The little dog slinked up the porcelain toilet bowl, perched himself precariously upon the seat, dunked his head in and lapped at the water. He then leapt from the throne and pranced to the corner for a brief nap. When the little dog awoke, he began to bob his head between his thighs, grooming his nether region with the utmost attention from his tongue. The little dog yawned, stretched and swaggered out the doggie door.

While scavenging through the forest, the little dog came upon the decaying carcass of a fallen blackbird that was infested with parasites. To the little dog, this was the ultimate delicacy, and he feasted upon the rotting flesh. This whet his thirst, so he wandered until he came upon a small puddle that had formed at the base of a tree, nesting in its thick roots as one with the earthen soil. The little dog began to deplete the reserve until his belly was full and his thirst was appeased.

With his acute hearing, the little dog could hear the wheels of the car racing across the gravel as it sped up the drive, so he ran to his home as fast as his short legs could carry him. The doggie door didn't slow him as the little dog raced in and began dancing before his owner. As the man eased back onto the sofa, the little dog pounced onto his lap and began slathering the man's face with sweet, tender kisses.

But everyone knows that a dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's...