Michael Jackson had been out of the news for a while. His music sales had been dismal (what do you expect when you haven't released an album in eight years?). Lack of publicity and music sales are about the last thing a pop star needs. Well fret no more, Michael Jackson fans. Since June 25, MJ has been on the rise. Every major news station has transformed into entertainment news and lapped up every last drop of Jackson developments. Even music sales skyrocketed. From June 25 to July 1, Michael Jackson sold 2.3 million songs. Ladies and gentemen, the King of Pop is back!

One of my uncles finally snapped. He gets work only by the occasional good will of others, mostly from a lack of trying. All he has had going in his life for decades is drugs, so it was going to take its toll sooner or later. Admittedly, he probably could've been let down a little more gently, but its been brought on by himself.

My grandparents got word that he wasn't doing well, so they sent his brother in to see what was going on. He walked in to the house (formerly my late great uncles', but lent to my uncle to get him on his feet) and was greeted by the strench of rot. The place was covered in decayed food and who knows what else. My uncle was there waiting.

His brother asked how he was doing. He got a response that went along the lines of "I'm going to kill myself. But first, two people need to die." Shortly after that, he grabbed a butcher's knife and went after his brother. He wasn't too limber at the time (he's usually on painkillers), so he was not able to do any damage. He never named who the two people were, butI suspect one was his brother.

The police finally came and took my uncle away. No charges were pressed. All they could do was institutionalize him. Due to a Florida law, he'll be out in 72 hours.

I was watching a Race to Witch Mountain commercial between small bursts of Thank You for Smoking today, when I think I may have discovered two long lost twins.

The first is Cameron Bright from Thank You for Smoking fame.

The second is AnnaSophia Robb from Race to Witch Mountain.

Don't see the resemblance? How about now...

I thought so. They are either twins separated at birth or perhaps even the same actor? The plot thickens...

I don't have too much more to say on the subject. I just got an email from the church of atheism and I thought it was pretty funny.

"Hello Reverend,

We have updated our site, and as a member you may want to log in and
re-enter some profile information, or just check out the new look.

I hope you enjoy the new interface, let us know by email if you find any
glitches.

http://firstchurchofatheism.com/


Do Not Reply To This Message"

It's ironically a lot like prayer. You can talk, but nobody is listening.

As I'm sure everybody already knows, Obama's inauguration ceremony was Tuesday. Contrary to popular belief, world peace is not yet achieved, world hunger still exists, and I still have to wipe my ass after I ****.

But thats not to say that nothing changed immediately. Obama's inauguration generated the greatest simultaneous viewing of a streamed event in history. CNN reported that 7,700,000 people viewed the ceremony its peak feature: Obama's speach, which lasted about 19 minutes.

Now lets think about this. The ceremony was on a weekday during work hours. Many viewers stopped working to view it. Those are productive hours that Obama is costing us. 7,700,000 people watching for 19 minutes (but you know they watched John Williams conduct Yo Yo Ma and Aretha Franklin mutilate a cherished song of patriotism) comes to 146,300,000 minutes. Thats 2438333.33 hours. The national wage average is $18.83. So overall, that is $45,913,816.67 in productive hours.

So thanks, Obama. You cost the American economy 46 million dollars in productivity during a major depression. I'm glad our nation is back on track.