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How not to write a review

*insert chart band who already have 100 user reviews here* are the best band ever. Their album rawks, they rawk, i want to sleep with all of the band(/him/her) My favorite song is "song X" because it is great

Shame that almost all of the entries here follow this pattern eh'?

Posted by Jebus_01, 10/26/2005 4:51am
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one in three hundred

Does it not wind you up? (my indefinite audience)

Follow these steps before reading my argument, it will help. Check out "Green Day" or "Eminem" and read some of the user reviews

I will use green day as an example- 287 user reviews, and at least 287 of them are poorly structured "Fanboy" rants about how green day are "THE BEST EFING BAND IN THE WORLD EVER", even the pie chart is covered in green, swamped by people who want to take billie joe up the rear.

Then take a look at any of the artists under my favorite artists- they struggle to reach 10 user reviews...Is it because these indie-boys do not want to waste their time devoting their typing skills, and opinions, on a site that is predominantly used by mainstream, chart leaches?! I sure hope so.

The fact that they are all so narrow minded, it is pathetic beyon any measurable remit.

That is why i intend to review all those who deserve having a good word put in (though i have already written an Anti-green day review (god i hate green day) there is little point writing a review against them, as i will be in a 1:300 ratio of people who will write only 50 words praising a completely **** band)

*sigh*
Posted by Jebus_01, 10/26/2005 4:48am
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Look at how loud I can SHOUT

Jesu! First there were Wikinazi's over at Wikipedia...now there are CNETnazis.

Rediculous, I am trying to write a review, a nice, wordy, un-fanboy-esq review...and when i come to click on the "Submit review" button, i am presented with a rather retarded Error message.

"Ooops!
Don't type all in upper case, it looks like you're shouting
(Check Review)"

What was it that the message was referring to? The words UK and EP were being shouted...well looks rather silly if i type Uk or uK, Ep, eP...well i suppose as long as i dont shout...*sigh* Pathetic
What if i wanted to shout, what if i happened to be reviewing the new Kanye West album and wanted to voice how BLIND EVERYONE IS FOR BUYING HIS ALBUM JUST BECAUSE IT IS IN THE GOOD-DAMN CHARTS...that is just one example

I am from the UK!, today i bought an EP!, I really enjoy SHOUTING!!!!
Posted by Jebus_01, 10/26/2005 4:16am
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Muleta

Wahay, another site tries to improve itself by including a *cough* "Blog", weeeeeeeelll. I shall try my best to use it, after-all- this site was great "pre-make-over", i want to make the effort to improve this one

Hopefully now i can LEVEL UP!

Wahay, Dungeons & Dragons-esq Mp3's, a nerdy boy's dream.

But not mine

Blog 1------

I have recently decided to pursue some albums down by calexico..because Sam Beam joined forces with them and impressed me, and some of their stuff is surprisingly good! Thus, i shall follow her offer up of borrowing her albums (argh! Illegal!)

For now that is all, i have too much time on my hands, and "bloggin" is not the best way to spend it. Until next time!

Posted by Jebus_01, 10/22/2005 1:21am
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Recent Reviews

Woman King
5
Perfect

Album Review

Woman King Iron & Wine
""
...in the making.

I like to think of this Mini-album (Ep doesn't quite fill the boots this time) as a hopeful viewing glass into what Sam Beam will come to create in the future.
We have listened to the lo-fi genius of "The Creek Drank the Cradle", and we were contempt (who "We" is exactly, I'm Unsure)
"The Sea and the Rhythm" was a pleasent intermission Ep, further presenting Iron & Wine's capabilities
"Our Endless Numbered Days" way a step forward, away from the Lo-fi-homerecorded masterpeice that prequeled it. This was studio recorded, much crisper, with the same unmatchable songwriting by Sam Beam.

Then in Febuary 2005- this teaser of talent was released. "Woman King"- by far one of the Finest Ep's ever released. It is such a radical change, yet bizzarly enough it is tamed into subtlety...For example- the title track "Woman King" starts and instantly a change is recognisable...heavy purcussion, faster tempo, angry guitar; it's a new Mr.Beam. "Evening on the ground" is the most violent song Mr.Beam has ever written and performed. He even uses the "F" word! Ha, it just sounded odd on an Indie-Folk album.
Alas! It maintains this beauty- "Jezebel" is quite possible the Finest Song ever written, it is a reminder of what Iron & Wine has always been like, and how that will always be an active element in his work

The recent Calexico & Iron&Wine colaberation did not live up to the wonder of the Ep, but that is another story, no?

For fans of the previous installments from Iron & Wine, do not fret! Sam Beam has not changed, he still writes, sings, and plays like ever before, this may just be an experimental "phase". But i hope beyond hope that he realises just how well this experiment worked, and what a brilliant step it would be to use this new found style in a Full Album!

Highly Acclaimed and Recommended!
posted October 27, 2005 at 04:01:14 AM
4.65
Superb

Artist Review

Mogwai Rock/Pop
""
Never thought this would be my thing, really- Never-in-a-million-years did i think that an Indie-Art-rock band from scotland would develop into one of my "All-time-favorite Bands"
Jumping the Gun a bit to the recommending, but i cannot recommend them highly enough. They will send you into a state of psycodelia (there isnt even a real word adequet enough to describe them, I had to make one up!)
They Guitar work is second only to perhaps, Jesus himself. Incredible stuff. Now, i can't play the guitar, but after listening to this it is more than a motive enough to take it up- if one day i could produce "Musical-Bliss" like these Scottish lads are able to conjure.
Perhaps you may feel that the fact i only own two of their albums, renders my review Void- perhaps...but I am definitly going to buy the whole back-catalogue (and the up and coming new album)...Mogwai are influential musicians, and for anyone who loves their guitars, or fancies listening to the kind of music GOD listens to, then "Goverment Commisions" is best place to start, then work your way from there.

Massively Recommended
posted October 27, 2005 at 03:48:05 AM
4.85
Superb

Artist Review

The Go! Team Rock/Pop
""
If i were to take the backing music from every "A-Team" episode, then added some of the RZA (Who most notably worked on the soundtrack music on Kill Bill) and dressed up in a fused 60's wig with 80's rawk shirt. Then i would be suited and booted, ready to form the sounds similar to that which The Go! Team produces.
They are the perfect acompaniment to a deliberatly tacky 80's spahetti western or jap-rom-com-som esq show. Their debut album "Thunder, Lightning, Strike" is the soundtrack to my overimagination. The tracks are beautifully synthetic, yet marvelouslly intsramented- "Get it together" is simply the greatest thing ever performed on the Recorder! "The power is on" is a start reminder of any fight scene remenisent of David Carradines younger days, each song is a masterpeice on its own.
If anything, it is a symbol of youth- it's fusion of 3 decades of music through the use of ironically deliberate sound effects and its great use of electronic and guitar work makes The Go! Team the perfect addition to anyones musical collects, and it will become (like it has for me) an album you'll look forward to remenising about in years to come.

A Must have album!
posted October 26, 2005 at 05:03:50 AM
4.6
Superb

Artist Review

Vitalic Electronic-Dance
""
In the words of Jeff Jaques "it sounds like someone took Daft Punk and threw them down a flight of stairs- scuffed, bruised, and pissed off French house music with throbbing electro sizzle scattered liberally about"
Down to a T. This is amazing French House music (poney pt1&2 are apparently Anthems in the netherlands). Their Debut album "Ok Cowboy" lived up to its apparent hype. Like all things french, there is an abstract and artistic flare to it. This is more than apparent in Vitalic's work. "Repair Machines" for example, is a juttered, electrefied track that sounds as it there was some beatboxing robot, walking down the street and performing angry busks for money. It is violent, addictive- and you still cant help but pull on your leather jacket (real or not) and strutt around in your own bedroom. This is how all clubbing songs should be. Say No! to remixes of "The Darkness" and "Tony Cristie" and replace it with Vitalic- those who swore by the crappy culbbing songs of before will lose all their sense, skin and will; when they submit to the mind-controlling beats of Vitalic.
I'm sure Daft Punk do not mind sharing their title with their european counterparts, afterall, there is plenty enough room for two Vitalics
:-p

Massively Recommended to all Dance Fans and non-Dance Fance alike!
posted October 26, 2005 at 04:39:34 AM
History
4.7
Superb

Album Review

History Controller.Controller
""
Did Karen O spawn a child when the rest of the world was not looking? Nirmala Basnayake sounds so much like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs' front lady it is shocking. But i digress, that may be down to the fact that their music is similar, except controller.controller has more bass guitars and less screeching.
This Ep "History", i feel, is a nearly perfect precursor to their up and coming album X-amounts (11th oct in the Usa, curse living in the Uk!!). History is, alas, not very varied- each song very similar to the one previous...but you simple will not give a rats arse about it. Their formula is ideal, their sound is very much like "Disco Rock", it blends the alternative rock genre with "Must-dance-to" beats and "vibes" (Predominantly down to the BASS GUITAR OVERLOAD the band employs) When i use the term "Disco Rock", i do not mean the tacky style of 80's metal music that is played at school disco's, i mean- Huge Bass, Guitar and Vocals that you cannot help but phuUUNNNK to.
They are quite ideal as an interlude. As much as i would love to see them as frontliners, until X-amounts i will still see them as a supporting act. Their Ep though, is fantastic. It's value is much higher than the albums of many of those who attempt this subtle blend and fail (it even beats most who jump the of "Disco Rock")
Basically, if you are a fan of either the Dance genre, or the Alternative/indie genre, then give this amazing Teronto group a try, they certinatly fill that rather empty crossover between Clubbing anthems and Rock

Must Buy!
posted October 26, 2005 at 04:13:04 AM

Profile

Jebus_01
last online: 2:33pm Nov 27, 2009
member since: Nov 27, 2004
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About Me

Website:
http://spaces.msn.com/members/jebus01/
Mr. Plus des Opinions has joined this rather jolly (yet frivilously empty) network in an attempt to review all the music that doesnt get reviewed on. Eveyone seems to get orgasmic over green day or linkin park and write fan-boy review because they want to take chester bennington/billy-joe up the rear...you don't see any Sufjan stevens fans, of Sam Beam fans doing the same! To take my official title- I am "Mr.Indie-Review-Writing-Boy", and thou shalt feel my wraith

Break it down!

Most Collected Artist: Sufjan Stevens (5 albums)
Favorite Artists: 15 Favorite Songs: 10
Favorite Albums: 129 Total Favorites: 175
break it down! 37.2% Indie Rock (54)
22.8% Alternative/Indie (33)
17.2% Indie Pop (25)
12.4% Singer/Songwriter (18)
10.3% Art-Rock/Experimental (15)
*Based on Jebus_01's Favorite Artists list
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