And now for Part 2!
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Bart: Well, can I go see the movie?

Homer: I know my punishment's harsh, but I can't back down on it. You're welcome to watch whatever you want on TV.

Bart: TV sucks.

Homer: I know you're upset right now, so I'll pretend you didn't say that.

-The Simpsons

I'm going to do something I haven't done yet: a 2-part diaologue. Frankly, I find both parts of the conversation funny. Enjoy!
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Homer Simpson: Someday, you'll thank for this, son.

Bart Simpson: Not bloody likely.

Homer: No, it's true! You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. Doctors say I might have brain damage!

Bart: Dad? What's the point of this story?

Homer: I like stories.

"You know, I thought I've heard everything. But I've never heard of a relationship being affected by puntuation.

-Jerry Signfeld, Signfeld

"It's a big commitment, waiting all this time for the show. How do you explain this to your imaginary girlfriend?"

-Triumph, Late Night with Conan O'Brien

Telephone Voice: "For automated stock prices, please state the company name."

Homer Simpson: "Animotion."

Voice: "Animotion, up 1 1/2.

Homer: "Yahoo!"

Voice: "Yahoo, up 6 1/4."

Homer: "Huh? What is this crap?"

Voice: "Fox Broadcasting, down 8."

-The Simpsons