I know I havent been here in quite some time, & I rarely will be. But right now Im just here checking things out, I was bored, u know how it is. lol

Anways, I've been on chatango.com most the time if anyone is looking for me, or if anyone wants to talk. -- Azerith89 is my username there. Feel free to msg me there, even if Im offline at the moment. & aside from that I've been on Myspace, Gamespot, & a few other places hre & there. Just messing around online randomly.

Nothing much has been going on, just sleeping late & being bored. Playing games some days, watching tv & movies, etc. I have been hooked on these 2 sites lately, trying to earn some points for some cool free stuff. Be sure to check them out, but remember they both kind of take patience & effort, depending on what ur trying to get or what ur doing (As always--Referrals help lots, & can add up lots of points): The 1st is Points2shop, & u get points for completing offers & doing surveys, etc. & u can use the points for items on Amazon.com.

& then we have Swagbucks, where u randomly get rewarded with some Swagbucks for searching with their search engine, & en buying things from certain sites-- Things u probably do already could earn u more free stuff. (& Swagbucks are basically points for this site, dont let the name fool u. lol)

Plz help me out & sign up using these links, so I can get a few more points. Appreciate it. & if u sign up, but find that its not for u then thats fine. Just try it out a while, give it time. I know Im still earning some myself, but sometimes the earning is very slow.

Be sure to refer all ur friends!!! Helps get u lots of points for each person u refer.

http://www.points2shop.com/index.php?ref=uin1245627612

http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/JustinQ

Thanksfor reading. Im gonna try to be here more when I can, but I really have no idea. Depends. & sorry I cant write more, but if I did it would just be a rant about bein depressed & bored. xD

See ya. & take care friends!

Hmm, ok. *takes deep breath & exhales*
I am writing this for a reason, many...actually. >_>
Plz may I have ur attention, & plz try to understand all I'm about to say. So here goes...

We all know I have been through a lot right, & I have learned a lot of things here lately.
I have good judgment & everything, I'm a good person, & I always give my all. I try my best in everything, & sure I do have my moments where fear gets the best of me, or my social problems really mess me up. Anyways, I need to talk about some things I have come to understand, in my own views of course, but I think I have really good views on things. I know the right & wrong, I see it all & I live my own way, walk my own path...I follow a code if u will, & I do so...as best as I can. So just listen up...& hear me out on this. My views, u can judge as u see fit...its my opinions & what I have learned. ^-^

To begin, lets tackle the common Mistake, & mistakes in general. Lately I see a lot of u making, or about to make mistakes & u don't even seem to care, u don't think about what "might" happen. O.o Which is what u need to start doing, think about it 1st & make sure, some ppl think & still manage to mess up...that's just cuz of poor judgment at that time.
We all know Mistakes happen...Thing is, u all must learn from them as u go, that's all there is to it.
Thomas Edison once said:
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
So don't be discouraged or stressed out by mistakes. Think of mistakes as lessons in what to try differently next time. Learn from them! & If u learn from them, u can set it so u don't make nearly as many. Many mistakes come from judgment, sense, & how u handle certain situations. Those kind can be easily avoided if u only THINK, simple as that, look at things from every angle & do not just jump head first into anything, THINK b4 u leap! Hesitation isn't a bad thing, when u need to, stop & take a breath...think it through clearly. If it don't seem right, don't do it. *Shrugs* Btw, don't confuse mistakes with stupidity, some mistakes come with it, that's for sure...but some that can be easily avoided & those are just pathetic.

Hmmm...& now for an Example of stupidity & something pathetic.

I would call this a mistake, but one that's just...retarded, & easily avoided. Sadly I've seen a lot of this goin on lately. Ok a guy & a girl are dating, & the guy is talkin with some guy friends of his, or even a complete stranger maybe, don't matter. & this guy tells his buddies or w/e he has had sex with this girl, when in reality...he is just a pig, & hasn't even kissed her, let alone has he ever got in her pants. LOL!Now why would he tell his friends, or even some random stranger this? Oh, yea...to show off. & that makes it right? Hell no! >_> Perfect example of stupidity, it's a big Lie, & lies damage trust, which we will get to soon enough. ^-^ Anyways, don't try to cover up by saying u made a mistake...when really u just F'd up & made a stupid choice, & u know it. If it is anything like the example above, don't say "Oh I made a mistake & it won't happen again". That kinda thing...should never happen to begin with, no decent person is gonna lie about that! & It shouldn't be forgiven just like that either, watch out for some of those..."I'm sorry & It wont happen again", especially if it was stupid & shouldn't have happened to begin with. That in itself shows very poor judgment. Bottom line...mistakes happen, learn from them as u make them, & change urself to make better judgment.

Now on to the next topic! Hmmm...lets talk about Lies & Liars! Sounds like a good way to go to me, since I have been dealing with this 1 a lot lately. Ok, so I went over an example of a stupid lie up above, & it was a pathetic 1 with no good reason at all. Now don't get me wrong, a lie is a lie & none of them are good...but some lie for what they think is a good reason, & then there r those like the example up above, that cant possibly have a good reason behind them. U follow? So...if someone lies to protect u or someone else, anything like that, it may be bad...but the reason behind the lie isn't. Lies...have the power to shift everything, even those with good intentions. I have felt the hell that comes from lies, even those with good intentions can pack a deadly sting. Lies have really gotten to me lately...I have been through a lot of different ones too. & some not even my problem, but when someone is lying to someone u know & care about, it sometimes becomes ur problem, especially if it may lead them to a bad situation, or being hurt in some way. U all know sometimes u get that gut feeling about certain things, I got that a lot lately., & some ppl need ot trust that feeling more. Some lies, like I said, can shift things. For example, u think u know someone & u really care about them, but they hide things from u & yea...then ur relationship is built on lies, & it's a fake in other words. I have had things shifted by lies, its no fun...but hopefully u can still learn from ur experiences, & if this happens, sometimes u can try to move past it...other times its very hard to, depends on what the lies that hurt ur friendship were. If someone close to u lies about something really stupid, like if ur in a situation like the example I made earlier I mean do u forgive them & forget (try to forget) about it? It damages trust in that person each time they lie & make up stories, after a few times...u usually find u cant trust that person as easily, & u often wonder what else they r hiding. It can really mess things up a lot, relationships often die this way & yea, I'd say its usually for the best. & this next thing is partially a rant for me, I'm kinda sick of seeing this certain thing. Guys, I got a word of advice for u...don't lie to ur gf! >_>& don't go behind their backs & tell ur friends & everyone u had sex with her when u didn't, & don't even mention it when u did! That makes u a pig either way, I mean...seriously WTF is wrong with u guys?! O.o Trying to make ur gf look like a whore?! Come on guys, Get some damn Sense! & this goes to girls as well, those who actually have done this, or will, tho its rare among girls I'm sure, I mean, compared to guys, how often do u see a girl lying about that sorta thing? I mean, I'm sure there are some that do, but not near as many. I have seen guys bragging & having a good time about it, all at their gf's expense, its despicable! >_> & its one thing u cant just forget about, & shouldn't be easily forgiven, like I have said b4. I would so just dump someone right then for that, if u find that out, then yea...I wouldn't think they r worth it, & apparently they don't respect u enough. Makes u see what's on their minds. Its pitiful really, what's the point of lying to show off? Its stupid! I mean...lies just get under ur skin after a while, especially those kind, anything that causes hurt, its just...not right. Bottom line here, don't Lie! I mean...its one thing if u ate the last bag of cheetos, & ur friend is like "hey where is the last bag of cheetos?", Then u say: "Idk, I didn't get it, I think I saw Marc get the last bag earlier." LOL! (Silly example...buy hey it works!) I mean...yea it's a stupid lie, but its not hurting anyone! O.o Still...it's a lie & I'm not saying its right at all, but its like...who cares?! Its not gonna hurt anyone, & its not that bad of a lie...just really stupid. In my opinion, if u can avoid it...just don't Lie! I'd say if it was gonna save someone's Life...then yea, LIE! LOL!Anything else that is pointless & stupid to lie about is just that, pointless & stupid! So yea...think about it, all it takes is using something called Sense. Good judgment ppl! Then ur good to go! ^-^

Now we move on to Respect, u gotta have it to give it, & u gotta give it to have it right? Ok well, not in all situations, but it helps, I will explain soon. If u want respect from others, basically u must 1st gain respect for urself. Even if ppl respect or befriend u anyway, eventually u will need respect for urself, or else u may drive your friends away or prevent urself from forming new friendships, & also...ppl can take advantage of u much easier in some situations, u may just end up forming friendships with the wrong ppl which can lead to all sorts of issues. This will also be covered more in the "Trust" section, which will be coming up next. Anyways, if u cant have respect for those who r close to u even, then u should learn how to get some, & fast! Cuz if u don't have respect for ur own friends & family, then u surely don't deserve any respect from them. So if u want respect, give it to others, simple as that. The whole "treat others how u want to be treated" thing comes into play here. Those who don't have respect for themselves, for w/e reasons, they will find that they often take things a lil too lightly, or they seem to forgive a lot more than they should, when things shouldn't be forgiven. Respect for urself is needed to move through life without getting into some very unnecessary situations, & it helps to have it. Don't call urself worthless, don't think u have no meaning in life, don't look down on urself at all. It doesn't matter, either way, Love urself to get Love in return. However u still need to have respect for others, don't go around talking behind ppl's backs, don't lie to them, & do ur best never to hurt them. If it's a true friend, why would u want to hurt them? U wouldn't right? So then don't...easy as that, now mistakes happen & yea...like I said, think b4 u move forward, don't jump into anything. Same situation here, u have respect for someone...u don't want to do anything to mess up, don't make snappy comments that may end up hurting someone's feelings. Think! Think! Think! Don't just make a smartass comment & think ur friends feelings r invincible to it, u may end up messing up, so watch it. Try ur best to respect those u care for, & at times...even those u don't get along with so well need respect. & who knows, maybe if u show them some they may surprise u. They may not, but at least u tried to be nice to them right? & its not ur fault they feel like being an ass. So...show some respect, & at times, even to those who don't show it back...makes them look bad in the end, & that's their problem. Respect is something that gains u a higher status in the end, not to mention friends who truly care for u & respect u back, honestly if u want to weed out the bad from the good, pay attention to those around u & how they act...see them making a lot of mistakes & disrespecting u or others, then...they need to work on that, & at that time I would say they aren't very deserving of ur respect, & maybe u need to rethink ur choices of friends. *Shrugs* Respect urself & others as best as u can, that's all I can say...makes u a far better person the harder u try. ^-^

Next topic, Trust! Muhahahahaha! I'm having fun writing this, maybe even...too much. LOL! Trust is something that can get u into lots of trouble if u don't watch it, but also, u need trust in others as much as they need to trust u, its something u need to build up in order to have good friendships. Its not hard to build. Some things u do may take ur trust level down with some, or even make it so they r impossible to trust. I have dealt with this myself, if they make a mistake, or really just turn around & stab u in the back, then ur trust level for that person may deplete some & u find it harder to trust in them, or...u find u can't ever trust them again, depending on the situation. Trust in ppl is hard at times, I will agree on that. If u trust someone a lot & then they completely change & turn on u, there isn't much u can do about it...just learn to see the signs if there ever r any at all. Do ur best to learn who to trust & who not to, trust some more than others if u don't feel completely comfortable with them. If u lower ur shield too much, u make take a few hits but...all in all, at times its worth it so u can learn, & sometimes u may miss out on good things if u don't lower ur guard at times. Sure u may get hurt, but in the end its worth it to weed out some untrustworthy ppl. Some can even slip under ur radar completely...& u may trust in them a lot, u may never see the signs, & then they may completely blow u away. They may make mistakes at times, but u really need to remember what the difference is between common mistakes & really stupid ones that should never happen to begin with, or hurtful things that cannot possibly be a mistake at all. U follow me? I hope so...cuz idk what I'm saying really, or where any of this stuff is coming from. LOL! Anyways, trust ppl...but watch out if u see any signs, & also sometimes if u don't, for w/e reasons. Careful who u lower ur shield for, like me...I know those who I can trust in & to what extent (&Yes...sometimes they do surprise u, Its not a guarantee >_>), & I'm sure ppl will tell u that I myself am a trustworthy person. I try my best, all it takes! & its easy to gain trust of others, just like respect...& that's all it takes really. Trust & get trust in return, show some respect & be a good friend & u should find urself gaining trust. Mainly I think lying damages trust a lot, u lie to someone & that will lower ur trust level, & if someone lies to u, the same goes for that as well. & depending on the lie...the level may lower a lot or not much at all. U cant have a good friendship without trust, if u trust someone with ur life...then yea, that could hurt u very bad if anything was to happen (surprises do happen), but on the other hand...its great to trust & be trusted in return. Trust is needed, u just have to expect that sometimes...ppl are up to no good, & sometimes u miss all the signs, or maybe there aren't any, & when that happens...u have to learn from that & move on through it as best as u can.

So yea...take what u will from all this, Hopefully u learn something...or u see my points, who knows...I'm just hoping I help somehow. I think I have good views & opinions so...I am sharing with all of u. I'm Sick of today's generation...no one seems to care anymore & too many stupid mistakes r being made. So...lessons to be learned here.

This is the end of part 1. O.o Part 2 may take time, Idk if I should even bother writing it. Hmmm...let me know what u guys think plz. I want to know...so I can maybe do a Part 2. If so I will include some random things, not sure yet...

I was thinking Love & Relationships, Friendships, & things such as that? Any Suggestions? o.O

Thanx for reading, plz feel free to share any opinions of ur own on these topics & or comment on anything I have said, etc.

So yes I will be looking forward to any comments.

^-^ Take care & Cya all later.

JOIN!! JOIN!! JOIN!!

www.Chatango.com

I say again!

www.Chatango.com

Its Awesome!!!

Find ppl who Love ANIME!!!

& CHAT!

Plus me! Im on there! ALL DAY EVERY DAY! XD

My username is Azerith89

So...

get an account! (its free!)

& Look me up!

& CHAT! XD

Its now a religion...lol

Chatangoism XDDDDDDDDDD

JOIN US! XD

Ok...I sound crazy now. lol

But really...its an awesome chat site, especially if u like or..love anime, like I do

^-^ Thanx for listening...hope to chat with u soon!

Btw here is a sample group chat I made.

http://az89chat.chatango.com

ok 1st off...

Wtf did I do to deserve such a Sh*tty life?!

GAH! DAMNIT!

yes Im back, I know I dont come here much anymore...mostly to rant now. >_>

ok...so now I got more problems, u all know Im stuck at home, no friends here, only online. (Tv.com & Chatango) & u all know life hates me pretty much. So...now yea, its getting worse again, like b4 I even came here...It was terrible b4 I made online friends & all that. & Well, how to start >_> hmmm....

ok, along with my family issues, what with having little money & everything else, now my dad has screwed himself up at work. He paints houses...& he was on a ladder when it kicked out from under him & down he fell about 12 ft. He has done that b4...& broke his shoulder, causing things to be very suckish for a while, this time...he sprain his wrist & his shoulder, thought he re-broke it...lucky he didnt! Anyway....the worst of it was that he totally broke his ankle also. & thats like 4 weeks of no work, + cuz he was doing a side job...there is no workers comp. or w/e, so yea...very tight around here & bills just keep coming in like usual..so its hard to manage. My dad had to borrow money from his brother to take care of w/e bills & all that other stuff. & yea, this is only week 1. So...this otta be fun huh? >_>

& on top of everything else, the worst thing to happen to me...in idk how long, well, someone very close to me thought Lying to me was a better choice than tellin me the truth about something...& as if my feelings for this person werent enough trouble b4...she does this & Gah! Everything is F'd up now! *sighs* She thought she had good intentions, thought i would be mad at the truth...& that It would ruin our friendship. >_> But...this was way worse. Not telling me...just made things so...confusing & mixed up. I HATE THIS!!! I cant even begin to explain it on here! >_< I knew about the lies all along...but I ignored it like a dumb@ss cuz I trusted in her with all my heart & soul, & part of me kept sayin she could never Lie to me, while a smaller part...said it was just too weird & it had to be lies. I dont understand why this hurts so friggin much now...I cant stop crying my eyes out. I loved her...I still do...& yea, even after this...that leads to more bs too. >_> I hate my life...so much, most the time. & she was all I had too...as I told her countless times...& she let me believe that I had more than I did...led me on. & I should Hate her...I should be so pissed off...I should not have any feeling for her now...But Its all the opposite! I cant stop...I love her to death & idk why I feel this way all the time...I wish I could do something about all of this...keep talkin it out with her, its ok for a while...then something comes up & I am reminded of it. & then it leads to my feelings for her & all that....& its a circle of never ending pain, confusion, & sadness...when b4 it was me...actually having something good. I was...happy for once. Now i feel like...as low as I can be. I should have never brought it up...I'd rather live with Lies...& yea, stupid to say...I regret it. I love that girl way too much...have never felt like this *sighs* she gave me hope...& now I feel like im nothing again. I have no good feelings...all sadness, confusion, & pain...w/e else. No good feelings...no happiness >_> Im not meant to be happy ever...or I have to wait 4ever for it & deal with sooo much pain 1st, idk...

she dont realize how much I would give to her...& how much I really love her...& idk what to do with all of this. -_- I wish she could just switch places with me, or see things & feel things how I feel...just for a day. *sighs* Never felt this way...but it looks like my heart just ends up getting me in trouble. Love...pshh...I understand it way more than most. Anyway...

All of it is partially my fault, whether she says or not...I loved her, I thought it was more than what it was...& I set myself up for the biggest heartbreak ever. Love always burns me...& this could have ended...much better, it did in my head...always does tho. My escape is to make up bs...fantasy worlds where i can get away.

& YEA! I KNOW! IM NOT MAKIN ANY SENSE! >__>

Bottom line...

Turns out I am really just a loser in the game of Love. & yea...it wasnt what I thought, or hoped it was...& my only happiness is gone. & I know im stupid for thinkin it was...more, but...I wanted it so badly...it hurts too much now. Idk wtf to do...ppl say get over it...& I tried that a million times already, dont work for this. *sighs* I may as well go Die now...ughhh I hate sayin things like that >_> Im srry, im in an emo mood...a big one!

I cant even stop crying...hurts soo much. Wtf did I do?! Why do I always get hurt...why do I want this so much, just...this one. I dont get my own feelings...or anything >_> My heart needs to stfu...stop tellin me what to do, Im sick of following my heart...its led me to ruin. I hate LOVE! >_< I hate LIFE! I Hate ME! Im soooo emo right now. This just shows how its shocked me...I thought i had a special bond that...I didnt have, it was a good feeling, the one good thing i had...& its faded, cuz of lies...& other things. Idk how to even keep her as a friend now >_> I hate this so much...& i know she does too...why did she do this to me? I trusted her...I Love her with al my heart but...yea, not enough, its all just screwed up now. *sighs* But for her...I must try to fix it...& save w/e I can of this. I dont want to lose her but I feel her slipping away...& it hurts. I try to keep it going ok...then a thought comes up, & bam! We r back to crying & talkin it out again...So idk...Im done talkin about this. I have never blogged this much O.o shows...how much this one burns me...& how screwed up it is...udk wtf im talkin about...just a rant of confusion. >_> Im so done...gonna go cry myself to sleep...again. 4 days in a row now.

Take care friends...srry for the rant.

2 times I tried my hardest in an online relationship, & 2 times...I gave all I had for no reason, cuz im not that one who gave up. So I think maybe...if I can find someone like me, that will not give up...it can work somehow. I've learned a lot about Love...just observing, & from my own experiences. Any relationship can grow & flourish when enough effort is put into it, everything depends on the actions we all take & in every word we speak, there is so much more than just Fate. I dont know if I believe in Fate & Destiny, I think what we do changes our path, its not a path thats chosen for us, we create the path ourselves in every action & every choice. Any Relationship is worth the effort, just dont give in, & keep taking care of it, its like a plant...& the more you tend to it, the more it grows. Love is just like that. & my love is eternal...it will go on forever, just dont let it completely wither away & anything is possible. I think we all should walk our own paths & cut the strings of the puppet master. We choose our fate in the end. Just remember, everything depends on the actions we take & the effort we all put into our relationships. U say u Love someone...u better back it up with effort, dont F*ck it all up. Quit trying & it falls apart, I only say I love someone If I mean it. Im not playing around with Love...thats like playing with fire, someone always gets burned. I've been burned alot, & its not my fault...someone flinched & I took the burn for it. Anyone worthy of holding my heart wont crush it. I have enough scars...need someone to heal those wounds. Love is just another way to say u care alot for someone, so if u care for someone with enough feeling, u Love them. If not then...dont bother with trying. Im sick of seeing some b*tch & whine about having someone to hold, then they get a great girl/guy, & what do they do? Thats right...they quit, they ignore, they F*ck it up, they spit in that persons face, & then the good person gets hurt...but they move on. & eventually they find themselves with someone that would never hurt them...would never quit trying, would never give in. Me im one never to let u down, & IF I do anything...I have the guts to TRY my hardest to fix it. Might say im a rare case now a days, where most dont care, I am fighting to prove how different I am from most, need a good chance tho, thats all...one good chance to prove myself. I been lied to, hurt, & yea...someone has basically spit in my face b4. If I have ever said...that I Love u. I meant it. If ever trying things with me, know that...I'll do just about anything to make it work. Just keep me informed & tell me if something is wrong, & dont give up cuz of one small problem, or u never Loved at all in the magnitude u should have. Now...My Heart's on an auction, it goes out to the Highest Bid, but I aint talkin money, my Heart's special, needs something...different. All it ever asked for was just a lil Love...but no one seems to have the Love it needs, its mostly Poisoned Love I get, or false Love. Im a negative lookin for a positive, a spark to light my fire u might say. If u hold my Heart, I'll hold urs...& believe me, I take care of what I hold close. I never set out to hurt, when I take a Heart, I want to hold it with Love & Caring. & Im always tryin my best to make right choices & not let ppl down. I always give everything I have to give. & Soon...very soon, I hope to prove what I can do. I just need a decent chance, with someone who can help me heal these damned wounds I have, & make me happy. I say once again, remember...my friends, all of u in ur relationships, just try ur best, put the effort into it & dont give up on each other. Ur lucky u all have someone to say they Love u each day. Thats all I ever wanted, & what Im ever searching for. Someone to care for me, & Love me...for just who I am. & Know that I will Love her with all my heart. & u can ask anyone, just how trustworthy I really am, Im worth more than ppl think...its time for me to prove im not a worthless piece of sh*t just need one good chance & a willing Heart. Good Luck to u all in ur Relationships, Online or Not. I wish u all well, if ever u need any advice or just to talk about anything, let me know. Im here...always, ur all important to me.

Take Care! See ya all later, thanx for reading ^_^