First, thanks so much for all your advice, and sorry I didn't respond, things were kinda crazy. So big hugs to you all, seriouslyit meant a lot to know you all cared.


So, I took many of my friends advice (including all of you, thanks so much) and I told him how I felt. That I didn't think marriage was for me, but I still loved him and wanted to be with him, and I had no plans of ever leaving him, I just don't think marriage s right for me.

He said he understood and he still loved me and would be with me on whatever terms I wanted, all that mattered is that he was with me. He also told me to keep the ring, (I wear on my right hand) because I am the only one he would ever want to give a ring to. *cue the aww's*

If it were that simple, it wouldn't be real life.

I swear, once we talked it out, things shifted in our relationship, there's a distance now. Maybe he is trying to deal with the change from thinking we would be married to 'not' being married anymore. Maybe it's me, mayne I am pulling away because I think that if he really knew me at all, he wouldn't have proposed in the first place. Or maybe it's just all in my head, and nothing's changed.

Either way, I feel another talk coming on, and I have a feeling it is gonna be harder than the last one.

Sorry to be so d@mn depressing when I come on here, it just helps to get my thoughts down, and he would NEVER come on here, so sorry that you all have to suffer through my drama.

A goody for you if you stuck it out and read all that:

Sorry for my absence people, but apparently you may have to get used to it.
RANT FOLLOWS, so SKIP if you don't care

I tried to spoiler tag, but it wouldn't let me, so here goes...I was completely blindsided on New Year's Eve by a proposal from the BF, and some of you (probably most of you actually) will think I am a totaly b!tch, because well, the title of my blog was the response I gave (minus the WTF?! part). I never thought of the BF as a cheesy guy, but I may have overlooked that because he proposed at the stroke of midnight, saying something along the lines of wanting to spend this year along with all the rest of our years together, but see I can't remember EXACTLY what he said because I had been drinking , as is the tradition on New Years Eve. The very very bad part is that he wasn't joking, and long(er) story short, he had been planning it, and his family knows. So, now I have to muster up an answer, and yes, I have still not answered him, because well I can't make up my mind. I have spent the better part of the year surrounded by his family, and I love them all dearly, but he thinks if we get married that we should live out here near them, and I have severly missed my friends and family since I came out here with him. Part of me also thinks that he only proposed because of his family drama this year (if you don't know what I am talking about, don't worry, but I don't want to bore you more than I already have rehashing the story), and another part of me is touched because, well hello, proposal. BUT the biggest part of me is p!ssed. I mean, I thought he knew me, and if he knew me and respected my feelings he would have NEVER proposed. My parents are the worst example of 'staying together for the family' and I swore that I would never do that, and I don't really believe in the 'sanctity of marriage' hoopla, I just never wanted to get married, so I am p!ssed that he is being so selfish that he wants me to do what he wants to do, no matter what my feelings are on the subject. BUT, then I think that maybe I can compromise. I mean, he's wonderful, he's always there for me, and he always gives me space when I need it, like he hasn't pressured me (too much) for an answer yet, and if I don't believe in marriage, so what? Maybe he will prove me wrong...so yeah, that is the jumble of emotions (seriously edited cause I don't want you all to hate me) I am going through right now, cause I don't wanna say no and lose him, but I don't want to say yes if I think I am gonna resent him in the future. Any suggestions? and you may ask WHY I am posting this here? Well, I have been frantically emailing one particular person here for advice, and I don't want her to start hating opening her already crowded email folder, so I figured I would rant to the masses, and maybe it would ease my nerves a little, so yeah, that's where I am. Hence the NO time for being on here, cause my mind is elsewhere.

Oh, and P.S. I Love You? Sooooooo NOT what I expected, and well, OhB knows how I feel about JDM's character (not the actor people, the character he played) becauseshe feels the same way, what can I say sweetie, great minds...

OH, and if you got through that, and heck even if you just skipped down here, I thought I should leave you with a goody; a pic of the Mayor

***SPOILER***

Stupid spoiler tags don't work, so here is the blog for friday, sorry about the pics taking up space, and I am doing it early because I am going to see that movie tomorrow!

Okay people, I saved the best for last, well, besides the fact that there are four choice hotties in this movie your number 1 reason to go brave the Christmas crowds and see P.S. I Love You is, yes, I mentioned it before!

JDM Nude Butt Scene!!!

Yes girls, roll your tongues back into your mouth, Poppa Winchester is finally gonna show some skin! I mean, his boys have done it, and it is only fitting to folow suit! so here, imagine this without the coverage




See, even Girard wants a piece of JDM's butt!! (looks like Hilary does too )

Oh, who are you kidding, if you were that close to him you would totally be doing that!! And well, I guess Gerard has a nice butt too...


And aww, too cute not to share, JDM's mommy is in the blue! How cute!!
(Looks like Gerard is go-go-gadget handing it, and grabbing all their butts!!)

DO NOT CLICK IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE!!
Dirty Christmas song *SIDENOTE* I was raised well, rather traditionally and didn't know what this was...and I could have gone my whole life without knowing as far as I'm concerned, sounds rather painful...

This fits with the song, but it's way pervy...no, scratch that, it's just wrong:

I mean, seriously, there are just some places you should not look for food, this is taking recycling WAY to far! I saw it a while back (I believe on M8's blog) but I thought it was a manip still kinda hoping it is...

And of course, I had to get "icon" appropriate for the occasion! Yup, that is JDM's crotch, complete with rocker sty|e (the icon's fromP.S. and can I just say Inever understood the chain thing, but it looks HOT on him!!) and coffee in hand, does it get any better?!
>

So, here is what I have to say about the above blog...

Okay, only two people checked the last blog, and I am blaming it on last minute Christmas rush (and TV Hiatus', so I am going to forego the perv (saving it up for a nice pervy Christmas Blog) amd just give you the music:

Santa Baby by PCD & Snoop(Snoop doesn't even really sing, but he is in there)

Rain Down on Me by KANE(yes, that is Christian Kane, aka Lindsay from ANGEL)

Incentive #3 to see JDM in P.S. I Love You on December 21st:
Okay, mentioned he played the guitar, but he sings too!! Double Whammy! And thanks to the lovely OhB for sending me this picture! Oh, and another incentive (in case you count singing and playiung the guitar as one thing) he has AN IRISH ACCENT!! So, I am a sucker for a good accent, and hello, he has the rocker sheik look down too!! So, I guess that is three incentives for today: