I am submitting my nominations for 'Phrases that should be forever retired.' You know, things people say in conversation when they thinkthey're being clever, but that are completely overused and need never be uttered by anyone again:

1. 'What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas'

Need I say more? Please, everyone stop saying that. It was humorous when Bugsy Siegel first used it back in 1945. Now it's just asinine. It isn't funny, it isn't original, and even though I personally hit Vegas once a year I never tell anyone when I am going because thie is invariably the first thing out of their mouths when I do. I may run for president and if i am elected, anyone who uses this phrase will be executed - more than once if possible.

2. 'That's how I roll.'

Right, this one is part of that gangsta lexicon that has long since been appropriated by White Suburbia so that it has now lost it's originally threatening connotation entirely. I have a hard time seeing Bob in Accounting 'rolling' up on anyone in his 1996 Camry with the bald tires and leaky head gasket. That'll do everybody. It's time so say farewell to this one. even most rappers have stopped using it because oddly enough, they think it makes them sound white.

3. 'You rock!'

I am not sure where this one came from, but I know that none of the people I have ever heard use this one actually 'rocked', nor did the person(s) they were referring to. If you have to specify that someone 'rocks', they probably don't. Sort of like Fox News. If you have to constantly remind me how 'fair and balanced' you think you are, then you are probably neither. This is why they invented the term 'poser', which by the way everyone can feel free to stop using as well. Unless they're referring to Fred Durst or Vanilla Ice. Then it's ok. Also, the rock and roll 'devil' hand sign that people often use when uttering this one can go too. It hasn't been cool since 1987. Even Ozzy quit doing it.

Honorable Mention:

• 'In this league' - Players and coaches in the NFL have taken in the past few years to referring to the NFL as 'this league', presumably to differentiate it from the other leagues for which they may evidently been playing. An example of this unnecessary phrase: 'In this league you have to be able to run the ball.' Okay, professional sports is already famous for giving us utterly obvious truisms like this but to then add 'in this league' to it goes light years beyond stupid into the realm of the plain demeaning. Oh, you mean THIS league, not THAT league. Thanks, I was confused. I didn't know what league you were referring to for a moment. You know, mister 'I failed sociology', I am fairly certain had you just said 'You have to be able to run the ball' I'd have been able to follow you, and would have correctly surmised you were talking about football, and that you did in fact mean THIS football league, and not some other football league.

• 'Obviously' - Everyone uses the word 'obviously' a lot lately. Please stop. If it's so obvious you don't need to point out that it is. Otherwise you just sound like you're trying a little too hard to be erudite. You know, like when people use the word 'erudite' in casual conversation....ahem...

• 'Tragically' - People don't die any more. They 'tragically' die. Oh...okay. I wasn't aware there was any other way TO die. Really...you don't need to pour on the melodrama. You can just say 'Anna Nicole Smith died.' You don't have to point out that in this case the death was 'tragic'. I saw the pictures, I get it. What's that? A busload of autistic orphans and their adopted pet kittens crashed into a nunnery and they all 'tragically' died? Thanks for the extra adjective; it really added to the story AND helped prevent me from thinking that they all died some other non-tragic variety of sudden death of which I was not aware. Unless you're talking about Hitler or somthing I think it's a given that the person 'tragically' died, rather than 'awesomely' died. Although Hans Gruber's death at the end of Die Hard was pretty awesome.

There are more...many more...I work in a typical corporate office and could regale you with pages of things I am sick of hearing but since most of YOU probably wouldn't get it I won't make you suffer with me. After all, I only wrote this because I needed a break from TPS reports for a few minutes. Oh well...back to the grind.

Wait...why does the printer say paper jam? There is no paper jam...