I JUST GOT BACK from
Birdland,
my

PIE IN THE SKY
place I head off to when it's
SparkleFarkle sleepytime.

GET A LOAD OF THE DREAM
I had last night:

LET ME START BY saying
any dream that begins with

PAUL WILLIAMS
demanding we
each be equipt with our own

FLAMETHROWER

is indicative of one heading down
the not-so-cheery path.

ON WITH THE SHOW:

WHISPERS
something to me in
what he thinks is my good ear.
(The reality: I can hear perfectly well
out of both ears, unless one of them is an

ELEPHANT EAR.
If so, then I eat it.
Yeah, yeah.
I know.
That only makes sense to me....)

I AM HANDED a program with an
invisible listing of all the day's events,
and fabricate a handheld fan from it,

ACCORDIONING
the piece of paper
and pinching it at one end.

I BREEZE MY FACE with it.
A small boy, looking like

JACK WILD in OLIVER,
who distributed the flyer to me,
expects money in return.
I ignore him and he becomes my
constant companion.

SUDDENLY, THE FIRST OF MANY player pianos falls from the sky. Jack turns his eyes to me. "No wonder the Artful Dodger's here," I think to myself. More uprights fall. They make a dog's yelping sound as they hit the ground. One of them begins manically playing "The Sting." I want "out" of this, and I want it NOW.

TRAYS OF CHOCOLATES
are served to calm

Photo credit: pberry

EYES-TO-THE-HEAVENS
SPECTATORS

ANOTHER PIANO falls.
I want my mommy!

I WANT MY MAYPO!!

PEOPLE LATCH ONTO ribbons as a Maypole appears from out of nowhere. I find even the thought of Maypoles in October absurd, and crawl into a sleeping bag, which becomes a tunnel with a light at the end of it.

THE RATS IN THE TUNNEL
are friendly
and

LITERATE,
some even holding medical degrees.

THE TUNNEL WALLS are soft, plaid flannel. At the end of it [the tunnel], I see a voluptuous female silhouette surrounded by Asian women beckoning me to "Come! COME!" One of them is holding a red and white Hawaiian shirt for me to change into. The lady-figure just happens to be singing

"... And they call the wind

MARIAH..."

DANGER,
WILL ROBINSON!

IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT I get myself out of this dream. My chest feels heavy. OH, NO! Have I become MARIAH CAREY?!?! I awaken. My cat, ZuZu, is asleep on my chest. "Whew!" I think, "That was a close one!"

WHILE MAKING BREAKFAST, a still-spooked me, preparing to make French toast, puts the fire extinguisher directly on the counter-- just in case a rogue flame throwerer decides to make an appearance. Then, I realise I'M NOT AWAKE AT ALL when the

Photo credit: Jack Blanchard and Misty Morgan

EGGS
BEGIN HATCHING!

ONE OF THEM is singing. Although it is muffled, I can make out a Joan Osborne voice crooning ["What If God was] One of Us." I snap to like Dorothy did when her house finally put down its landing gear.

ONE WORD:
interpretation

COULD THIS DREAM
possibly mean I knew

Photo credit: Examinor National

LISA MARIE PRESLEY
was going to deliver twin daughters
by cesarian section this past Friday,
but I failed to tip anyone off ?

Stay close,
SparkleFarkle, Queen of the Run-On Sentence~~~~~*

Baby, you're a WITCH man

Baby, you're a WITCH man, too.

Happy
JACK HANDEY
Friday!

(I'd like to be able to say
"back by popular demand,"
but actually, I'm only posting this out of
(GOOD) habit,
one that just doesn't know when to quit, I guess,
AND BECAUSE
***toots own horn, but not before slipping
into a prized possession (Ethel Merman costume)
and shouting out stage directions:

CURTAIN UP!!
LIGHT THE LIGHTS!
PLAY IT, BOYS!***

"Ya either got it, or ya ain't.
And, boys, I got it!
Ya like it?
Well, I got it!

Some people got it and make it pay.
Some people can't even give it away.
This people's got it
and this people's spreadin' it around!
You either have it
or you've had it!"

"ONE THING KIDS LIKE is to be

TRICKED.
For instance, I was going to
take my little nephew to

DISNEYLAND,

but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late." --Jack Handey

***reaches into Trick-or-Treat bag
and pulls out a joke-wad***

HERE,
THIS IS for you:

QUESTION: Why did the witch keep
turning into Mickey Mouse?

ANSWER: She kept having

DISNEY spells.

Bah-doomp-BOO!mp.

YES.
THAT'S CORRECT.
I DO HAVE THE ANSWERS
to some age-old questions.

THE ANSWERS:

THERE ARE FOUR, count 'em, four, SCARY celebrities (one past, three present-- a.k.a. The BOO!tiful People) who celebrate birthdays today. One way, AND sometimes another, they are:

The many times-dubbed
Worst Filmmaker of ALL Time,

Plan 9 From Outer Space's

ED WOOD, JR.
(1924-1978)

"Movies were his passion.
Women were his inspiration.
Angora sweaters were his weakness."

Johnny-on-the-spot,
eh?

"BOO!" LING,
otherwise known as BAI LING (b. 1970),
"actress" and winner of Fug Madness 2008,
a competition for worst dressed celebrity
brought to us by Go Fug Yourself blog.
("BOO!" received 1.1 million votes in 10 days.)

Van Halen's defunct lead singer

DAVID LEE ROTH
(b. 1955)

WASN'T HE GREAT IN all those

"Lucius Malfoy"
HARRY POTTER MOVIES?!

And

LAST, BUT NOT LEAST:
Country crooner

TANYA TUCKER

OOPS! Make that

TANYA TUCKER ( b. 1958 )

WHILE I'M AT IT, playing his ghoulfriend
during the 80s,
Ms. Tucker's "BOO!" --OOPS, again!--
I mean beau, was the EQUALLY SCARY
(but NOT having a birthday today)

WITCHITA LINEMAN
himself!

HAD ENOUGH? Me, too.

LET'S

Created by Luccino's Delights
CARVE the CAKE!

NINE WORDS:

WITCH you like to ride
in my BOO!tiful BOO!lloon?

SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

RIP, my Mollo and Drea.

Level 39 (46%)

Happy DOG DAY Monday,
my friends!

MY DOG NEVER has to think twice
when we ask her if she wants to

DRESS UP FOR
HALLOWEEN.
(This get-up has me thinking of Chris Farley's
SNL performances as motivational speaker

Matt Foley

grunting and panting out his trademark line
warning his audience that, like him, they
could end up being "...35 years old, thrice
divorced and living in a van down by the river!")

OUR JANE'S A GIRLY-GIRL who loves to wear BIG-bowed ribbons on a daily basis, and proudly displays that one technicolor toenail when Puppet gets out the nail polish. She'll never turn down a hoodie when someone around the house decides to peel off a layer, or wearing the "arms" of a sweatshirt freshly shorn of its sleeves. But Halloween costumes are her favorite. This year, she's thinking of taking the scenic Duct tape route. Possibly going as baby back ribs (Duct tape several little baby dolls together and fasten them to her back, along with spine-tingling barbeque sauce) or moral fiber (Duct tape a prop 10 Commandments tablet to her, with a small cereal box of bran flakes Duct taped to her head).

WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY, Janey? Timmy's trapped in the mineshaft?! Wait-- wait. That's another dog. Say it again, Jane. SPEAK!

***pauses for a Janey reiteration***

OH! GREAT IDEA!
JANE WANTS us to vote.

PLEASE
"Arf!" once for baby rack ribs,
and twice for moral fiber.
THANKS!
Jane hopes to tally the results
by the end of the day, tommorow.

Dog Day
HALLOWEENIE
RIDDLE TIME:

QUESTION:
What's a vampire's favorite dog?

ANSWER:

A bloodhound.

ONE WORD:
GROOOAN!!!

FANGS
for a lovely time!

SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

RIP, my Mollo and Drea.

IMPORTANT P.S. If you haven't already done so, please, PLEASE, after you've posted your Top 5 changes in a blog headed "My Top 5 Changes" (NOTE: It's still not too late to submit this entry!), post a comment in Glenn11523's blog titled "Top 5 Changes" stating that you've done so. That way all the information can be collected for CBS in a timely and organised fashion. Doing so will complete the Darkout. Thank you so very much!

Oh-oh, Spaghettios!!

Somebody
forgot to say
an October
BUNNY! BUNNY!

AND SPEAKING OF superstitions,

LET'S HEAR IT FOR
the number 13!

O.J. Simpson was found guilty, late Friday, on all 12 counts stemming from robbing two sports-memorabilia dealers at gunpoint in a Las Vegas hotel room.

Photo credit: Getty Images

THE JUICE,
bail-less in Vegas

THE VERDICT, which jurors DELIBERATED 13 HOURS before reaching, COMES 13 YEARS TO THE DAY after Mr. Simpson was acquitted in the highly publicized "Trial of the Century" for the brutal murders of his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend, Ron Goldman.

ONE WORD:

karmaphala

karmaphala [kahr-muh-pah-luh] noun-- the results or "fruits" of actions. the outcome of one's actions. karma being the sum of all done, is currently been done and will be done, and phala being what you get in return. Also: karma-phala.

READY FOR the BIG harvest, Orenthal?
You'd be wise to mind that
old, SparkleFarkle superstition:

Find the "rosy" in the apple,
then make a wish before
taking the first bite from it.

***outstretches arms and braille-reads
the autumn-crisp Wisconsin air***

AHHHHH!

FEELS LIKE A great day to pick apples!
Could I put you down for
a mega-couple of dozen bushels,
Mr. Simpson???
Where you're (finally) headed,
you're going to need ALL the
good luck-wishes you can get!

Let's play

Love Boat
Brunch!

Run! Get your swimsuit!
JUSTICE is now being served
on the lido deck!

SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

RIP, my Mollo, Drea, Nicole Brown Simpson, and Ron Goldman.

IMPORTANT P.S. If you haven't already done so, please, PLEASE, after you've posted your Top 5 changes in a blog headed "My Top 5 Changes" (NOTE: It's still not too late to submit this entry.), post a comment in Glenn11523's blog titled: "Top 5 Changes" stating that you've done so; that way, all the information can be collected for CBS in a timely and organised fashion. Doing so will complete the Darkout. Thank you so very much!

Actor Steve Kimborough
doing his Shelly Winters
doing her Belle Rosen Swan Song

NOW THAT WE'VE had a little time to
pat ourselves on the back for

(The SEPTEMBER 30th
TV.COM DARKOUT),

there's just one itty-smitch
of a reminder I need to sail past you.

PLEASE CONTINUE TO ADD YOUR COMMENT to Glenn11523's blog titled "Top 5 Changes" (click on the title for immediate access), if you haven't already, indicating that you have made your "Top 5 List."

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT
since we have now received
a very polite and direct
response from TV.com staff.

THIS from Glenn11523:

"I am truly appreciative of the tone of the response, and, as I am sure you can appreciate, the staff on the site have been putting in a lot of time as a result of the new design.

I am quite content to now give them some reasonable "breathing room" to first cull through our collective lists, and then give us a more detailed update.

This blog is wide open for any and all comments!"

ONCE MORE-- this time with super-exuberant SparkleFarkle gusto: Thank you, and you and YOU for your efforts in making the TV.com Darkout such a success! And, like I appreciatively told Saint Glenn11523, the Patron Saint of TV.com's Near-Lost Causes, and our fearless leader,

"I will be building an altar
this afternoon!"

BY THE WAY, does anyone have
an old bathtub
I can plant vertically in my front yard???

(HEY, LOOKEE-- this one includes
a tribute to Shelly Winters!)

ONE WORD:

Rub-a-dub-dub!

Stay close,
SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

Rip, my Mollo and Drea.