim as claims around here go. I've played plenty of games that "looked kind of neat" only to end up sucking, and sucking hard. And, of course, the opposite is true as well. Frankly, I took the assignment because I had the most time this weekend, it had a Monday embargo, and it just made sense. I was not, in any sense, looking forward to this one.

And yet, here is the review, altogether positive and wholeheartedly recommending the product. Again, I expected very little out of this game, and yet the more I played it, the more I was simply shocked as to how well the whole thing was put together. I'm notoriously bad about playing games over the weekend. My ADD goes absolutely haywire when I'm at home and left to my own devices, and I can rarely focus on anything for more than a few minutes at a time, but with Zack & Wiki, I stuck with it. Not just because I had to for work, but because I seriously wanted to get through all the game's excellent puzzles. I was legitimately hooked. Pretty much the last sensation I was expecting from this one.

It just goes to show you that as predictable as this industry can be, sometimes something comes from out of left field and knocks you back on your coal-mining ass. Puzzle Quest did that to a lot of people earlier in the year, and more recently, Portal has kind of taken on this kind of mythic level of praise from practically everyone who plays it. But you know what? I'd dare say that both those games, though maybe better than expected, were still expected to be pretty rad. Zack & Wiki, for all its "looked kind of neat" comments, never really built up much hype. Maybe a few of those crazy forum kids knew something I didn't, but it's safe to say that general expectations were low. Now, I would hope, expectations will raise, as will sales. This is a game absolutely worth owning. I can't say I've said that about a whole lot of Wii games thus far.

Now, let's be fair, the game ain't perfect. Zack & Wiki as characters are kind of lame, and for as much trouble as Capcom went to creating this new property, it sure didn't spend much time on the script. But what it did spend the time on was the gameplay--and the presentation too, but more importantly, gameplay. Specifically, it did something most third-party developers haven't really done with the Wii. It took the time to make the control mechanics work, and work well. Every now and again I'd encounter an off-feeling mechanic, or a stage that didn't feel quite as great as the other 20-some-odd stages (I think there was one boss fight I legitimately disliked, and maybe one or two puzzles that bugged me--that was about it), but those were, by and large, aberrations in an otherwise great game.

To me, this begs a question: How many Dewy's Adventures' and Dragon Blade: Wrath of Fire's were people going to put up with before enough was enough? I've seen some people complain that we hate the Wii and that our scores are always lower than everyone else's and blahblahblah. Whatever. While I understand that's the typical forum kid rabblerousing, I'd like to think that Zack & Wiki proves a point. It proves that it's not a matter of disliking the Wii, so much as it is a matter of being pissed off at how few developers were really putting this console through its paces, taking the time to build something unique and awesome, something that isn't from the Mario Factory and yet smacks of the kind of quality we've come to expect from the console builder's software over the years. I mean, let's face it: Occasional Barrel Blast aside, it's been practically all Nintendo coming out with the hot games for this thing, with a very few exceptions. Zack & Wiki shows that when you put in the time, you can make controls that are intuitive and fun, you can make a game that looks truly excellent, however limited the system's hardware might be, and you can do it all without shoving standard Nintendo characters into the mix--even if this game's hero could have used a bit of tweaking.

Now the question is, will it sell? One would hope, given the insane number of Wii consoles out there. Given the $40 price tag, it seems almost criminal to think that people might ignore this one. And yet, at the same time, I can't help but get a Psychonauts-like "critics darling" vibe off this one. I don't want that feeling, but it's there, nagging at me, the same way it did when I played that fateful game. I'd like to see Capcom get rewarded for going out on a limb here, much the same way I want to see publishers who shovel utter dreck onto Wii shelves like compost onto a pile lose a good deal of money and be forced to rethink their strategies. To the nearly 150,000 people who dropped $50 on the utter mediocrity that was Cooking Mama: Cook Off, and the more than 350,000 people who put down full price on the buggy, mindless, altogether unpleasant garbage that was Red Steel, you are hereby required to pick up Zack & Wiki, or I'm coming to all your houses, and it's going to be extremely unpleasant.

I guess my main motivation for writing this was to make a semi-plea to all the Wii owners of the world not to ignore this one. I know the review should be enough, but, you know, the review should have been enough for Psychonauts too, and look how well that went. If the cute is too much for you, I get it, I really do. But even still, it's worth giving this game a look if you like challenging adventure games.

UPDATES - Last Update: 10:18 PM PST

11:35 - Nothing quite like waking up in the morning with a stabbing pain in the right side of your neck. I can't quite turn my head all the way to the right, so I'm pretty excited about that.

Anyway, I woke up a bit early this morning and have been banging away at the latest Temple of the Ocean King. I forgot to mention that I got the hookshot in the last temple, so that did make getting around a smidge easier. I guess the one thing to note is that once you figure out the solution for each level of this temple, it's not terribly difficult or time-consuming to do them again, but it is a bit tedious. New section was a pretty good pain. Guards who can teleport, lots of moving alarms, and one particularly rough timed section that would basically be impossible without bombchus. Gotta love those bombchus. Parts of this game are definitely on the easy side, but this temple can get pretty sadistic at times. Once I made my way through, I got the northwest seachart.

My updates from here on out today will probably be a bit more scattered and less specific, one because I'll be playing in more scattered fashion (errands to run, and such), and because I kinda don't want to give away too much of the endgame. So keep an eye on the blog, but don't be refreshing every eight seconds hoping for an update. Because it ain't comin'!

12:24 - Northwestern waters have a lot of rocks and pirates and unpleasant sea creatures. There are two islands, one of which is initially inaccessable. There's an item on the island you can access that will get you to the other one, but this island's pretty puzzly, so you'll have to do a bunch of running around before you can get that item. It's got kind of a Lost Woods sort of vibe going on toward the end. Again, gotta love the ability to write notes on your map. So, yeah, worked my way through that, and now I'm off to the second island.

2:49 - Made it through what I think is the last temple before my last trip to the Temple of the Ocean King, that being the Sand Temple. Just getting through this island to the entrance of the temple took a bit of doing, so you can just imagine how the temple itself was. One very trap-happy temple, with some evilly tricky puzzles. Boss fight was even a little on the tough side, but I eventually prevailed...after taking a quick break halfway through to go get a few groceries. Anyway, I've got what should be the last metal I need to get the phantom sword. Time to sail out to the blacksmith's island and see if I'm proven correct.

2:54 - As I was writing that, the Niners just got scored on again. I'm really glad I had Zelda this weekend, because if I were forced to actually pay attention to this game, I'd be super-depressed right now. Really, REALLY looking forward to the Pats/Bengals game tomorrow.

3:27 - Yep, that's all I needed. After handing off the metals to the dude, I waited for a bit, had another encounter with the female pirate, then went back and got my sword. It's missing a handle, but after travelling back to the main island...well, let's just say that it was taken care of. Don't want to spoil the sequence. As of now, I'm going to take a lunch break and eat a sammich. After that, I'll be tackling the Temple of the Ocean King for what I believe is one final time. And I swear to god, if the big twist at the end is that you actually have to find eight more seacharts within the temple and collect a bunch of triforce shards scattered throughout the ocean, I'm going to have an aneurysm.

10:18 - Oh, yeah, I beat it by the way. No spoilers, no big flowery gushy descriptions of what happened. I will simply say that it ends well with some satisfying fights. And that last trip through the Temple of the Ocean King actually wasn't half bad. All told, I think it took me about 14-15 hours to bust through it, and I know I didn't find all the uncharted islands or sunken treasure, so there's definitely more to do. Also spent some time playing online against international folk in the multiplayer. I can't say it's spectacular, but it's not bad, either. I kinda dig the sort of pseudo-Pac-Man vs. thing it has going on. It's kinda neat, and it's online, which is cool.

I actually beat it hours ago, but I've been collecting my thoughts (and also doing more dishes, going for a walk with the lady friend, watching the season finale of Rock of Love [best/worst/best again show EVER]), and just getting myself prepped to write the review tomorrow. Want a sneak preview? If I may out and out steal a joke from Jeff here...

Look for the review tomorrow.

UPDATES - Last Updated 11:44 PM PST

12:43 - You ever have one of those mornings when you wake up, and you have no sense of what day it is? I woke up at like 8:45 this morning, looked around, wondered why my alarm hadn't gone off and why Jeff hadn't shown up to roll with me to work yet. Then I realized it was Saturday, slept for two more hours, and had roughly the same exact bit of confusion when I woke up later. Yeesh. Now I'm showered, shaved, and ready to get the Zelda on. Whoo!

12:52 - Yeah, this third temple is kooky as hell. Moving platforms, lots of traps you have to avoid, and an enemy type that won't take damage unless you scream into the microphone first to disable it. I'm just trying to envision someone playing this on a bus and screaming into their DS. Awkward to say the least.

1:00 - Oh invisible platforms, you will be death of me. Literally. Good thing I can sketch out the invisible pathway on the map. Got the bow and arrow. I foresee this coming in handy for the rest of the temple.

1:36 - Clever boss fight in this one. Not the toughest boss I've ever encountered, but very cool fight that uses both screens to great effect. Another solid temple all around. Lots of drawing stuff on the map, and I'll just say that there's a very specific order to it that becomes clear early on. Rescued the Spirit of Courage (who is oddly silent) and got another heart container. Ah jeez, I really hope I don't have to go back to the Temple of the Ocean King again. If I do, I think I may put that off a bit and do a little exploring first.

1:45 - Plot twist! No spoilers, just...you know...plot twist!

1:50 - Was about to head off toward the death fog to go find the ghost ship, when some crazy pirate lady attacked and started shooting torpedoes at us. I think Limebeck and this chick are previously acquainted. She caught up, we sword fought, I won, and off we go.

1:57 - Found the ghost ship. This seems like as good of a spot as any to pause and take a few questions:

In regards to the linearity of the game, the storyline definitely has a very linear flow to it. You are going from one point to the next in a very specific order. However, there's plenty of side ventures to take part in, it seems. Uncharted islands to explore, treasure to discover, etc. I'm pretty sure I could have gone through without ever picking up that cyclone slate, but it's come in handy thus far. It's worth exploring beyond the primary quests.

In regards to the difficulty, it's not very tough at this point. I've died a couple of times, but that's mainly because I keep forgetting to stock up on potions before I tackle a temple. The puzzles are clever, but I have yet to get truly stuck at this point. Usually the path to glory is at least somewhat clear.

In regards to game length, I think I'm about halfway through at this point. I still have two seacharts to find, which I imagine I'll start doing after this ghost ship bit.

In regards to those enemies that have to be shouted at, yeah, they look like a cross between a Pikachu and Buggs Bunny. Gigantic ears and fat and yellow.

In regards to how long it takes to eat a sandwich, 45 minutes, minimum. At least, that is if you're doing it correctly. Hmmm. A sandwich sounds kinda good. Time to call the girlfriend and see if she can bring me back some grub on her way home from work. After that, to the ghost ship!

2:24 - So, I'm inside the ship, and there are these sisters trapped throughout the ship. I have to escort them back to the first sister I found. There's something...unsettling about them. Something...sinister. I wonder if they're left handed...

2:55 - Yeah, I was right. After rescuing all the sisters, they turned into creepy ghosts and I ended up playing an evil game of table tennis with them until I'd smoked them all. They send me in the direction of Tetra. I find her, but without giving too much away, I'll just say all is not right. Gramps mysteriously appears again. Dude has a knack for getting around. He explains a bunch of stuff which I won't go into here. Again, plot twist. From here, big, big bout of plot exposition with more of the art cutout style cutscenes. Love the art on these.

3:03 - Some decent comedy in this game's dialogue sequences. Limebeck is a good comic foil. Anyway, long story short, I know who the ultimate evil is behind all these monsters and crap now. I've got to go see some blacksmith who has some idea of how to defeat it. But before that, I really need a burrito. More later!

4:35 - OK, I am fully burrito'd. To Bannan Island, and the blacksmith!

4:48 - OK, so that wasn't the right island. But I did find a mermaid and a weird target shooting minigame on that one!

4:59 - Found the island with blacksmith. I need to get three pure metals for him so he can build the phantom sword, the weapon I need to dispell evil and all that. Three different tribes on various islands have them. I gotta go back to the Ocean King's temple to get a new seachart. Sunuva!

5:06 - Bought a quiver so now I can carry more arrows. Back at the temple, another earthquake hits. I go inside and the phantom dudes are now glowing red, which apparently means they're faster. Joy! I'm really beginning to loathe this temple.

5:39 - Oh sweet tapdancing Christ, there's a save point here at the next section of the Ocean King temple. That is the LAST time I will ever have to deal with those levels. I'm sure there will still be some repetition here and there, but at least that section's over and done with. Now then...

6:02 - Well, now I know why they added this midway save. The temple turns into a gigantic pain in the ass from here. Floors that make noises that alert the phantoms, weird ghost things that attack you from time to time, and of course, more invisible platforms. This might be OK if I didn't have to be constantly carrying around crystals to fit in holes to open doors. Sigh. I'm going to go put on a load of laundry and hope my head clears a bit before tackling this again.

6:46 - After doing a few household chores, I tackled that temple again and finished it with a couple of minutes to spare. Yeesh that section was annoying. Got the southeastern sea chart. Let's see about finding that first precious metal now.

6:48 - Just checked the hockey scores. LA trounced the Ducks. Who'da thunk it? That Bernier kid looks like he might be for reals.

7:17 - Gorons! I always loved these guys. Had to introduce myself to everyone on the island so the chief would accept me into the tribe...for a small fee, of course. Wandered around a maze for a bit until I figured out the slightly opaque solution, then headed off to the Goron's temple for the first metal. I wonder if this one will be markedly tougher than the previous temples...

8:07 - Nah, not much tougher. It's really only the ocean king's temple that kinda sucks at this point. Another solid temple with some good puzzles, most of which revolve around bombchus. You also get a goron helper at one point. And possibly my favorite boss fight thus far. Heart container woot! First pure metal woot! Sounds like the head Goron wants to see me before I leave. Let's see what he wants.

8:12 - Just more money. Oh well, nothing to sneeze at.

8:27 - Arrived at the isle of frost, which is completely encased in ice from the get-go, which means I've gotta blast it away with my ship. Doesn't help that weird flying eyeballs are attacking me. Finished that off, and now heading to the island to speak to the population.

8:40 - Well that was just silly. The Isle of Frost has two native inhabitants, the Anuki and the Yook. The chief of the ANuki thinks they have a spy in their midst, so I had to deduce who it was by doing the sort of process of elimination problem I haven't had to do since seventh grade. After doing that and then beating up some Yook on my way to the Ice Temple, I...uh...well, I went to the Ice Temple. I'm gonna pause here for a little while and take a break. For some reason, I have a very distinct and altogether perplexing desire to do some dishes. More later.

10:31 - Mkay, after a little break, I'm ready to get back to it. I'd like to at least bust through this temple before I crash for the night. Maybe we'll go further, we'll see.

11:24 - Definitely the toughest of the traditional temples so far, though the boss fight was wicked easy once I figured out what to do. Still, a few tough puzzles and challenges in this one. Got my stuff, and I'm heading out.

11:39 - While sailing around I discovered a really weird and kind of awesome secret island. No spoilers, it's just rad. You'll know it when you find it. Beyond that, it looks like I'm heading back to the Temple of the Ocean King for one more seachart. Not looking forward to that, so I'm going to quit here for the night and resume tomorrow.

Current impressions? I'm loving everything about the game except for one thing, and that's the slog that is the Temple of the Ocean King. I don't quite get why there is this insistance on making you jam back to this place over and over again. I certainly appreciate the challenge of the temple itself (not to mention the save point that pops up halfway through the game) but having to redo chunks of it multiple times is just not that much fun. Beyond that though, very few complaints. The controls are a dream, if you ask me. Love the responsiveness, and very rarely have they caused me to do anything dumb. Game looks amazing, as I've said, and while the story is contrived in a very stereotypically Zelda kind of way, I like the characters I've encountered thus far and I am legitimately excited to see how it all ends. Look more more updates tomorrow. For now, sleep. Because that's where I'm a Viking.

And we're back to the Zeldaing. What delights await us today?

UPDATES - Last Updated 5:57 PM PST

10:03 - It begins...

10:20 - Kind of a goofy first boss fight. As you'd expect, it's big on the boomerang useage. Just not real clear at first if the thing it looks like you're supposed doing is the right thing to do. It is. Beating him released Leaf, the Spirit of Power, who looks like a fairy, except glowing red. He's going to join my posse. Sweet. Also, at the end of a boss fight, you get a heart container. Talk about bucking trends!

10:25 - Apparently I need to find three of these spirits in order to track down the ghost ship. Power, wisdom, and courage. Triforce anyone?

10:35 - Got the Phantom Hourglass back at the temple of the Ocean King (I knew I'd have to come back here). Now I can search through the temple without getting the life sucked out of me until all the sand reaches the bottom. And before any of you smart alecs out there start whining about how you could just flip the glass over again endlessly, no you bloody can't, and the game addresses that particular contrivance. So nyah!

11:01 - Stealth sequences! Agh! Actually, this section wasn't half bad. Big knight demon dudes you couldn't kill wandered the three floors of the Ocean King temple, and I just had to avoid them while wandering around finding keys and "force gems" (see if you can read between the lines on that one). Some neat traps in this one. Got a new sea chart. I predict more sailing!

11:20 - I must sail northwest, but I need a cannon to break some rocks that are directly in the ship's path. Maybe I should take a trip to cannon island...

11:22 - A copy of Chibi-Robo: Park Patrol just showed up on my desk. On the box is a fat sticker that says "Only at Wal-Mart." That's always a good sign.

11:38 - Cannon island is an island where a guy...makes...cannons... Well, at least there's no false advertising. Had to circumnavigate the entire length of the island to get to the guy, but now I can get all cannon happy on those rocks. Picked up a treasure map too. I'll need a salvage arm before I can get it, though, and the cannon dude hasn't built it yet. Does that mean when I come back, this place will be called Salvage Arm Island?

12:21 - Ran into the ghost ship along the way, and got trapped in a blinding thicket of fog. If you go the wrong way, it resets you back to the beginning of the area. Flailed around in that for a while until a realized Limebeck had hinted about asking someone on a nearby island for help. Sailed back to an island I hadn't been to and got some info by digging a lot of holes with a newly gotten shovel and pilfering some old sailor's journal. As you would figure, the route through the fog is appropriately labyrinthine. Drew the route on my map and set sail.

12:30 - Made it through that damned fog and fought off some pirate ships to get to the next island. I think I'll break here and let my DS recharge for a short bit. Translation: I need a sandwich. More later.

1:15 - To heck with a sandwich, curry in a hurry is the way to go. Chicken Tikka Masala FTW! OK, back to it.

1:28 - This island has a wind gimmick. Big gusts of wind knock me around from time to time, and I just had to blow on a bunch of sacred windmills to get some doors to open. Yeah blowin' on stuff! Wait, what?!?

1:38 - Got legitimately stuck for the first time inside this latest temple, until I realized one of the doors I thought was sealed wasn't. God I'm awesome. While I'm reveling in my own stupidity, I also realized I've failed to mention how totally amazing this game looks. They really did just shove Wind Waker onto a DS cart. You can see the little details Nintendo skimped on to get it to fit, but they're small things. The art style is still amazing, the frame rate never drops, and the camera hasn't screwed me over once yet. Beautiful looking game.

1:40 - Rock Band pricing announced. $170 for everything! Sorry, I know, off topic, but that's exciting!

2:16 - Great second temple. Solid puzzles all around, and the boss fight is nicely tricky. Got the bomb bag here, and the whole level nicely mixed the wind theme with the bomb mechanics. I can definitely feel the game picking up some momentum here. Hopefully it keeps it up.

2:18 - This time it's Neri, the Spirit of Wisdom I've rescued. Heart container! Whoo! OK, break time. More later.

3:22 - Mkay, enough of that "real work" crud. Back to the Zelda.

3:35 - Explored an uncharted island, solved a silly riddle, and picked up the cyclone slate from a giant creepy golden frog dude. This will allow me to travel around via sea cyclones. Boss.

4:13 - So once I headed back to the main island, I had to go back to the temple of the Ocean King, and had to go through all the puzzles I'd solved previously to get to the next area. Bombs helped me circumvent a few of the more lengthy sections, but don't go in without an ample number. I just ran out and ended up having to go back and buy more--at which point, I had to go through the temple AGAIN to get back to that spot. Fun. I really hate it when games make you repeat stuff. I have a feeling there's some sort of teleporting device I'll get later on, but right now this is a little annoying.

4:55 - Mkay, finally got through that blasted temple. A few good puzzles eventually made up for the repetition, including one of those "close the DS shut to solve something" dealies. Now I'm off to another island that isn't on my map. Who makes these silly maps anyway? They're not very accurate.

5:08 - Actually, instead of that, I decided to go buy the salvage arm and go hunt for treasure. I had to yell into the microphone to show just how badly I wanted it. Not the most comfortable thing to do in an office environment.

5:15 - Dug up some extra sand for the Phantom Hourglass using the salvage arm. Gives me more time to live! Salvaging is more of a minigame now, so that's kinda neat. Also, the cyclone slate is pretty neat. You find these little golden frog dudes swimming around, and when you shoot them with your cannon, they stop to chat, and show you a symbol you can draw on the slate to warp back to that point any time. Right, because that's what I do when someone shoots me with a cannon. I exchange pleasantries.

5:49 - Had to sail around for a while until I could remember what I was supposed to do with this crazy key I picked up from the uncharted spot on the map. Then I realized I'd drawn that thing on one of the island maps earlier. This feature DOES come in handy!

5:57 - Just opened up the third temple. Think I'll stop here for tonight and maybe dabble a bit later. Got a concert to go to tonight, so I dunno if I'll play anymore. We'll see. Thus far I like the game a whole bunch, though I'm a little dubious on the game's insistance on forcing you to revisit the same areas again and again. Mainly it's just that damn Temple of the Ocean King. Hopefully this new temple is good. More later/tomorrow!

Howdy all,

Yesterday, a shiny retail copy of The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass crossed my cluttered desk, and I immediately let out a mild squeal of utter glee. I enjoyed the Wind Waker more than I probably had any right to, given the obscene fetch quest at the end. Definitely been looking forward to this one, and getting to review it should be a nice change of pace from the generic street racers and endless poker games of which I have been forced to partake lately. Unfortunately, I haven't gotten to start in on it yet, as I've been handcuffed to a less-than-stellar other game which shall remain nameless...at least, until the review goes up later today. Rest assured, I'll be getting at least an hour or two in before today's On The Spot demo.

Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, I wanted to try doing something a little bit different with this review. Technically, there's no review embargo for Phantom Hourglass, so I'm free to say whatever the hell I like about it until the review goes up on Monday. As such, I'll be periodically updating my blog with any interesting notes about the game as I play. I'll avoid any significant spoilers wherever I can, but if you'd like to get a little preview of what the game's all about between now and Monday, here ya go. I don't know how long this will last, as I've heard the game isn't much longer than 15 hours, but hopefully there's enough meat to the package to keep this going for another couple of days.

I'll be creating a new blog entry each day, and adding updates infrequently to that day's blog as I go, so be sure to check the page periodically to see if I've added anything. Also, if you have any questions, feel free to ask them in the comments section. Try to keep them specific, if you can. Questions of "OMG IS IT AWESUMZ?" will be ignored, as hopefully the tone of my posts will let you know if it is, indeed, awesome.

Anyway, with that, let the game begin!

UPDATES - Last Updated 06:09 PM PST

1:00 - Popped in the cartridge. Opening cinematic of seagulls flying by a pirate ship immediately greets me. Link is strattling the front mast of the ship with a %$#*-eating grin on his face. Don't want to guess why. I am also immediately struck as I watch this cutscene that my DS Lite screens are absolutely filthy. It's like Sylvester the Cat ate Lobster over top of this thing. I need some kind of DS squeegee.

1:05 - The game asks me if I hold the stylus in my right or left hand. I choose right, because I am not a child of Satan.

1:11 - Neat opening cinematic with a paper-cutout art style that briefly recaps Wind Waker's plot. Turns out it's an art project by one of Tetra's pirates. Looks like this one picks up very, very soon after Wind Waker left off. Zelda is all Tetra'd out again, hates being called Zelda. Link is apparently a lazy ass, sleeping while he's supposed to be on lookout. Something about a ghost ship. Intrigue!

1:15 - Yep, there's the ghost ship. Tetra's convinced it's got treasure on board, and in a classic bit of plot setup, makes the ill-advised move of hopping on board, only to get kidnapped, or ghostnapped, or something. Link leaps after her, but ends up in the drink. Cut to a scene of Tetra getting sucked down into the ninth level of hell. This is all still the opening cinematic, by the way, so I don't consider this spoilers. I won't be getting as granular with the rest of the plot happenings.

1:17 - Link awakens on an island with a fairy swirling around him. He looks haggard. I think this is how they're explaining why he has none of his items or abilities from Wind Waker. Whee. Fairy's name is Ciela. Apparently she's got amnesia, so she can't help you solve this ghost ship dillema. She directs you toward someone named "grandpa."

1:22 - Met up with gramps. He tells me not to go find the ghost ship. It's evil, like the Event Horizon, or something. Of course I'm going to. He directs me to a sailor who knows more. Ciela's coming with me. This is where the game starts explaining map stuff. It highlights the area near the docks. The map seems to exist on the top screen exclusively at the moment. I assume once I have to start drawing on it, that will change.

1:30 - Second I walk out of the house, an earthquake hits. Apparently there's monsters about. Yay. Before going through the spooky monster filled cave that will take me to the other side of the island (the decidedly less monster-filled bridge got destroyed in the quake), I break rocks for a guy and find rupees in them. He pays me one rupee for my trouble (I made more than that from the rock breaking itself!), and directs me to a tree on the other side of the map that has something neat inside it. Yep, here's where you mark your map for the first time. Either I have Parkinsons disease or it's really hard to write legibly on this thing. I do my best, all the same.

1:36 - Puzzle solving! I need a sword before I can take the monster-filled path. Gramps has a storehouse. There's a code that must be drawn on a sign before it will open. I will leave it to you folk to figure it out. I'll just say that the symbol recognition via the touch screen seems pretty spot-on so far.

1:40 - Gramps has to train me on the sword. I know this is a tutorial, but seriously, did Link falling in the ocean turn his brain into mush? He just saved the princess like one GameCube game ago!

1:46 - If you're going to lock up a cave with a giant door, why would you put the key in a chest three feet away? Early level, I know, but come on now. Also, sword combat is nicely responsive. Nothing but slimes and bats so far, but I've been cuttin' 'em good.

1:49 - Solved a puzzle while having to draw stuff on the map. I think I'm going to stop here for a little bit so I can show this puzzle on On the Spot, and cut some more dudes after that. Seems like a good, early spot to show off. Watch the show, dammit! More later!

4:26 - OTS demo is over. If you caught it, you saw a couple of quick puzzles solved. If anyone noticed that I missed the quick running rat with the key a few times with my sword, that's because I kept trying to tap on it. Fast moving enemies tend not to get caught by that attack very easily. You're supposed to do a sideways slash in their direction to do more of a broad swipe. That works better. So, yeah, I'm just a dumb-dumb.

4:39 - Few questions answered. Gramps is set up as a resident of the island who rescued Ciela when she lost her memory. He's just a kindly old man who knows a thing or two about a thing or two. And in regards to the controls, so far I dig 'em. However, yes, they are very much like the drag-happy controls from Animal Crossing: WW, so if you hated that, you may not dig this. THE BUTTONS, THEY DO NOTHING. NOTHING!!!

4:56 - Went to where the sailor was supposed to be, but no dice. Someone suggests I check out the milk bar. He ain't there either. Bartender says he went to the temple of the Ocean King. Aha, that's what that big temple looking thing is on the top of the island. A temple! Fitting, really. A patron says something about the place sucking the souls out of all those who enter. Maybe I should go buy a wooden shield first.

4:59 - The tree with the special thingamajigger in it? Big rupee worth 100 rupees. Now I can go buy some bombs when I'm done with this quest.

5:03 - Skeletons with souls hanging above them litter the entry way to the temple, telling me they should have made notes on their map, and that enemies unkillable with swords wander the halls. Fun!

5:08 - This sailor guy, Linebeck, is kind of a prick He's trapped in the temple and needs help. Looks like the gimmick here is that certain areas of the floor drain your life, but there are safe zones, often with hearts contained in jars. Anyway, after freeing Linebeck, he gives you a key and rather forcefully demands you find the clue about the ghost ship contained within the temple. Sounds like a plan!

5:17 - Wow. Short temple. Picked up the first seachart in about two minutes. Granted, it's the very first temple. Plus there was a door I couldn't open. Get the feeling I'll be coming back here at some point. This excursion seemed like more of a launching point to get you on your first quest. Sailing for the win! Let's see how this goes...

5:24 - Sailing's super easy. Just plot a course on the seachart, and the boat drives there automagically. You can stop it at any time if there's something you need to do. Went to the first island. Fought some octarocs inside a fortune teller's place, then had to yell into the microphone to get her attention behind a locked door. Yay for microphone useage.

5:39 - Had to wander around the island a bit to solve the puzzle that rescued the fortune teller. Best line in the game so far: "You touched the right places."

5:44 - Yeah blowing in the microphone! This game really is running the gamut of DS gimmicks. Not in a bad way, mind you. To the fire temple!

6:09 - Died for the first time inside the Fire Temple, so I think I'll stop here for the evening. You get the boomerang here, and the temple is filled to the brim with boomerangy puzzles. Drawing the path for the boomerang is neat, and so far the puzzles have been clever, if not super-challenging. Some enemies can only be taken down via the boomerang as well. Specifically the flaming variety. This is definitely a properly involved temple, with multiple floors and all sorts of traps and baddies. There is apparently some evil darkness at the end of this temple, but that'll have to wait until tomorrow. I have domestic duties to take care of this evening, so no more Zelda until tomorrow. Check in tomorrow for more updates!

As someone who has been playing drums on and off for a good 13 years now, Rock Band started out as an interesting curiosity. Drum games have never quite worked for me. I hear the DrumMania arcade machines are pretty awesome, but I've never played one. The closest I ever came was the home version Konami released here in 2000, and I thought that game was garbage, primarily because the pads just sucked. Beyond that, the landscape gets pretty bare, degenerating into the Donkey Konga and Taiko Drum Master range--games I don't much enjoy, myself.

Then Harmonix had to go and do something crazy. They build this kooky pad set that's set up pretty similarly to most practice pads you can buy at real music stores, include some drum sticks, and design the gameplay in such a way that by the time you get up to expert level, you are actually playing the goddamn drums. There are no bones about it. This isn't the guitar hero/real guitar debate all over again. You may be hitting less stuff than you are when you play a real drum kit, but you are hitting that less stuff in a mechanically identical way to authentic drumming. Essentially, whether you want it to be or not, this is a teaching tool. Rock Band is going to manufacture real, honest to god drummers.

I know it sounds like hyperbole, and I don't mean to oversell the game. But at no point was this fact more apparent to me than today at EA's Summer Showcase, the company's big gamer's day thing where it showed off the gaggle of games it has coming out for the next eight months. Brad covered the basics in his updated hands-on. EA had the game playable inside the campus' auditorium, complete with a drum riser and a gigantic screen behind the people playing. Hell of a set-up, and certainly not the way you'll see the game played by most consumers, but awesome all the same.

Anyway, I digress. I spent some time playing the game after I got all my write-ups done. Much of the time was spent drumming, and I finally got to try a few songs on hard and expert. When I first got hands-on time with the game back at E3, during that fateful stage performance during the live broadcast, I set the game to medium because, quite frankly, I was a little paranoid about looking like an idiot on live internet TV. The thing about the drums on medium is that it skips hits. Like, for instance, on the bass drum intro to "Wanted Dead or Alive," you only hit the bass pedal once on every hit, even though the rhythm is a hit followed by two quick hits in a "dun, dundun, dun, dundun" kind of thing. Hard and expert put it back to the real rhythm. Same goes for every song. For me, being a drummer, that is a much more natural feel. I've heard these songs, and come to expect notes that aren't there on easy and medium. On the songs that I played today, including "Wanted Dead or Alive," "Say It Ain't So," (did both hard AND expert on that one) and "Wave of Mutilation," I did everything on hard and expert, and fell into each song really quickly. In some instances, I wasn't even really looking that carefully at the screen because the rhythms just became natural. I think I damn near broke that bass pedal during "Wave of Mutilation" I was rocking out so hard.

Of course, there's a flipside to that coin. I sat and watched several other people, who I presume weren't drummers of any kind, fumble their way through the available songs. Some people you could tell were just hopeless, completely unable to grasp the proper timing even on easy. Some people just don't have a sense of rhythm--it happens. Others seemed to grasp the timing, but clearly just weren't used to holding sticks and hitting things in said timing, not to mention using their foot as well. Those are the guys I watched get better each time they played. Most of them dared not go beyond medium, but you could see them get more comfortable with each song they played. They weren't hitting 100% or anything, but the comfort level definitely improved.

And that's the thing of it: the ability to learn the basics of drumming is there, embedded within the game. I guarantee that anyone with a rhythmic bone in their body who picks up Rock Band and dedicates themselves to getting good at the drumming part of the game will be able to play a real drum kit at least well enough to get by. I'm not saying you're going to become the next Neil Peart or Danny Carrey by playing Rock Band, because you won't, but you will be able to comfortably play a 4/4 rock beat, the cornerstone of all things rock drumming. It took me a good number of lessons before I got to a point where a 4/4 beat became second nature. You kids are going to have it easy.

The one thing that's still an x-factor for me is drum fills. To me, at least from the couple of songs I played today, it seemed like a big difference between hard and expert difficulty was the way fills are mapped out. For instance, "Say It Ain't So" plays basically the same the whole way through on both hard and expert, save for a few minor adjustments. The big difference is the wicked crazy snare fill right at the end of the bridge/guitar solo. It's easy on hard, and note for note difficult on expert. That stuff is fine--the thing I'm more concerned about are the fills people can make on their own. Save for a few song sections I remembered as having very specific fills, the "free fill" areas, as I call them, seemed to be a little random at times. Plus, because of the way the audio was mixed in the room, I had a hard time hearing what I was even doing when I was hitting that stuff. Mind you, I'm all for improvisation, I was simply left curious as to whether those free fill sections would sound particularly good if you knew what you were doing, or just lead to a lot of messy sounding drum wankery, a la Keith Moon on a horse tranquilizer bender.

The thing that's really interesting about all of this is that drummers are traditionally the hardest brand of musician to breed. Well, OK, maybe harpsichord players are tougher, but in the realm of rock, drummers are notoriously tough to get, especially good ones. There's a simple reason for this--drums are a pain in the ass. The equipment is heavy, awkward, and expensive, and drummers simply do not get the glory. Ever. Guitarists and singers get all the fame, the money, the notoriety, and, of course, the women. Bass players might not get much glory, but they've got it relatively easy in terms of equipment hassles and at least they get to move around on stage and get noticed. What do drummers get? With a few exceptions, they get a few quick camera shots in the videos and performances and no love beyond that. And the women? Unless you're ridiculous famous (like, Tommy Lee/Lars Ulrich/Travis Barker status), you're getting the chicks that the guitar player and singer turned away. I guess the one exception is that guy from the Strokes (whose name I don't know and refuse to look up), who as I recall, is shacking up with Drew Barrymore. Wait, does that even count? Didn't Drew Barrymore's hotness and relevance dry up sometime around 1993? That's like winning the lottery and finding out your winnings have been rate adjusted for what they'd have been worth 15 years ago.

So, yeah, long story short, drummers don't get much play, despite the amount of effort that goes into the craft. Maybe Rock Band will change that to some degree. It's still an overly expensive instrument to pick up, but if you learn the basics of drumming before you have to spend dime one on a crappy Mapex starter kit (do they even still make those?) with even crappier Sabian entry-level cymbals and hardware that looks like it's made out of a combination of thin sheets of tin and a prayer (all of which still costs several hundred dollars, at LEAST), maybe that will make the decision all the clearer, and solidify or dissolve whatever drive you might have to learn the instrument for real. That's what's been missing from drumming. A concrete and popular way to get people interested without spending an assload of money. Sure, we don't know how much Rock Band will cost, but anything other than a kidney, a first-born child, and all your body hair would be a good start.

It's much, much too early to say definitively if Rock Band will be worth owning for all the people of the world. But for anyone with aspirations of one day sitting behind 40-piece drum kit floating inside a spinning cage high atop a stage inside a jam packed arena (because, let's face it, we've ALL had that dream at least once in our lives), it's looking like it could be the sort of thing that 's just too cool and too beneficial to pass up.

"AFI to C4."

"Miss. Suffragette City to A2..."

"Hit. Welcome to the Jungle to E5..."

"Hey, I was going to use that! Hit. Er...Paranoid to A3..."

"You sunk my battleship. Metallica's 'One' to E4."

"Crap, you just sunk most of my fleet. How about the Entire Nirvana Nevermind album to C1?"

"Wow, my whole gameboard just caught on fire. And I think I just wet myself..."

In Guitar Hero and Rock Band, the game industry now has something that it hasn't had in a good long time. Two competing franchises that offer similar gameplay experiences, and are now forced to constantly one-up one another on a yearly basis to stay ahead of the game. Remember the great Madden/2K football wars of the early 2000s? That was a beautiful time to be alive. Neither franchise could simply rest on its laurels, lest the competition sneak up behind them the following year and stick a knife in their backs. Guitar Hero had it easy for a couple of years there with nothing to directly challenge it except some middling karaoke games and the DDR juggernaut that most people haven't cared about that much in years. Then Rock Band came along, and everything changed.

As much as I liked Guitar Hero II, that very much felt like a game that was the result of no direct competition, specifically the song list. Why spend a billion dollars on all the rock classics people actually want when you can get a bunch of B-tier stuff by the same bands for cheaper? Not to mention the lack of desire to pay top dollar for original master tracks when you can just cover the songs on the cheap. Then Harmonix goes and runs off to MTV and EA, and Activision is faced with a potential 800 lb. gorilla coming straight at them, gnashing teeth, rage-filled eyes and all. Now they've got to step up their game.

And to be fair, they have. Up to this point the Guitar Hero III has gone nearly step-for-step with Rock Band. The initial volley from Activision was more than solid, with bona fide classics from Weezer, the Beastie Boys, Kiss and the Scorpions. Then at E3, Rock Band fires back with song announcements of their own, including the much sought-after inclusion of Metallica, and then drops the bomb of getting full albums for the game. So what does Activision do? It starts loading up on the big guns. Slayer's "Raining Blood," Iron Maiden's "Number of the Beast," ZZ Top's "La Grange," and even two of Rock Band's heralded songs in "Mississippi Queen" and "Paranoid." And then they go out and get a Metallica song for themselves, reported (but currently unconfirmed) to be "One," AKA THE Metallica song.

It can only get crazier from here, and that's a really exciting thing to see from the perspective of a potential buyer. I love me some Guitar Hero, and I believe that this Rock Band competition is only going to make that franchise better. And then on the other side, I'm super excited about what Rock Band is all about. I can't wait to see what else they have in store for their track list, and to get some serious play time in with those drum pads.

All told, 2007 has already proven to be a banner year for rhythm games, and this holiday season looks like it's going to cap it off in grand fashion. I'm sure the two publishers are all having a hissy fit right now given this sudden onset of competition, but I hope they realize that it's exactly this level of competition that's getting people excited about their products. The last thing anyone wants is another unremarkable rhythm game like Guitar Hero Rocks the '80s. There's enough rock songs out there to keep this competition going for a long, long time. And I can't wait to see how it all goes down.

On that note, I leave you with a just-released vid from the folks at ScoreHero.com of Dragonforce's "Through the Fire and Flames" being played on expert in GH III. Weep softly, or loudly, I don't care. Either way, you will weep. Thank god this is a bonus song.

Pardon me while I cheat on GameSpot for a moment and indulge my need to criticize outside the realm of videogames. I know, I'm breaking my vows. Don't worry, I'll buy the site a new fur coat. Works every time.

With the girlfriend off work all weekend, and my required play time for reviewing Mario Strikers Charged finished up earlier than expected (there's no embargo, so I'll just say now that it's pretty good--nothing amazing, but solid multiplayer fun), I took in a couple of flicks with the lady--specifically, two absolutely stunning looking films that, in one way or another, drove me to teeth-gnashing frustration with a variety of writing/directorial issues. From our ever-growing Netflix queue we picked out Darren Aronofsky's 96 minute love springs eternal metaphor The Fountain, and at the local cineplex (I use the term local loosely--the only theater showing it around here was a half-hour's drive), we took in Danny Boyle's smorgasbord of sci-fi influences, Sunshine.

Let's start with Sunshine, since it's the freshest in my memory, and arguably the most immediately relevant. I love crackpot space movies. You tell me there's a crazy demon ship that can fold space and kills anyone inside its creepy crawly hull in a variety of horrific ways, I'll go see Event Horizon. You show me George Clooney having a 90 minute therapy session with the space manifestation of his dead wife, and I'll rent Solaris. You strap half of Asia's noteworthy actors and a bunch of trendy Hollywood "it" kids to the back of a nuclear bomb "the size of Manhattan Island" and tell me they have to restart the sun after a supersymetric nucleus begins to systematically kill it (I have no idea what any of that means--I'm just regurgitating the IMDB description to sound smart), I will smile, nod, and pay $9.25 to see your movie Mr. Boyle.

I didn't like Sunshine nearly as much as either Solaris or, believe it or not, Event Horizon. I'm not trying to call Event Horizon a good movie. It's not. It's directed in a slapdash manner and pokes more plotholes than a fleet of gothic-looking space ships could ever fly through. But, at the same time, Event Horizon knows it's dumb, and commits entirely to its dumbness. It doesn't care about its science, it just wants to creep you out for an hour and a half. It does that. On the flipside, Solaris is a character study, a tale of the stirring of long-dormant emotions by a fantastic place, a planet that brings "visitors" from your past. It dedicates itself to being exactly this, and succeeds because of that. Sunshine wants to have it both ways, both as a creepy sci-fi thriller, and a character study on the stresses of space travel and the emotional state of people charged with such a monumental task. It is this scattering of concepts that drags it down.

For what it's worth, the character study stuff works. Watching this team of wide-eyed astronauts get into minor scuffles with one another in between gawking sessions at the ever-approaching sun and, in the film's most triumphant moment of sheer beauty, the planet Mercury, is really engaging stuff. Some of these actors aren't exactly fantastic, but the writing is sharp enough to keep their interactions consistently fascinating for two full acts as the mission and their mental states begin to unravel at an alarming speed.

Then, in the third act, the whole thing gets completely bollocksed. After meeting up with the ship Earth had sent seven years prior and subsequently lost all contact with, the film decides that the only way to finish this thing out while simultaneously ramping up the tension is to, quite literally, steal the last half hour of Event Horizon, minus the hell dimension thing. Its thievery is so blatant as to even make the final antagonist look almost identical to Sam Neill's character in Event Horizon's final act. As if the film hadn't spent enough time building up the tension and instability with its existing scenarios and characters, writer Alex Garland takes the piss yet again in the end of one of his stories, yanking some absurd situation out of left field and stirring it into the mix until the film you'd been so enraptured by becomes almost unrecognizable for a time. He did it in The Beach (though, to be fair, that film had several issues prior to the end), and he did it in 28 Days Later. Someone really needs to assign this guy a writing partner specifically to write endings for him, because he just doesn't know how to do it himself.

Still, disastrous climax aside, the film ends on a proper note, and all the stuff leading up to that ridiculous conflict, not to mention the astonishing looking spatial scenery and ship special effects make Sunshine worth seeing. It's a good film that will have you screaming in the end about how it could have been so much better.

Sunshine gets a 7 out of 10.

The Fountain, on the other hand, will just have you screaming, shouting, and possibly smacking yourself in the temple trying to grasp what nonsense you just witnessed. There are only fleeting moments of joy peppered throughout Darren Aronofsky's pseudo-thinkpiece about love, eternal life, and...well, that's pretty much it.

I give the man kudos for an interesting concept, however. Set in three different time periods (1500s Spain, 2000s America, and 2500s outer space), the almost-but-not-quite-a-story follows Thomas/Tommy and Isabella/Izzy, played by Hugh Jackman and Racheal Weisz. In Spain, Jackman is a conquistador on the hunt for the fabled tree of life for his queen (Weisz). Finding the tree which grants eternal life will save the queen from the threat of the Spanish Inquisition, or so we are led to believe. In modern times, Jackman is a medical research scientist trying to cure brain tumors, because his wife (Weisz) happens to be dying of one. Jackman is so consumed by his work that he lets the fleeting time he has left with his wife waste away, just as she does. In the far flung future, Jackman is a tai-chi loving, mediating bald astronaut in a freaky space bubble that's rocketing toward a dying star with a tree (Weisz...I think?) that keeps giving him visions of Izzy. Theoretically, this is all supposed to tie together into one overarching tale of love and eternal life. Theoretically, this is also supposed to keep an audience's attention for 96 minutes. These theories are proven incorrect rather quickly.

For starters, the tie-ins and overlaps between the timelines and stories are tenuous at best. The Spanish story is evidently a work of fiction devised by modern day Izzy in a manuscript she's been writing. The future tale is, for all intents and puroses, Aronofsky's way of masturbating onto film for significant chunks of the movie. There's no point to it except to have Hugh Jackman look crazy, talk to a tree who may or may not be a manifestation of his dead wife, and show a lot of pretty colors. Yes, the colors are gorgeous, but for the love of god, why am I looking at them? Why is he in the future? Why are they rocketing toward a dying star? What the hell is the deal with this space bubble?

Metaphors, man, metaphors! That's all The Fountain is--a long, twisting, irritating metaphor telling you, the viewer, that death brings eternal life. When we die, we live forever. Love transcends death, get it? Do you get it?!? LOVE. DEATH. LIFE. GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEADS. You'd think the ridiculously heavy-handed ending would have been enough to get the point across, but Aronofsky goes a few steps further by loading the film with too many visual ticks for any human being to ignore. He's walking down a darkened hallway, and there's a light at the end of it. Get it? DO YOU GET IT?!?! No? OK, how about we do it about five more times throughout the movie? NOW DO YOU GET IT?!?

One might be willing to put up with all the metaphorical sledgehammering if there were actually a story to care about, but there isn't one. I love artistic film making as much as the next guy, but if there isn't a story to care about and characters to latch onto, it's not a movie. And The Fountain has neither. Weisz sleepwalks her way through this whole movie, and Jackman, while admirable in spots, hams it up pretty rude, especially during the future sequences. It's not entirely the actor's faults. Aronofsky and writing partner Ari Handel leave these characters hollow. They're empty vessels, flung into situations that neither evoke the supposed tragedy of the story, nor provide satisfactory emotional resonance for two people that are supposed to be as in love as the story would like to have them be. Jennifer Connolly's emotionally broken drug addict and Keith David's sleazy drug pusher in Aronofsky's last film, Requiem for a Dream, made for more interesting lovers than these two deflated shells masquarading as characters.

Part of me wants to give Aronofsky credit for at least doing something different. The Fountain is nothing if not ambitious, and the message he wants to get across is a noble one. But for a film that's being considered high art by some, he does it in a pretty artless way, choosing to pummel the audience with non-stop metaphors and beautiful, yet pointless cinematography instead of building his artistry into something actually resembling a film with a plot, characters, and, above all else, coherence. Strictly for the super pretentious and let's-get-high-and-watch-something-trippy crowds.

The Fountain gets a 4 out of 10.

Oh, and on a somewhat related note, I also caught Blade: Trinity on the TV this weekend. This movie isn't beautiful, and it also drove me up the wall. The only reason I stuck it out through the whole thing is because of how increasingly stupid and unintentionally hysterical it got as time went on. I loved the first two Blade films--this one just goes in the worst conceivable direction over and over again until you can't help but laugh at it, specifically for two reasons. One, it has the most amazingly blatant and over-the-top product placement of any film in recent memory with its constant displays of Apple products, going so far as to having the main heroine put together a playlist for her iPod before the gigantic sequence of asskickery at the end (and, I'm sorry, but if you're putting Jurassic 5 on a soundtrack for mass vampire killings, you're doing something very wrong).

Also, the film deserves some kind of award for the most ludicrous casting of a film since Luc Besson made Tiny "Zeus" Lister the President of Earth in the Fifth Element. Jessica Biel and Ryan Reynolds (AKA our generation's Chevy Chase) as ass kicking vampire hunters? Parker Posey as an evil vampiress who growls through every sentence like a horny and sauced up country club cougar after downing five gin and tonics? That guy from Prison Break (no, the OTHER guy) as mother &%$*ing Dracula?!? Natasha Lyonne? James Remar? John Michael Higgins? Eric Bogosian? Patton Oswalt? TRIPLE H?!?!? Ye gods, someone give Ronnie Yeskel (the casting agent) a trophy. Kudos for taking the absurd route. Too bad the movie tries to take things way more seriously than you did.

Blade: Trinity gets a 2 out of 10.

OK, the burgeoning film critic inside me has been satiated for the time being. Back to video games. What's this? Deal or No Deal for DS? Oh for fun!

E3 2007 will go down in history as "that weird year." It doesn't matter if the format goes back to the way it was, stays roughly the same, or the show dies altogether. This year will always be known as some manner of aberration. A minor spike on a seismic chart, just enough to make someone go, "Hmm, that was odd." Whether or not that oddness is horrible, fantastic, or simply a nonissue largely depends on your personal viewpoint, but regardless of said viewpoint, you've gotta admit that this was a goofy event.

We kind of knew it was going to be a wee smidge off kilter going in. All the prep meetings we had prepared us for practically every strange occurance of this new breed of E3. For one thing, here we are on the breezy, beachy Santa Monica pier, instead of the Easy Bake Oven that is the LA Convention Center. For our appointments, we either hop onto a shuttle to go to the teensy box of kiosks that is Barker Hangar, or go to some snazzy hotel to a room that isn't filled to the brim with nerd sweat. Sure, any number of things could have gone wrong. Games that should have been there might not appear. You might be late to your appointment if you don't leave in a timely manner. You might get sunburned. But it ain't like the old E3. You aren't shoving your way past the salty unpleasantness of throngs of EB assistant managers to get the games you're assigned to cover. You aren't rushing with only five minutes in between appointments, showing up looking exasperated to the appointment, and hurriedly telling the PR person in charge that you need to see their biggest stuff as quickly as possible. Your feet don't require tough actin' Tinactin by the end of day one. In short, this show actually kind of worked.

Of course, if you're not a journalist from a major outlet, you probably disagree. I know I read my share of forum postings that lamented the lack of excitement coming from this show, going so far as to treat the old E3 with martyr-like status. I even heard my share of complaints from folks working the show. Be it journalists from smaller sites who were having trouble getting to appointments on time (I assume due to having a smaller staff on site compared with a site like, say, ours), and even the occasional PR person who missed the pageantry of the whole shebang. And we all know what Kojima thought of it. Clearly, the show had its detractors. I'm just not one of them.

My reasons for liking this E3 are as selfish as selfish gets. It is purely because my job went so much more smoothly than it had in any year I can recall. During my youth, back when I was going to E3 and had exactly zero right to be, I used to totally dig all the pageantry, the minor celebrity autographs, thumping techno music, ridiculous schwag, and all other forms of glitz and glamoury associated with the show. But it's an entirely different show when you're on the clock and tasked with playing a couple of dozen games in a three day span and writing them all up, conducting interviews about them, and the like. In recent years, it had become unbearable from a professional standpoint. All I need is some chick in a baby-doll T-shirt assulting me with fliers about some game she can't even pronounce, and NCSoft's gothic-industrial-celtic musical acrobatics show pinning my ears up against a wall and violating them over and over again with a violin bow and a smoke machine while I'm just trying to write up a frigging Sudoku game.

But, of course, to the audience, they don't see that. They see a ridiculous video game party that all the cool kids get to go to in order to play all the hottest upcoming games and have themselves a grand old time in the process. I'd like to think that our live coverage still brought a lot of that feeling home, but given some of the reactions to the event that I've seen, I get the feeling some people were just predisposed to hate it. Understand that I empathize with what you feel you've lost, but I also think that a lot of the issues this year's E3 had didn't have much to do with the new format itself, as much as just the shock of there being something different. I'll explain as I break down my opinions of all the aspects of the show.

The Layout

Having a smaller show is not an inherently bad idea. Not hardly. E3 had gotten too big for its britches. But in the panic to try and toss together a show in the wake of the publisher mass exodus, they scaled it back too much. 3,000 people is not enough people to invite to cover the entire breadth of the relevant industry, and an airplane hangar and some hotel suites isn't quite enough to house all the relevant material, especially if the whole goal of this was to keep the show cost effective. Those hotel suites are expensive. I can't imagine some of the smaller publishers were really saving that much cash. It was just the Sonys and Nintendos and MS's that got the benefit of the smaller venue.

Also, Barker was just a bit sad. I liked that it wasn't soul-crushingly full, but it still felt a little cramped. It was also kind of strange that there was basically one kiosk for every game. Granted, I rarely had to wait in line, but that just felt weird to me. Probably just a phantom feeling leftover from the old show.

If they're going to do this format next year, they need to do away with the airplane hangar. Either do everything in hotel suites and make it a three day gamer's day for everybody, or pick a larger, more centralized location for everyone to rally around. Shuttling to Barker when all the hotels were so close to one another felt silly and unnecessary.

The "Lack of Excitement"

The low-key feel of E3 had little to do with the format. It had everything to do with the timing. I don't like a July E3. Yeah, maybe the game demos are a little more finished, but considering how many of the demos that were playable at the show were just demos we saw at publisher events a month or two ago, I don't think that explanation really holds water. The reason so many of the press conferences felt underwhelming and so little at the show really surprised is because so much of what was there had already been announced. Everything was a known quantity. These are the projects developers have to show. There's little new to announce at this time of the year. Go back to May, and I think a little bit more of that old thrilling feeling will come back.

The "Lack of Games"

I think this is the one sentiment I completely disagree with. I've seen a lot of whining and moaning about E3 2007 didn't have any big, marquee games. Those people are insane. This was perhaps the most impressive of any E3 I've worked in terms of playable content that impressed me. LittleBigPlanet, Rock Band, Heavenly Sword, Uncharted, Crysis, BioShock, Assasin's Creed, Guitar Hero III, Devil May Cry 4, Super Mario Galaxy, God of War: Chains of Olympus, Call of Duty 4, Mass Effect, Phantom Hourglass, Halo 3, etc., etc., etc. Maybe it was just because I actually got to see a lot of these titles up close and personal, but E3 2007 had me extremely excited about this holiday season.

And on that note, let's talk a little about the various companies' showings and some of my favorite games from the show.

Microsoft

It started silly, announced little, and introduced us to perhaps the creepiest new marketing executive of all time. Microsoft's point seemed to be that they have a lot of third party support, and yes, it shows. A good number of new trailers for games we already knew were coming, a quick and dirty mention of Banjo Kazooie, the most predictable sequel announcement of all time in Viva Pinata 2, and reiteration of the fact that, yes, Alan Wake still exists. Apart from the mild amusement that could be derived from Peter Moore struggling to play "Main Offender" on bass on easy, this was a very by the numbers conference that seemed to impress few. The Halo 3 footage at the end struck a few notes with me, but it didn't exactly knock me out of my seat either.

On the "floor," the same point was pretty much made. Lots of third party games on the 360, and a bit of the first party stuff behind closed doors. Halo 3, specifically. I guess Fable 2 was being demoed as well. Interesting that it made no real appearance at the conference. Neither did Halo Wars, which was also being shown during hotel meetings. All in all, it looks like MS has plenty of good games coming, but there wasn't much surprise or pizazz to MS's showing overall.

Nintendo

Nintendo's conference seems to have created the most definitively negative reaction of all. I honestly wasn't all that shocked by the company's showing, but I guess I've just kind of come to expect this sort of thing from Nintendo, especially with the message of "GAMING FOR EVERYONE" being smacked into my skull over and over again. Mario Kart was a nice, but entirely predictable new game announcement. Wii Fit should have been entirely predictable to anyone who has been paying attention to what Nintendo's been doing over the last year, but I guess it caught some people off guard. Newsflash: Miyamoto doesn't have to make games anymore, unless he really wants to. Given his brain training obsession, Wii Fit should have been completely unsurprising. I actually think the game looks OK, but I don't think it was quite the showstopper it needed to be in order to satisfy as the big, marquee demo of the conference. Smash Bros. gets a bit of new footage, and so does Mario Galaxy, but no extended demos of either? Plus, where's all the other games? Reggie says there's like 100 new Wii games in development. Can we see some of them? Please?

Oh, but there's the Wii Zapper. Which, by the way, isn't as awful as I initially thought it was. At the conference, it just looked like a $20 piece of plastic that no one needed. After getting my hands-on it, it's a $20 piece of plastic that's kinda cool. It almost made me enjoy playing Ghost Squad. I hear it was more fun with Umbrella Chronicles.

On the floor, you could play Mario Galaxy and Wii Fit. Smash Bros. was nowhere to be found at the show, same for Mario Kart. You'd think that with the both of them coming in December and early next year respectively, they might at least be showing them in meeting rooms. Guess not.

All told, I'm liking a good chunk of the big stuff Nintendo has in the pipes. I just wish they hadn't been so deathly concerned with "staying on message" and had jazzed things up a bit more footage during the conference and more playable stuff at the show.

Sony

Sony's showing is precisely why I waited until AFTER the show to address this stuff. You couldn't have asked for much stronger an initial impression than what Sony gave off. Killzone 2 actually managed to impress people, they showed a lineup of first-party games that are legitimately impressive, they mentioned a couple of "console exclusives" from third parties, introduced Echochrome (which looks totally awesome), and dropped the price on the 60 gig model of the PS3. The PSP lite I could have given or taken, but everything else was on and popping. Then comes day three, and Sony Europe's chief telling everyone that Europe isn't getting the price drop because it isn't really a price drop. Then there's Kaz Hirai telling some Norweigan press the same thing. Talk about pissing on good will. I don't even care, really, that they're killing the 60 gig model. I care that it wasn't made abundantly clear at the press conference that this would be the case. Don't call it a price drop. Call it a fire sale. Or even dress it up a bit to make it sound less harsh, but don't call it a price drop.

Still, that one bit of ridiculousness aside, I loved the lineup of games they showed, and had playable. No echochrome, and Killzone 2 was only demoed, not playable, but right there on the Barker show floor were Uncharted, Heavenly Sword, and God of War: Chains of Olympus. I played the latter two, and dug what I played. Then I saw LittleBigPlanet on our stage show, and I kind of had a giggle fit. I don't even know what the heck I'd do with that game, but I want it. As I was telling some other editors, that thing is like a toy. It's something you just play with. I don't care if there's a point to any of it. That's something that's purely for the sake of stretching the limits of your imagination, and it looks bloody amazing.

I'm almost there with the desire to buy a PS3. I may just buy a 60 gig one while I still can. First I need to sell some stuff on eBay. Like a kidney or two. But once that's done, I'm on board.

Favorite Games

Obviously LittleBigPlanet was a favorite. Rock Band is probably tied with that in terms of games I'm most anticipating right now. That game is just mind-boggling. Playing the drum pad was a lot of fun. I think the prototype set they have is just about there. The pads could stand to have a bit more bounce to them so the stick gets a bit more action, and the bass pedal requires a little too much distance to press down, but otherwise, very cool. BioShock was another one that kind of caught me. I'd never actually sat down and watched that game being played for any length of time, but watching it on the stage demo, it had me excited. I couldn't even tell what was going on half the time, but I kind of didn't care, because it looked so cool. Mario Galaxy still looks rad, though I said that last year too. I just want it to come out already. And, of course, Guitar Hero III...eff yeah Knights of Cydonia!

This is officially too long now, so I'm going to sign off by simply saying that it's too early to dismiss this new brand of E3. Kinks need to get worked out, but there is plenty of potential for this new show to work. The gawdy monstrosity (thank YOU Elliott Gould) the show had become didn't mean that the game industry was somehow growing up--it meant the opposite. This new E3 can potentially deliver the same level of excitement while still keeping the show manageable. Give it a chance, and let it improve and grow...just not too big.

Oh, and as a P.S., because this is the week immediately following E3, a few reviews may be a little late this week. Specifically, stuff like NCAA and All Pro 2K8 won't be up by the time they're released, because there wasn't exactly time to review games while out at the show. We'll bring you those reviews as quick as we can, but a bit of patience would be appreciated as we get back into the groove of things.

I like Penny Arcade. I truly do. I find that their comic strips have a tendency to delve a little too deeply into random-for-the-sake-of-random territory, but more often than not they're on point, and the site has earned bi-daily rotation on my list of sites I view regularly. I'm also rather fond of Tycho's personal rantings about games, the industry, and the like. I even enjoy it when he's skewering something that I'm involved with personally. Take, for example, his latest diatribe (LANGUAGE OH GOD THE SWEARING) about the act of reviewing classic games, why it is inarguably idiotic, and why those who do it are out of their cotton pickin' minds. He gives some interesting reasoning, and honestly, I totally get where he's coming from as an older gamer who knows his ****. I also think it's a seriously short-sighted viewpoint.

This isn't the first time I've heard someone take up this stance, the stance that old games are old games, and writing a review of them is as useless as a seventh finger. After all, these are classics. Pac-Man is Pac-Man. Zelda is Zelda. Xevious is ****ing Xevious. Clearly any card-carrying gamer already knows what's in store for them with something as renowned as Xevious. Right?

Right, except for me.

I guess I missed the day of gamer training where they showed us the VHS video about Xevious. It probably doesn't help that I was a year old when the game was released to arcades. I would also imagine that there are millions upon millions of folk (we'll call them the bulk of the game buying public) who were of a similar age, if even born yet, when Xevious first hit. While some of them may have sought it out over the years, I'd hazard to guess that most didn't. I know I didn't. Up until recently, I knew little beyond the notion that it was a shooter, and it was old. Not exactly an informed opinion. If I'd been left to troll forums for good, solid intel, I'd be left with gems like "Xevious is the greatest shooter ever made. Don't you know anything noob? LOL" or perhaps something like "DIS GAM3 SUCX TEH GRAFICX ARE DUM I LIKE HALO LOL!" Where oh where could I turn?!?

Ah, but then I read Jeff's XBLA review of Xevious, and knowledge flowed like rainwater through a gutter. Now I know of the wonder that is Xevious. Huzzah!

It goes far deeper than Xevious, mind you. How many Zelda fans do you think are out there whose introduction to the series was A Link to the Past? Or Ocarina of Time? Or, dare I say it, Wind Waker? While I'd find it difficult to believe that anyone who loved any of those games wouldn't have actively sought out the NES original sometime between now and their figurative Zelda cherry being popped, what about Zelda II? Hell, I've met people who didn't even know there was a Zelda II. Those people are idiots, but they're idiots who own several game consoles, including a Wii. They don't know because they weren't around to be in the know at the time. And I'd imagine that plenty of people who do know what Zelda II is never played it. What if one of these modern Zelda fans were denied access to an informed opinion about what Zelda II is and how it holds up, and decided to impulse buy it without knowing precisely what kind of maddening journey they were about to embark upon? I like Zelda II, and I wouldn't wish that kind of rude awakening on zombie Hitler.

Let's go even deeper. What about the myriad of obscure old crap that makes up 85% of the Virtual Console library? Dead Moon? Dungeon Explorer? Ordyne? What in the holy hell? I'd like to believe I played me a lot of video games as a kid, but I don't know what to make of the vast majority of these titles until I read about them. And if I don't know, you can bet your sweet bippy there are tons of even more ill-informed folk out there wondering how to spend their fake money points. Go ahead and ask the first random kid you see in an EB games buying Surf's Up for the Wii what the differences between the two available Toe Jam & Earl games is, or which is better, JJ and Jeff, or Kid Chameleon. Dollars to donuts he stares at you blankly for a moment, then begins sobbing uncontrollably because he thinks you're mocking him. If there aren't reviews out there for this stuff, how is an uninformed Zelda fan supposed to know that Beyond Oasis is a game they should totally check out? And what if some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles nerd sees TMNT for the NES available for five bucks, and, lacking proper information, decides to grab it on a lark? That person is going to be pissed, that's what. Because that game sucks. Severely. Angrily. It hates you. With a vengeance. The kind that can only be satisfied with blood. Your blood. All over the place. Except inside you.

This does lead to an opposing point, and one that's at least semi-valid. This being the point that the whole purpose of these old game downloads is nostalgia, and that if you don't already know what these games are and have fond memories of them, you've no business downloading them in the first place. Again, not an awful point. I'd certainly buy the notion that there isn't as much impulse buying on XBLA with Xevious or Centipede/Millipede as there is something like Mad Tracks or Alien Hominid. I believe there are those people, but not as many as there are people who played these games back in the day, loved them dearly, and want to love them dearly all over again. But this begs a question as well: Does nostalgia for something always make it worth buying? After having reviewed Mario Kart 64 for the Wii VC, I can give a big honking no to that one.

Let's face it, not all games age well. Super Mario Bros is a classic, and even it seems a bit crusty in 2007. But it's also one of those games that's so transcendently fun that its age fails to negate what makes the game awesome. Not all games are so lucky. I can list off dozens of games from my old collection that I've dusted off in recent years, only to realize five minutes in that I had no desire to play that game any longer, or ever again. This is another area of our reviews that I'd like to think helps on some level--whether these games hold up after all these years. Ninja Gaiden is still kinda fun. Elevator Action kinda isn't. They're both $5. Wanna pick blindly? Or have us tell you what we think before dropping Abe on either one?

Plus, a great number of these games aren't just the same old same old that you remember. This is less a factor with Wii VC titles, but on the PSN and XBLA, many of these games are seeing updates, some good and some awful. There's the obvious stuff, like online play, achievements, leaderboards, and updated graphics, but then there's also stuff to consider like control differences and emulation issues. Take Championship Sprint. As an arcade game, that game was a phenomenally good time. I loved it, and have great memories of playing it. As a PSN release, I gave it a 2.5. Why? Because the controls were broken, the online play was laggy, and the game is just too painfully archaic to recommend to anyone playing games in 2007. Even if you unbroke the controls and online, it'd still be a mediocre offering. Same goes for stuff like Rampart, Centipede/Milipede, and (gasp!) Pac-Man. Yeah, maybe everyone knows what Pac-Man is, but wouldn't it help to know that the XBLA version of it doesn't control all that swell? Context for a game changes radically over time, especially with these futzed-with versions.

And this, I think, is the biggest misconception about our old game reviews, the concept that we're reviewing these as we would have had we been reviewing them during their heyday. Quite the opposite. We're not time traveling here, people. We're not saying that Super Mario Bros. was and always has been an eight point something. We're saying that this is still a great game, age be damned. We're saying that even in this new-fangled generation of consoles, this is still totally a game well worth playing. Conversely, something like a Rush-'n-Attack, or Elevator Action, or Excitebike--not so much. That doesn't mean the games weren't a blast back in the day. It just means the context for these games as products to be paid for now is totally different than it was in the old days. I loved me some Excitebike, believe you me. I will not pay $5 for it now.

There is one last viewpoint on this subject, namely the one that asks why we need full reviews for these games, as opposed to just snippets of info and perhaps some manner of appendage thrust upward to indicate success, or downward for shame and disappointment, in lieu of a number followed by a decimal point and another number. I get this one, I really do. I'll be the first one to admit that I felt a little silly plugging Ninja Gaiden into the standard scoring system and writing as much as I did about it. But after giving it some careful thought, I basically came to the conclusion that there's nothing really wrong with taking the time to give people a few hundred words on an old ass game. If I don't know my ActRaiser from my Xevious, and I'm presented with a few hundred words on each, or a few sentences about each, I'm going with the few hundred words. Why? Because I just spent two grand on my car insurance premium, and I don't feel like wasting my cash. I like to read as much as I can about something before I buy it. I don't care if it is "only $5." That's several tacos I'm not eating if I spend that poorly. Not every player is alike, and even if one of these games doesn't score too hot, reading enough about it might make me decide that I'm interested anyway. Or vice versa. I hear Ristar is awesome, but based on the details in the review I've no interest in playing it. Money saved!

As for the scoring, yes, our standard number system isn't nearly as straight or to the point as the whole thumbs-up/thumbs-down thing, and that's fine. There's absolutely nothing wrong with either system. It just so happens that this is how our review system currently is, and we're working within the confines of it. I think it does its required job--that being to tell someone whether a game is still great, or not so much.

So, what it ultimately boils down to is that we're treating these new-old game releases as we would any game release, period. And like any game release, I say the following: If you've already made up your mind about something, be it a classic like Xevious or any of the new, modern game releases out there, no amount of us telling you anything to the contrary of your decision is really going to change your mind. In truth, our reviews aren't designed for you. They're designed for folks on the fence, those in need of help making an informed decision of what to do with their money. It's understandable that the info isn't useful to everyone, but it's far from a fool's errand to give people a little insight into classic games and whether they're still worth it all these years later, especially for those of you who might not know any better. And based on what I've seen, there's a lot of you out there.

But hey, the comic was still pretty funny.

Before you even ask, yes, all my blog entries are going to be about Guitar Hero from here on out. Maybe someday I'll break the streak, but right now I've got a good thing going. No sense in mucking it up, I guess.

Guitar Hero '80s Edition has been announced. I think most people saw this coming, but it's cool nonetheless. In the story, the first seven songs from the 30-track game have been announced, including a few inspired choices such as Ratt's "Round and Round," Flock of Seagulls' "I Ran," and Dio's "Holy Diver." The Bow Wow Wow song is questionable, but it is irrefutably a hit, so I get why they went that route. Plus the girl from that band was like 14 when they recorded that song, which I find mildly hilarious.

Now, here's my list of songs from the 80s that should hit Guitar Hero at some point or another, whether it be in this one, another full-fledged game, or another 80s pack. The most agonizing thing about making this list? Trying to figure out if a song has a guitar solo, a saxophone solo, or a keyboard solo, or all three. Gotta love the 80s!

38 Special - "Caught Up In You"
AC/DC - "Hell's Bells"
Aerosmith - "Love in an Elevator"
Autograph - "Turn Up The Radio"
The Bangles - "Hazy Shade of Winter"
Beastie Boys - "No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn"
Billy Idol - "Rebel Yell"
Billy Squier - "Stroke"
Black Flag - "My War"
Bon Jovi - "Wanted Dead or Alive"
Bruce Springsteen - "Cover Me"
Bryan Adams - "Summer of '69"
Buckner & Garcia - "Pac-Man Fever" - Come on, how hilarious would this be?
The Cars - "Just What I Needed"
The Clash - "Should I Stay Or Should I Go"
The Cure - "Boys Don't Cry"
Cutting Crew - "I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight"
The Dead Milkmen - "Punk Rock Girl"
Def Leppard - "Pour Some Sugar On Me"
Dire Straits - "Money For Nothing"
Don Henley - "Dirty Laundry"
Dramarama - "Anything, Anything"
Duran Duran - "Hungry Like the Wolf"
Eddie Money - "Shakin'"
Electric Light Orchestra - "Four Little Diamonds"
Europe - "The Final Countdown"
The Eurythmics - "Would I Lie To You?"
Faith No More - "Epic"
Foreigner - "Jukebox Hero"
Guns 'N Roses - "Paradise City"
Harold Faltermeyer - "Axel F" - If they can put a guitarless Freezepop song in GH II, they can pull this off.
Huey Lewis and The News - "The Power of Love"
INXS - "Devil Inside"
Iron Maiden - "2 Minutes to Midnight"
John Cougar Mellencamp - "R O C K In The USA"
Journey - "Separate Ways"
Judas Priest - "Breakin' the Law"
Lion - "Transformers (Theme)" - It'll be just in time for the movie! Activision is even the publisher making the Transformers game! Marketing synergies!
Lita Ford - "Kiss Me Deadly"
Loverboy - "Everybody's Workin' For the Weekend"
Megadeth - "Peace Sells"
Metallica - "One"
Michael Jackson - "Beat It" - Dude, Eddie Van Halen did the guitar solo!
Midnight Oil - "Blue Sky Mine"
Motley Crue - "Dr. Feelgood"
Nena - "99 Luft Balloons"
Night Ranger - "Sister Christian"
Oingo Boingo - "Weird Science," or "Dead Man's Party," or "Only A Lad" -- I'll take any of the above.
Ozzy Osbourne - "Crazy Train"
The Outfield - "Your Love"
Pat Benatar - "Heartbreaker"
The Pixies - "Debaser"
Queen - "Crazy Little Thing Called Love"
R.E.M. - "It's the End of the World As We Know It"
The Ramones - "Rock and Roll High School"
Red Hot Chili Peppers - "Good Time Boys"
Red Rider - "Lunatic Fringe"
Rick Springfield - "Jesse's Girl"
Robert Palmer - "Simply Irresistable"
The Romantics - "What I Like About You"
Run DMC - "Walk This Way"
Sammy Haggar - "I Can't Drive 55"
Scorpions - "Rock You Like a Hurricane"
Skid Row - "Youth Gone Wild"
Slayer - "Raining Blood"
Starship - "We Built This City"
Tom Petty - "Runnin' Down a Dream"
U2 - "New Year's Day"
Van Halen - "Hot for Teacher"
Whitesnake - "Here I Go Again"
Winger - "Seventeen"
Yes - "Owner of a Lonely Heart"
ZZ Top - "Legs"

EDIT: Forgot "Ain't Talkin 'Bout Love" was a late 70s Van Halen song, so replaced it with Hot For Teacher. Also added a few more I thought of on the way home. Night Ranger FTW!

EDIT 2: How in the holy blue blazes did I forget U2? I suck.

-- My Chemical Romance is exactly as terrible a band as I remember them being. Like, to the nearest tenth of a percent I can possibly estimate. That accurately awful to what I had in my brain. Cheeeeerist that band sucks.

-- Conversely, Rick Derringer's "Rock and Roll Hoochie Coo" is EXACTLY as much fun as I had envisioned it would be. Seriously, that's probably the best song in the whole game.

-- Having played Iron Maiden's "The Trooper" a few times now, I can say that one thing painfully missing from the Guitar Hero series up to this point was galloping metal riffs. Leave it to Maiden to cure what ails ya.

-- Leaderboards were the other thing painfully missing. Again, rectified.

-- I am never playing Guitar Hero on our office HD set-up again unless I absolutely, positively have to. Calibrating for HD lag sucks on an epic scale, especially when you're running the system through HD decks, system switchers, and an HD monitor.

-- The new 360 guitar controller is a lot more solid than the PS2 SG model. However, the strap design is also not nearly as comfy (though not as patently awful as those Ant Commandos knockoff guitars), and there's something about the length of the neck that is causing my wrist to ache something awful--just like it did when I first started getting accustomed to the PS2 game. I have a feeling it's just an adjustment thing, as I'm clearly holding the neck at a slightly different angle than before. But holy Jesus Tapdancing Christ does my wrist hurt a lot right now.

-- Someone tell the guys at RedOctane that Deep Purple only has one song, and it's called "Smoke On the Water." To suggest otherwise by putting in some boring ass song and slapping Deep Purple's name on it is blasphemous. "Hush" sucks.

-- Leaderboards! I'm actually excited about leaderboards!

-- "Possum Kingdom" is a better co-op song than it is a single-player song, because the bass line is ill as hell.

-- I don't know how much they're going to charge for downloadable song packs, but I think $1 a song is about fair, personally. Of course, I fully expect far more price gouging than that. Though, to their credit, I have a good feeling we'll be seeing co-op functionality in the old Guitar Hero tracks.

-- This game should have online multiplayer. Lag be damned. Someone make it happen.

-- Can a brother get a downloadable "Even Rats?" Please? I don't really care about any of the other original GH bonus songs. I just want that one.

-- This game still needs a better Van Halen song.

-- This game still needs ANY AC/DC song.

-- And Journey. This game totally needs Journey. "Separate Ways" specifically. Or "Don't Stop Believin'" at least.

-- I am still OK with the total lack of Nickelback songs thus far. Let's keep it this way, shall we?

-- LEADERBOARDS.

That is all.

And all it took was this.

For about a 20 minute or so window, every major gaming site on the web was either sluggish or down altogether. Even we were slow as hell for a little bit there while everyone flocked to the GTA IV gamespace and began gobbling up this 60 second teaser. From the second the countdown ended on Rockstar's site, that thing was down and out.

It's incredible to me that something so small could feasibly break the internet. That one franchise can basically bring the web to its knees whenever it pleases. Really says something about how big GTA actually is, doesn't it?

So, what're your thoughts? Having watched it myself, I'm fairly impressed. It actually showed more than I expected (though I'm a pessimist by nature, so I expected it to just be a dude with a gun shooting at something off screen and then a logo). I like the whole Eastern Block immigrant angle with the main character, and the city does look awfully attractive. No gameplay, but I think that was to be expected.

Maybe this question is trivial to anyone else, but it's the first one I had when I realized it was Liberty City they were going with again. What's the soundtrack going to be like? Obviously GTA III didn't really have much of one--neither did Liberty City Stories, for that matter. It seems like the game is going for a modern vibe, so I'll be curious to see how they deal with it. As much fun as it was listening to them lampoon 80s radio, modern radio seems even more ripe for the picking.

One of the questions I've gotten a few times over the last week or so since I reviewed Sony's ultra bananas offroad racer Motorstorm is why I didn't take the supposed upcoming downloadable content for the game into consideration when scoring the game. There's a pretty simple answer to that, which is that I had no idea what that content might be, nor whether it would be free or charged for. When I'm reviewing a game, I don't take into account a bunch of maybes. If I have a good sense of what downloadable content for a game will definitively be, then I'll probably make some mention of it in text, but when I'm scoring a game, I'm scoring what you're buying out of the box, period.

This past week, GS UK editor Guy Cocker got to take a trip over to the offices of Evolution Studios and take a look at the upcoming downloadable content for Motorstorm. What he learned was the following:

1. The first batch of added content will be an elimination race mode, a time trial mode, and a new track that's actually a backwards version of one of the existing tracks (with a few new tweaks and additions added as well).

2. They're going to charge for this stuff.

Ow. Ow. Ow. My brain. Ow.

Here's where I come off on this. Racing games offer more than just standard races. They offer more than one way to play offline. That's just what is done. This is what we in the business like to call "a standard." Standards are what keep us from giving high value scores to games that try to short change you on the content. In this case, you're not just getting short changed from the get-go, but now someone is showing up on your doorstep with the change you weren't given, and you're being told to pay a delivery fee for it. This is someone selling you an expensive, full-priced car and then delivering it to you sans wheels and a gas tank, and then selling you those items back at an after-market rate. This is painful on a number of levels. I don't know what the price for this content will be, and I don't care. Any amount of money is too much to be paying for modes that should have been included in a $60 game to begin with.

A lot of people chalk Motorstorm's shallowness up to Sony pushing the game out before it was ready so they could have a new, exclusive game on store shelves. I don't doubt that's how it started, but somewhere along the way, I can't help but envision some exec somewhere having a neon dollar sign pop up above his or her head, while coming to the realization that this rush will ultimately result in a new way to put a knife into people's wallets. I then envision a lot of cackling and hand-wringing and babies being eaten, though that might just be a product of my own warped mindset.

I'll say it again: I don't inherently have a problem with downloadable content for games. I think some stuff is worth paying for after a game comes out, and when it's free, all the better. Hell, Gears of War is releasing new stuff for free. Why can't Motorstorm? ESPECIALLY when it's stuff that ought to just be included standard from the get-go.

It's not too late, Sony. Do the right thing, and give us what should have been in the game to begin with, and don't charge us extra for it. It's not only a good PR move, but it's the right bloody thing to do.