I don't know what to do about it anymore. I still have a crush on my RA but there is a rule that it's not permitted for RA's to date anybody in their dorm. It really sucks. I really like her but I don't think she's going to compromise for that rule. Why? Honestly, I look at all the bad things that have happened to me and they're piling up.

College sucks. I really don't want to be here anymore. My roommates always leave on the weekend and I'm all alone. A lot of people leave for the weekends. My parents have 3 other kids to take care of. I can't just go home whenever I want. I just want to go home. I wasn't ready to be around stuff like this. I knew it right when I graduated high school. That will go down as the second worst day of my life (first was when I found out my Nan-Nan died). I knew it was going to make a big change in my life and I wasn't going to like it. Turns out I was right.

Anastasia's just the best thing that's happened to me since I've arrived here at Penn State: Altoona. She really does care about her students that's for sure. I've talked to her a little bit and she really is a good person. I wish I could get to know her a little bit better. If I ever do start a relationship, it's going to be based on love. I'm not in it for pleasure. I need that person there that's going to love me and my parents aren't here so I need to rely on that girlfriend that I want so bad. Does everyone understand what I'm talking about?

I can only hope for the best. Maybe things will change and we can start something near the end of the year and keep it over the summer. She may go to main campus next year but I can wait for her. I know I can. If that's what it takes, then I will wait for her. I just wish that things were different. I'd do anything for this girl (that's legal). I really do care about her and I think that this caring will grow each day as I'm here with her at Penn State: Altoona. I really hope that she will one day feel the same way about me.