I haven't posted here in forever (as evidenced by the fact that my last entry lampoons J. Allard for excessive pre-launch hype), but I felt compelled to after having completed the glorious Gears of War on Hardcore. If I didn't have to head to classes in a few hours, I'd probably make a stab at the Insane difficulty right now. Having not yet even scratched the surface of Gears' multiplayer experience, I am already prepared to say that I have not so greatly enjoyed a game since perhaps Resident Evil 4, which Gears has supplanted as my action game high water mark.

At present, the Xbox 360 is my only next-gen (or "new-gen") console, but I shan't be bidding on any eBay auctions in the near future. Twilight Princess is the only game calling to me on the Wii, and the highly Zelda-esque Okami has largely sated my appetite for that sort of action, anyway. The PS3 doesn't currently boast any games I couldn't do without. Resistance: Fall of Man looks mildly appealing, as I like the idea of an alien invasion's averting WWII, and sparing Jews the camps. Ani ohev otcha, Mr. Alien!

On a more personal note, in case any of you has been wondering what I'm up to, I am getting my learn on at Columbia University, where I study French, English and Hebrew. I have simultaneously been learning Gemora (commentary on the Mishnayot, or Talmudic lessons) at Aish HaTorah, with the goal of one day receiving smicha (orthodox rabbinical ordination). Being intensely studious and intensely Jewish really cuts into my gaming time, but it's kind of worth it.

I keep pretty busy, but occasionally have enough time to myself to start missing the GameSpot crew, with whom I spent 1.5 very formative years. I also still find San Francisco preferable to New York, but maybe that's just because it's 31 degrees right now.

For good measure, here are a couple of choice photos from my Central European sojourn:

Allard! We thought you might not live to see
The zero hour you'd toiled to bring to hand.
Your rear tyre slipped; your tired arms lost command
Of tin and of steel--now costly debris.

What pain! What distress! What ignominy!
Your cries were shrill—but you were not unmanned.
You prayed and you grasped your gold LiveStrong band.
"Find help, my friends!" was your only decree.

A WinCE mobile dialed 911.
You focused your thoughts on Perfect Dark Zero.
Your neck was injected with a tranq gun;
You drew in your breath, thought of De Niro.
Your clothing suffered most, when all was done,
But that torn "Allard" coat spelled "Hero."

Yet, I before I conclude, I must remark
That you've much changed in the past sev'ral years.
Your hair is gone, as is your gut of beer.
You're looking sleeker than a mako shark.

A bald, fat nerd, few socialites would hark.
Now, Paris Hilton is tonguing your ears!
A stud has emerged; the dork disappeared.
But with other geeks have you missed the mark?

XO5 show gave us greater insight;
Perfect Dark was finally on display.
Since TGS, we'd just yearned to alight,
But were wary of donning more cosplay.
Now it's clear the 360's hella tight,
But the launch lineup's hardly a bouquet.

You may remember Topher Grace as the geeky protagonist of Fox's That '70s Show. Or perhaps, like me, you were too busy staring at the incomparable Mila Kunis (then underaged). In any event, the picture comparison below should jar your memory.

Eddie Brock/Venom, like the Sandman and the rest of the early Spider-Man villains, is friggin' enormous. His neck is the size of Topher Grace's quadriceps. The message is that Spider-Man's toned, agile swimmer's build triumphs over the steriod-fueled meatheads he fights. Of course, it's going to be tough to see Eddie Brock as a teutonic titan when he's being played by a guy who looks like a computer science student from middle America.

Sam Raimi is probably going to argue that it was Eddie Brock's alien suit that turned him into a monster. While it's true that it made him helluva tough and angry, it didn't turn a geek into a giant. Neither can months of gym time, supposing they even instruct Topher to bulk up.

If the little guy is fighting other little guys, it's no longer inspiring; it's just midget wrestling all over again, and that's not even legal in some states, such as the state of sobriety.

If only the iPod had been around during the Intellivision's development...

This is great!