Ok, so I have been gone an awfully long time.  I will be the first to admit that.  And while I have tried to get my but back here to the forums, I have to admit that it was not very hard.  Mostly it was a case of "I will think about thinking about going back"

Yes, I am a procrastinator.

But then something happens that shakes your view of the order of the universe.  You realize there is important, and then there is Important.  Family and friends fall into that second category.

I am a man of many words.  It is not so much that I enjoy hearing myself speak (I know written word and all) it is just that I enjoy the power that these words give.  They have the ability to express our innermost thoughts and convey new ideas.  They have a marked inability to accurately convey emotion.

A poet attempts to wrestle words into emotive phrases.  He takes our collective understanding of the feel of a word, and uses that word to make us feel something.

Take for example the words Bright and Garish.  Both have similar meanings, but completely different feels.

But I digress.  I digress because I am faced with a situation that I am truly incapable of dealing with.

It is not the possiblility of death that I can not handle.  Death has been a constant companion, shall we say.  As someone who has been cursed, at times like these, with a too perfect memory, I remember the loss of many relatives.  That is something I can handle.  Possibly due to my belief that this world is not the end, possibly due to something else.  I don't really know myself.  It is just that death, even sudden death, has never bothered me.

What bothers me is the inbetween.  That state that exists that is not living, except in the clinical sense, and is not death either.  Life exists to be taken advantage of.  We go out and, to greater or lesser degree, experience what life has to throw at us.

But there are things that laught in the face of life.  Disease, severe injury.  These things I hate.

I guess it is that simple.  I hate the things that cause pain.  I hate pain.

I don't know that I have a point.

I have rambled enough.

Don't know what else to say.

I just hope that sometime soon, BB can yell at me for my stupidity.

Get well,  BB.

You are missed.