._.

I havent posted in almost two months...

I'm alive I guess...

Barely.

I'm sick right now.

Hating school.

Can't wait to get out next year when I graduate.

I hate fakes. Everyone was obsessing about Zetsuei_8823 when half of the pictures of him weren't him. they were people on Vampirefreaks. Or on photobucket. How do I know this? Cause I've seen enough people. You could go through a death log and know he was fake. there are too many fake people in this damn world.

And don't go saying I'm fake. I'm real as they come. I've dealt with enough pain and criticism to know how fake people are.

well, this isn't important. I just got angry with it, cause April Coons died last night from a Heart Attack. School will never be the same.

You can't just walk into a place after someone died and act like nothing happened

-_-

:3 yep. Jere chose it for me in German.

He smells like pure cigareti smoke..x.x.

it's just such a horrible smell.

Neeway. =_= Picnic was awesome. I finally have a band :3 well, we were one just didn't do anything we started our music and are working on our first song ^^

It's really fun cause we're all friends. I want a bass player -coughs- maria -coughs-

I want to put rei on youtube cause she'd make a bunch of subcribers ^^
teh end

=3

Hola...I mean...Bonjour...=_= total fail.
I haven't told you guys anything because you don't care
If you did you'd be bothering me like mad people...
Neeways. I've realized all people like goths and emos, that's why you're even friends with me...but I'm not goth, nor emo...I'm a bit insane.

Schools sucks.
My friends ex keeps staring at me.
My best friend still doesn't think I like girls.
Uh...I...-mummbles stuff-
I got my schedule changed today. I have german now :3

I got my hair cut a while ago, and I recently dyed it...: D
so you get pictures





Shush, I know I'm not pretty. Doesn't bother me any.
Nathan's the guy who I think is cute who keeps staring at me

;~; But it's red nao, this red, pink, orange color; and the other was purple and silver

:3

the end

.___.; I'm sick...so very damn well sick...it hurts...it's painful...and I can't sleep.
I have head pains, shoulder pains, stomach pains to the point where I might throw up, i had a fever for a little while earlier, and chest pains. Right now I'm shivering, I don't know why, but I am. I turned down the ac before I tried sleeping again and it didn't do anything. I can't sleep though...it sucks...my immune system is failing because I haven't been sleeping D: and when I try to sleep, I can't, so I'm up til 6 am then I fall asleep for a few hours.

I'm shivering like...round meh stomach which makes me want to throw up even moar.

D: gah! it sucks...

I get paid today..yes, I said that...a while ago. I never got paid though, and so I'll get my money later today. I'm going to dye my hair purple with the money too

and get this game I've wanted for years :3

I got blood noir, a japanese and french dictionary with my birthday money... and girly stuff ^^

and a sandwhich xD ...that was reallllly good.

i've been up for...16 hours...-__-

>>; So, like, almost twelve hours in, and no one cares. I just got flowers and this ankle bracelet thing from meh mom, she's probably the only one besides Rei and Steph who care about me in the least bit...

12 hours left.

yay v-v;

I have cramps, and side/breastbone pains when I breathe in.

I knew breathing was dangerous :3

yeah, I don't blog anymore. I find it infuriating. I've been addicted to playing Harvest Moon... DS cute. I have to pee...yeah

:3

I'll be 16 tomorrow...yay...really, no enthusiasm...however you spell it.

I'm working on Ben 10 stories...:3 I'm doing Fragile Little Thing right now, which is when Kevin 11k :3 kidnaps Ben from Alien force...

tis quite fun, theres tentacle rape. I might make a blog again on saturday when I get home from being kidnapped by the only two people I can fu*king possibly trust anymore.

Oh, I have a jobish thing now. v-v; and my moms like...bit*chie nao cause I keep sleeping in.
rawr...

I'm tired. -_-; My sister...who I hate, seriously, she's the one person if I could, I'd kill if I didn't get caught. She's having issues and I laugh at her. If she moves back, I'm moving to my aunts. I don't give a hell anymore. I'll get to sleep over my aunts during the school year if I feel like it. yay....not being at my house...I have insomnia...when I sleep at other peoples houses...

I hope I get a guitar ._.; my acoustic one like...broke D:

don't have money to fix it.
poor me v-v;

I decided that it was time to start a little weight loss blog for once. Before I do this, I'm going to tell you things that people...the FDA might try to say, companies. When it says, pam's spray on, no calories, what's it made with? Canola Oil. You know what it has? 120 Calories. Do you know what that means? The 120 calories are all fat. You're pretty much using pure fat on a tray. The serving size is 1/3, and how much do you actually spray on it, nowhere near 1/3. Let's see, 720 servings in a bottle of oil. 720 times...120 gives you 86,400.

[Some of this stuff I actually did read about, so, yes, they are mostly facts, yes, I did get the beginning ideas from a woman named Rachel Rofe, who has been features in Womans world magazine]

Let's get the idea of two specific people in mind, grounds of people. Anorexic and Body Builders.

Starving yourself won't allow you to lose weight. You'll stop gaining weight. Anorexic people don't not eat. It may make sense that they don't eat, but you can't lose weight that way, I don't want to see you try it. Anorexic people don't starve themselve. They tricked their metabolism constantly and continued losing weight.

You don't need to deprive yourself to lose weight. You might become miserable. I'll teach you something to lose weight. It's worked on so many people if you do it right...

It's called Calorie Shifting.

Calorie Shifting [Posted by wisegeek.com] is an idea espoused in several books and diet programs, particularly the Idiot Proof Diet [which you have to buy online, to use]. This diet in particular suggests that people tend to be able to lose weight on other diets, by reducing carbohydrates or calorie intake, but then quickly gain the weight back because the metabolism adjusts to a lower calorie intake, and slows down accordingly. The Idiot Proof Diet, and other diets like the zig-zag diet propose that you have to keep the metabolism "guessing" so it doesn't prevent weight reduction by slowing down to accommodate a reduced calorie eating rate.

In terms it's eating four meals a day, full meals, no snacks or inbetween meals. Since the body doesn't know what to expect, the metabolism can't adjust or slow down because calorie intake on a daily basis will be variable.

It'll involved, eating an omlete or ceral for breakfest, eating a sandwhich for lunch, eating more then you ate for lunch, for dinner, then more calories then you ate for dinner, for supper. You must also eat around 2-4 hours. Also, make sure you eat 3 hours before you go to bed [I don't know why, I just read somewhere you should, I think it makes you less hungry or something] If you do this, you should get results, or even lose ten pounds in a week.

Zig-Zag diets [if you were wondering] are a different approach to losing weight that discourages avoiding many foods that conventional diets claim to be out of bounds. Essentially, the zig-zag diet is all about portion control and alternating consumption of different types of foods. The idea behind this rotation or zig-zag in the task of dieting is understood to trick the metabolism into using stored fat for energy while tending to not convert muscle for the daily needs of the body.

Yet, here's the thing, diets rarely work. Calorie shifting, you can eat what you want to. It's nothing like nutrisystem where it's so strict, and you might be so picky about what you have to eat. You could try excersing, but seriously, we're americans [and some aren't].

Alright, back to calorie shifting. Drink ten glasses of water a day (you can also drink sodas, coffee and juices in addition to this). Drinking lots of water during calorie shifting helps speed up the process and increase the weight loss effect because the water will flush out the food and help keep metabolism high. Now most people make the common mistake of disregarding the calorie shifting diet altogether and just drinking water. This will help you lose weight but not as quickly.

I have three more things to help you lose weight, that Rachel Rofe have also talked about. You can try them if you want, I won't stop you, I won't stop you if you don't want to listen to this either.

1) Eat Coconut Oil
2) Eating just Flaxseeds (grounded)
3) Drinking Apple Sider Vineger (in a cup of water, mix it in and drink it. If it burns your throat, stop)

.-.; tagged.
I don't care.
You're tagged. ;D Cause I got tagged.
ten things bout me...ush

1) .__.; I'm afraid of large bodies of water...
2) I love Ben and Kevin...from Ben 10...
3) I want to be a teacher...I don't know why...
4) .-.; I have an aunt who's a virgin...so she sits around and watches hentai and reads it
5) .-.; I can say I'm not a virgin...and I like girls >_>; Huh...
6) I like pain...Not sure why.
7) I don't like anime as much as I like manga. I don't like sitting and watching them...I get bored with the voices.
I've attempted to write over ten novels...they all sucked.
9) I love rpg games and sims ._.
10) I can speak three languages =D

the end...

.-.;

._.;

yes, why, yes it is a blog...

and yes,

why yes my birthday is next month...

and yes

I want bangs

But I'd like stupid...

=_=

-hums Does anybody hear her-

I downloaded ben 10 stuff yesterday...

...writing fanfics and stuff nao.

bai...

I haven't blogged in two weeks. I wonder if people even care sometimes.

My dad detoured into the graveyard last weekend and showed me my grandparents graves. I wanted to cry...I really wanted to cry. a thunderstorm hit us a few minutes later while we were heading for lunch.

I just got over crying at the ending of Zettai Kareshi....I can't believe it...it was horrible...I loved it...the show was amazing...and he just...

-_-;.

Birthday is next month. 30 days. I'll be 16. My life will take another detour.

3rd grade I was made fun of.
4rd grade, I thought I made friends.
5th grade, my best friend moved.
6th grade, I met Rachel and Tiffany.
7th grade, Tiffany moved, and we met Steph, Erin, Marissa, the twins, courtney, and I met Sarah
8th grade, I met Jen and this Korean girl, Jen became a prep, the other moved to a different school, Sarah stopped being my friend, the twins were at a different school. Nick was a bastard like always.
9th grade, still made fun of, left with rachel, steph and Erin. Meet Becca, mel (and her sister). Began cutting. Fell in what I thought was love...
10th grade, did drugs, met Nikita,Jeremy, another Jeremy, Jasmine, hung out with Tiana more, met Mike who still dislikes me, met Amber who I had a crush on, and met Brianna who became a good friend, still kept cutting....there wasn't an end

now I hit 11th grade. I have Rachel and Steph, I always will. I still have Becca, Brianna probably not but I see her a lot in the morning, Ambers moving, I hate nikita since he's going out with a girl who I hates, friend.

I hate life. That's why I always think when I'm on a rollercoast, I'll fall off and die.

Ben 10's coming on. I'll be on eventually. Let's see who reads this for once.
You care about everyone elses life, but that's because they review your blogs, they act like they care. In truth, you they probably don't, unlike me. I do care, because I can't not care. I'm emotionally unstable...I've always been that way.

I'm distracting you with my asian blog title :3 ★｡.::･v( ｡･ω･｡ )***

***SPOILER***

people love it, it's very yaoiful, and bevinful =D so, read at your own desire for sexy yaoi sex =D

course I did.

I almost got into a fight cause this girl in my math c lass is a bit*h I wanna rip her head off, she's horrible. She kept yelling at me, and I'm just happy school is almost over.

:3

Gabriels birthday is tomorrow. ._.; She's pretty, I wish she didn't live so far away.

Ambers moving -dances- -_-; I gotta get my thing back from her.

And bowling this weekend.

That's it.

Yep

Edit: My friend ran a red light when she was driving me home xD it was hilarious. She was all, talking to me, and saying something about Amber, and her Grandfather was like, theres a red light, like three times. My grandma yelled at me for thinking it was funny V_V well, it was

I just...heard some of the worst news...in the world...ever possibly in any life time, and to this moment I still don't believe it, but I can't help crying about it.

Yeah, this is going to be my last blog, I'm ever, ever going to write, unless I come back with some big news, which won't happen.

I don't know why
A soul deceased
A broken hope
A choking breeze

I realized this is that moment, that makes you break down and cry, and realize everything isn't all right, and no matter all of your convicing and lies, and hopes and dreams will make it better or make it anything.
So We all try to escape it, no matter what reality we live in, it happens.

I'm going to attempt to post a picture of meh self. Since you haven't seen one in a while. I got new clothes today actually. I feel more dollish, then like a girl. the picture makes me feel like a hippy. And I've shared so many

experiences with you. Drugs, cutting, suicide. I feel like I'm leaving you without tell you what's going to happen next. When clearly, I will never know. So, let this be a memory of a time where we all felt better

No, seriously, do it. I want to know how life is there.

-_-; I'm not mad about anything, really, xD I'm in an okay mood. I want cake still.

That's all.

I'm not on as much anymore. So, bleh.

-dies in a hole-

>_> narrowed it down.

1) Novelist

2) Therapist

3) English/History Teacher

>_____________________>;

Yep :3

I bought new books. Kissing the Rain, and Go ask Alice. I swear I started crying half way through Go Ask Alice. ._.; I'm emotionally sensetive >_>;

yeps.

-hums something-

_._; I started a journal thing, cause I have no life. >_>;
DUn dun dun.

I wanna read go ask alice.

schools almost over, I'm almost a junior.

D: Can't waittttttttt....

-watching tv about high school kids who talk about their life from freshmen year to senior-

this girl has a brain tumor. _>->;

Ums. yeah :3 bai

-eating a pixy stix-
Oh, I finished

my drivers >_>; behind the wheel thing, and in september I get another where I get to drive with my health teacher from ninth grade. which is gonan suck . >->;

Errh, I'm not dead. Sadly. I didn't feel like making a blog.

Dunno why.

School is almost over
:3
WIN!
._.; our team won the volleyball championship during gym xD even though we almost lost cause this girl who can't play kept hitting the ball. I stood there the entire two weeks and like, failed xD
if I failed gym, I'm not going to first period anymore =3 :O yeah >_>; this one girl who is amazing at the game wasn't here xD we got so mad

Let's seeeeee
I got our french teacher to let us watch Phantom of the opera, we're seeing it for French Club =3 I guess. _._;

I had simulator(driving ) xD and it's fun as hell. Only cause, the grades, during the video we keep hitting random things like cats and people and cars so it makes the clas seh :3 It's normally my lunch Imma get some more money so I can like, not starve during school tomorrow.
We start Track/Weight training tomorrow for gym. Suckish. Then we have pool(and I'll have my friggin period) -_-; Soccer and Softball :3 then no more school.
46 days left. I can't miss four more, or I'll fail gym. suckish even more.
I made an enemy out of someone I was friends with in the beginning of Math. ._.; wtf, erica(this lame ass girl) took her away from me, and she was like, shut the f up ---; while in the back of the ****and I was like no, and erica whispered, how'd she hear me -_-;
She's a moron, a complete f*cking morong. -_-;

:p

-yawns-

I'm really tired.
So, nothing happened to me, not like you guys car,

seriously :3

Imma go stretch and head off to bed.

>_>

-slowly becoming athletic- wtf?

-_-; I hate me -_-; -cries-

no seriously, I do -_-; I'm not trying to act all emo, but I hate me because I want to be like everyone else and I know I can't do that. -_-;

-hums here I go again- -_-; to tell him that you love him, but here I go again . here i go, here i go,
-_-; imma go put makeup on now.

if people knew how I actually felt, and how screwed over I was. they'd probably either be appreciative or not care like they've always done.
How the hell are goths popular you ask?
The way they dress.
People want to be like goths
They're hot or cute (unlike tyler who is ugly and everyone thinks he's hot) -_-;
they have a depressing life story. ._.;

I'll tell you mine because I'm special -_-;
All my life, I've wanted to be like everyone around me. Why you ask? I don't know. I've hated feeling left out and I've always thought I was some kind of mistake in human life -_-; I still do to this day. I found my escape in writing, and I know writing is the only thing I can do along with playing guitar(which I'm not as good as)
Middle school just screws you up sometimes -_-;
It's when I started cutting, it's when I ended up at some lame hospital cause this girl is an idiot and thought I was going to kill myself which now, I don't mind the thought of .

-__________-;

-cries-

-_-; I'm different, yes, I know. No person is the same unless your a twin(and still with twins there are differences).

Ugh, I Hate explaining things I'm just not good at it. Now I wanna write a story where someone gets screwed over because of something stupid happening. -_-;

I feel like giving up so much right now. -_-: I have nothing to keep me going...seriously.
I have to pull myself together though, so no one ever sees me like this. -_-;

ever.
It's something that just can't happen.

0_o

seriously, I did. And was like, wtf -_-; I also accidently cut my finger >_>;

when I was writing poetry last night for amber. -_-;

i love amber

she's amazing

:3