International Pun Contest
| anonymous wrote: |
| International Pun Contest The ability to make and understand puns is considered to be the highest level of language development. Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest: 1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger." 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!" 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive." 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." 8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars. 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So what'd you guys think?
I Don't Get Paid in Gum
Check it out.
Bust A Move
So what the hell am I talking about?
It's Bust-A-Move.
The long running arcade puzzles series starring those two dinos Bub and Bob of Bubble Bobble fame tasked with breaking colored shells much in the same way most puzzle games from Japan feature. But where does the song come in?
Way back when Young MC created a song called "Bust a Move," and recently it was covered by the highly addictive and fantastic show Glee. Now I can't not play Bust A Move without "Bust a Move" playing in my head.
Having a hard time picturing the two together? Take a look and try to imagine.
Glee's "Bust a Move" cover.
Bust A Move gameplay, yet not the XBLA game, but it works better in this context.
Yeah. I have a problem.
A Somewhat Late NBA Preview
Preseason saw a number of teams bulk up in terms of great additions. San Antonio, the Lakers, Boston, Cleveland, and Orlando each upgraded and enter the season as the elite five teams. Denver, Utah, and Detroit fall into the next three top teams. The rest of the league is full of questions about consistency.
So who am I picking to win the entire thing?
San Antonio! Why? Because I friggin' say so
Anyways, there are a couple of teams that are going to improve this year.
Washington will almost certainly, unless their entire starting lineup gets injured like last year, win more than 19 games. With a healthy Gilbert Arenas and Caron Butler, along with new coach Flip Saunders, the Wizards could make the playoffs this year. Also, how about the youth and potential in OK City? While I'm not saying these guys are going to make the playoffs, they'll be battling in every game and improve in wins off the previous year. A shallow roster and a rough West will keep them from making the playoffs this year.
Also, I can't seem to get enough of DeJuan Blair. He dropped through the first round of the draft and fell into the thankful laps of the Spurs, who decided to pick him with their first pick almost a quarter of the way through the second round. Blair is a beast on the boards. Why the hell did anyone let him drop that far and let San Antonio grab him? Just like Glen Davis, Blair will be the sleeper pick of the year.
Finally, the Cavs are 0-2 to start this year off. Don't panic Cleveland fans! It's just the start of the season. Lebron will not let his team fall to 0-5. That's almost impossible. They're going to go though a growing period to adjust to the pros and cons of Shaq on the floor. Cleveland will be back near the top of the East in no time.
I think the last time I picked the Spurs to win, I was way off. Eh. Second time's a charm.
Updatius Somemnus
I managed to grab a wireless adapter for by 360. About time really, and thanks to horseyjesse for letting me know about how much cheaper it was online at amazon. Managed to save almost $25. I placed the order on Wednesday and was surprised to see it arrive yesterday. So now I can finally play online.
I also picked up Borderlands. So if anyone wants to play, just let out a shout and I'll try to make it considering both my work schedule and sleep schedule, and Amazing Race schedule
Finally, somehow I got signed up for Delta Skymiles. Not sure how or why, but I am now a member. The last time I flew on Delta was...three years ago? Something around that time. So yeah. Maybe someone's telling me I should fly to Cincinnati (which is a Delta hub for some odd and insane reason). Or maybe they're desperate. Either way, I got signed up for free! Free stuff is awesome!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Work is going to keep me busy what with 80 hours the next two weeks. It's a massive paycheck, but still. Six days, 80 hours of dealing with people's problems. Oh joy. But you gotta love it when an old lady calls in pissed off that she didn't realize she needed to order a size larger in bras and decided to rant about how poor the J.C. Penney Corporation is to me for ten minutes. She also mentioned that the pictures of models wearing bras in the catalogs was misleading. Yes. Misleading was her choice of words.
On a serious note, I do believe she was frustrated due to time passing her by. She was confused by using the internet and the change in technology in ordering nowadays. I saw this in her refusal in me helping her in anyway to address the matter. Oh well, at least it wasn't a prank call which I received earlier that day.


