MORE Non-serious quotes for your life

People seem to like these quotes (by Jack Handey), so here are some more! 8)

If you're an ant, and you're walking along across the top of a cup of pudding, you probably have no idea that the only thing between you and disaster is the strength of that pudding skin.

Frank knew that no man had ever crossed the desert on foot and lived to tell about it. So, he decided to get back in his car and keep driving.

The big, huge meteor headed toward the Earth. Could nothing stop it? Maybe Bob could. He was suddenly on top of the meteor - through some kind of space warp or something. "Go, Bob, go!" yelled one of the generals.

"Give me that!" said the big guy general as he took the microphone away. "Listen Bob," he said. "You've got to steer the meteor away from Earth."

"Yes, but how?" thought Bob. Then he got an idea. Right next to him there was a steering wheel sticking out of the meteor.

Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window.

When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But the I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.

I remember how my great-uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and whittle all day long. Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a larger toy boat I had. It was almost as good as the first one, except now it had bumpy whittle marks all over it. And no paint, because he had whittled off the paint.

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then, on your way out, slam the door.

That's all for now, I have to dig through my brother's closet to find some more. :P If anyone wants any, just take them, but tell me first please. :D