So I went to my "local" mall today, and observed some sights. Feast on my opinions with your eyes.

Foot Locker employees are god damned annoying. As soon as you walk in, they swarm you with "Hey, wazzup, is there anything I can help you with? No? OK, if you need help finding something, gimme a holler!" Just die, homie. And why do these idiots wear headbands, indoors? Oh yeah, because they want to look "cool". And of course, some of the shoes I saw were ridiculous. G Unit shoes? Why the hell would I want to wear the same shoes as Tony Yayo?

There are a lot of desperate teens out there, guys who will date any fat, disgusting, belly shirt wearing cow they can find, just so they can drape their arm around her flabby, slightly hairy shoulder and parade her around the mall like some trophy. And ladies, if you have a gut, don't wear those damn shirts that end about 2 inches below your boobies.

I swear 95 percent of all GameStop customers only visit the store so they can talk games with the clerk. Don't these people have friends, or inflatable women, they can talk to? Doug in Sales doesn't care about what you think of Phantom Brave, he just wants to get through his shift without some moron saying he owns every Dreamcast import wrestling game ever made.

Is it mandatory for every customer at Barnes and Noble to wear khaki's? Honestly, I have been in about 10 different Barnes and Noble stores, and I never see some guy in cut off jean shorts and a "PBR Me ASAP" shirt, just browsing through the latest John Grisham's.

There are more black people in Minnesota than I had previously thought. And according to the mall, all of them wear throwback jerseys and pants that sag down past their ass.

Whenever someone walks through the door at Hot Topic, an automatic rifle should go off and shoot them in the head, ending their misery. Because if you shop at Hot Topic, you are probably one bad breakup away from swollowing a bullet.

The mall always reinforces one of my strongest beliefs: It's not a crime to look

And there you have it, some of my thoughts on my local mall.