finally. ive reached level 21. (level up music)

i havent posted a new joke in 21 days or so. so as a treat ive put in two jokes for this blog.

Joke #15

Italian Girl

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drug store and buys a pregnancy kit.

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant! Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning; your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be two factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they each will receive a factory and $2,000,000.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You f*** her again."

Joke #16

Cancel Your Credit Card

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.!!!

Now some people are really stupid!!!!

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange:

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died in January.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

Citibank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?' (I really liked this part!!!!)

Citibank: 'Excuse me?'

Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'

Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.' (Duh!)

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.'

Citibank : 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.' (This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)

Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info given)

Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number is given )

After they get the fax:

Citibank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'

Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care.'

Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.'(What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'

Citibank: 'That might help.'

Family Member: ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'

Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member: 'What do you do with dead people on your planet???

(Priceless!!)

well i sent back burnout paradise. wasnt as fun as i thought it would be.

then as i hoped i got Batman:Arkham Asylum. This game is awesome. remote controlled batarangs. kick-ass martial arts skills. detective mode really helps in finding people and ways to move around the map. like the vents.

i should have another joke tomorrow.

my old phone was pretty freakin gay it went to some pages slow, sent texts slow, MADE texts slow and even mixed some of the letters up. it also felt like everytime i flipped it open it would snap in half. which is what i felt like doing to it almost everyday.

this new phone is still a flip phone but it does every aforementioned things ten times better. if only it had a camera.

and as some of you know my ipod was recently stolen. it feels so weird without. i did alot of things with it. i had a few birthday reminders in there, i used the notes to remember things. and not to mention all the funny videos and music i had on it.

i have to use my old mp3 player. this one was like my very first one.

it looks like this but blue.

http://www.gizmowatch.com/entry/clip-on-dn-clmp128-mp3-player

i wish i at least had an ipod shuffle if i have to have something like that. i cant use all the stuff i got on itunes on the blue thing. but this will be another problem that can be solved with a job.

until the next blog

yes i know devastating isnt it. i let my friend use it and he said he put it in my backpack. he even let me check through his stuff so he cud prove he wasnt lying. and his pockets. im hoping that i can at least get a job to get 2 this time. a 16GB ipod touch and a 120GB Ipod classic. (memory stingy ). all the stuff i had on my ipod is on my computer. Which means i dont have to purchase anything from Itunes twice so i dont have to spend anymore than 600 (wow did i just say that, god thats alot)

Needless to say im mad and sad. its gonna be wierd without it but on the brightside im getting a new phone soon. my current one is dyslexic or something.