Ok my life officially sucks more than normal. I have this secret i've told no one before except my mom now and my grandparents, and a (fake ex-) bestfriend, that when i was younger i had this bestfriend who lived next door to me (i still live in the same house btw, he moved out when i was seven he was eight) but when i was four my father passed away and my mom tried to push me to gain new friends so i wouldn't think about it as much because everything in my life was falling apart. So i started hanging out twith this 5 year old when i was four and we used to do everything together and get into major trouble, but then one day i let him come over for breakfast and we decided to make a club-house with sheets and chairs lol. when we were done and went inside he un-zipped my zipper and did things to me that i didn't like, these things kept happening until i was seven. he told me crazy things like i was his "b!tch" and i was his "girlfriend" (but im a boy!) people told me back then i acted feminine like a girl but i felt weird because people called me gay and i like girls! after he did those things people then made fun of me and hurt my feelings for a long time (i grew out of the fem. act when i was 12) . but during one of his visits with his father we had another encounter when i was 12 (he was 13 exactly one year older than me) and once again i didn't refuse because i was afraid to (i was a frail little guy, he was BIG) he always used to hurt me growing up and i was affraid of him. so i finally told my mom about what happened this year and how i hated what he did to me, i had nightmares, i was extremely suicidal for my age even when i was seven, and was always depressed. my mom said she noticed a HUGE CHANGE in me when i was 12 (i wasn't fem anymore i acted like a tough little boy) but i always got into physical fights with boys and girls, and i always tried to get even with someone who has done me harm or i don't like) it's gotten worse and worse since my age has progressed (Im now 17 and in high school about to be a senior). My mom took me to see a psychiatrist and she believes that i was sexually abused (child on child sexually abused) and the doctor said that che sees sociopathical signs in me and then the next day my friends told me that i acted like (Katheryn from the movie Cruel Intentions) I began feeling sick and had to throw up because i noticed all the things they were saying were true. i then noticed that I act like Valerie Malone on Beverly Hills 90210 (she too was sexually abused and her symptoms were: Suicidal/Depressive, Sleeping around, Anti-Social/Manipulative/Conniving behavior, substance abuse, she was a really bad person!). I told my mom that i liked Boys and Girls after a while and she believes that it was because of what happened to me when i was younger. My mother then told me why the boy was like that (his father molested him) and thats when all of the puzzle pieces came together and i realized that is why his mom prbably divorced him and his children hate him so much (he was an raging abusive alcoholic). this school year he moved back in with his father next door (idunno why) im guessing because of the freedom his father gives him (they practically run a wh0re house next door!) he is now 18 and i try not to blame him but his father for what happened because like me he too was an innocent victim. but until he soon started having his girlfriend throwing herself at me and they both did drugs (cocaine, marijuana) and his girlfriend (who i've became close with) shared her stash with me one day and one thing led to another and i woke up with the three of us in his bed next door (his father didn't care about the dirty things that he did!) we started seeing more and more of each other and using drugs until i asked how they got the drugs (i then found out that his cousin who comes to the house next door from mine A LOT with a lot of women! and some guys) was a Pimp and the girl that his girlfriend was one of his cousin's wh0res! so i started feeling bad but sooner or later i started doing more drugs and they started wanting me to pay for my stash and what other way to pay than to be one of his cousin's working guys he told me that he has some male and female friends who were interested in some guy action! and at first i said no but then he started showing me that it wasn't as hard as it seemed.

Sooner or later i got out of that mess because the boy (who did the things to me when i was younger) and his girlfriend started getting jealous of all the attention he gave me instead of her and we almost got into this huge fight! then i decided that i can't be around with them anymore. After a while he started watching me outside my window from next door, someone started leaving me more phone calls (some hang ups, some saying gross things to me until i hung up) I told my Grandpa (he lives with me, my mom lives in a renovated home down the street) and he got into an argument with the guy's father about the things going on at the home and he threatined to call the police so his dad kicked him out after a huge fight with him and his girlfriend who he hit in the face btw, and then that was the last time i seen him. My mom put me in a NA program (Narcotics Annonomous) for Cocaine/Alcohol abuse. The guy's father next door is renovating his house and is moving (thank god) and now im doing ok. but im dealing with the fact that i may be a sociopath. and im not proud of it and am kinda scared, all these things happened to me and i need serious help if i am one because i can't live life continuously in a anti-social, depressive, mannipulative/Conniving way.