.... College student now!!!

Wooooooooooooooooooo *does very happy dance*

I didn't get my first choice of Accounting and Finance at Dublin City University like I knew I wouldn't because points for that are terribly high.

I did get my 2nd choice of Accounting in National College of Ireland which I ended up wanting to go to more than DCU by the time I sat my Leaving Cert.

Party time

I'm still feeling sick though so back to bed I go.

Much love to all.

Aisling xxx

I got my Leaving Certificate results yesterday and I am so very happy with them! I did better than I though I would in Accounting considering the paper was absolutely horrible.

I did 7 subjects and you count the points you got by using your best 6 subjects.

I got 395 points which is brilliant for me. The course I want was 305 points last year so unless it goes up by like 100 points I'm hoping I'll get it. Only have to wait until Monday to find out.

Last night celebrating was awesome. I've never hugged or talked to so many people in my life. I saw so many people I hadn't seen in more than 6 years and it was amazing that we all remembered each other from primary school.

My grades: I'm happy they were all an improvement on my mocks with the exception of French.

Higher Level:
Geography: B2
English: B3
Accounting: C1
History: C2
French: *cough* D1*cough*

Ordinary Level:
Maths: A2
Irish: B1

Picture explaining points and the grades.

hey I am back from London and had an amazing time and I miss you girls so much.

I will write a more detailed blog entry though next weekend hopfeully because I am off to Cork in about 11 hours to go babysit my cousins.

Talk to you all soon. Enjoy the week and go see X-Files loads!!!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

'The I'm sleeping with you kiss'

If you read this then Thank You and I would love if you could give me feedback. This is a story I wrote this year for English. It's short and I am very proud of this piece of fiction, I finally got around to typing it up. I wrote it based om a picture of a little girl on her first day of school. I know I wrote a very sad story but these images came to my head when I fisrt saw the photograph and I just had to deal with what first came to mind.

My teacher said it was a very emotive piece and it was the best essay I had written all year. I got in the high 90s percentage wise for this, the best grade I had gotten for an essay this year in English. My history essays are a different story altogether.

*******

~Reminder of Death~

I stared lovingly at the photograph of my daughter. It had been taken on her first day of school that had been almost three months ago. She looked bored, her green-brown eyes were almost vacant, and she really wasn't focusing on the camera. There was paint on her hands. I guess she'd rather be back in class painting than having her photograph taken. Her dirty blonde, plaited hair stuck out at odd angles. Her teacher had told me she and another classmate had had a lot of fun with glue earlier that day. As I continued to gaze at her angelic face tears began to fall. They silently rolled off my cheeks and landed on the plastic covering that held the photo in my purse. She was merely a shell of that little girl now and I didn't know if she'd ever recover.

My back was aching from sitting in the uncomfortable blue plastic hospital chair. The smell of bleach and antiseptic was something I had grown accustomed to in the five days my daughter has been here. It seemed to cling to every area of this hospital. I kept a constant hold on her hand. She looked so small and frail in the oversized bed. She was connected to so many different machines that constantly beeped. I didn't know what they specifically did; all I knew was that they were keeping her alive.

I can't escape the horror of the accident. When I sleep it plays frame by frame in my mind. Even though it happened so fast the repulsively lucid details play in excruciating slow motion. It's permeated my mind and has settled there. The smallest dozes will have me waking in a cold sweat and I don't know how much longer I can deal with it. If she doesn't survive I don't know how I could go on living.

She had been happily skipping by my side, holding my hands as we walked home from school. She was cheery, talking animatedly about how the next day they would be doing more painting; she had really taken a liking to art. She was telling me what she was going to paint when the car struck her. She was thrown up into the air, limbs flailing wildly. She hit the cars bonnet and slid off, landing in a crumpled heap on the pavement. I will never forget the scream. The terror in her voice as she flew through the air. Once she'd hit the ground there had been an unbearable silence. Nothing else had escaped her lips since then.

I had wanted to run over to her and hold her, comfort her, whisper soothing and reassuring words in her ear but someone held me back. I felt so helpless seeing her lying there, obviously in pain if she was conscious enough to register it or if she wasn't already dead. I wasn't able to do anything. Unable to make the pain go away. A man, who had taken charge of the situation until the paramedics arrived, went up to her and carefully took her pulse. He made sure not to knock into the body. I deduced she must have had a pulse, no matter how weak it may have been, just from observing his body language.

I was still being held when the ambulance arrived. I hadn't even heard them approaching despite the blaring sirens. EMT's jumped out and began to do their job, what they're trained to do. One of them checked on the driver of the car who appeared to be uninjured. Another two checked my daughter. They brought out a stretcher and quickly manoeuvred her onto it. I was finally released and I ran over to them. There was no doubt that I would be riding in the ambulance with them. They didn't say anything or question my presence. I held onto her hand for the entire journey, hoping she would be able to get some comfort from the contact.

When we arrived at the hospital I was made stay in the waiting room. I took this chance to phone my husband. I was distraught and had extreme difficulty explaining everything. I managed to choke out where I was before I dissolved into a fresh fit of sobs. A nurse took me back over to a seat and gave me tissues and a glass of water. I tried to regain control of my emotions. I hated feeling and looking vulnerable, it made me feel weak and helpless. By the time my husband arrived I'd regained my composure. However, it didn't last long. Seeing the expression on his face caused my carefully constructed façade to crumble.

We'd both maintained a constant vigil by her bedside. Only leaving to get food or go home to shower and out on clean clothes. One of us was always by her side. In five days there had been no change to her condition. She wasn't getting worse but she wasn't getting better either. My husband, Jason, had gone to get food when everything went wrong. The monitors began to beep faster and I jumped. I didn't know what was happening. Doctors came rushing in shouting orders. I was pulled out of the room as one doctor shouted.

"She's coding on us. I need a crash cart in here stat!"

I watched everything through the window. They were quickly prepping her so they could use the defibrillator to try jump start her heart. They tried again and again but nothing changed, it wasn't working. I was vaguely aware of Jason holding me when I heard the worst thing parents could ever hear.

"Time of death 10:13 pm."

The doctors cleaned everything up. They removed tubes, wires and shut off machines. I ran into the room and lifted her limp body into my arms. She was still warm. I held on for what felt like hours my tears falling onto her body. I only let go when my husband told me to. She was gone now and there was nothing to be done about it. As I left her room a broken woman I took out my purse and looked at her photo again. To me it was now nothing more than a reminder of death.

********

...in the next 2 months. Yup just a list of things I gotta do for the summer. Pretty simple.

1. Learn to walk in heels. This is a big must if I'm to wear my Debs dress on August 27th. Even gettting it taken up I have been told I am under no circumstances to wear flat shoes as I'm 5'2" and I'd just look silly in them. Curse you all!!!

*Edit* In the 20 minutes since posting this blog I have almost fallen down the stairs 3 times, gone over on my messed up left ankle 5 times and have fallen up the stairs 2 times. Heels are not my friend.

2. Finish reading New Moon and Eclipse to my sister. I finsihed reading Twilight to her last week and she loved and now we are on page 156 of New Moon.

3. July 25th - August 1st - Avoid all X-Files spoilers and forums and get prepared to go see The X-Files: I Want To Believe at least 5 times!! Oh yeah bring on the epic awesomeness of seeing Mulder and Scully together on screen in a brand new story!!!

4. August 4th - Go buy Breaking Dawn. Damn that day is a bank holiday here in Ireland apparently. Now if the book was released on August 2nd like in North America I wouldn't have this problem of trying to find a bookstore open on the 4th. I could simply have bought the book at the train station and read it on the journey from Dublin to Cork. Nope now I have to travel through Cork with 4 cousins in tow. I think I know a few stores in Cork that will be open that day so fingers crossed they'll have the book.

5. August 13th - Deal with the whol getting my Leaving Certificate results. This is gonna be tough. It's July and I'm already nervous about getting them since I made such a mess of the actual exams. Hopefully I have luck on my side and will do better than I thought. Well at least let me get 330 points so I can go to my second choice for College.

6. August 18th - Hopefully getting a college acceptance letter. *fingers crossed* DCU or NCI preferably. I can do, I can do it.

7. August 27th - DEBS!!!. By then I should be able to walk in heels, have my fake tan done [I am not looking forward to that at all, I happen to like having pale skin - except when I burn very easily.] This day should be great fun. Going to get my hair and make-up done and being a true girl for once in my life. Debs are a one time thing mostly and I'm going to make the most of it.. Seriously, it's like the second biggest day for a girl to get dolled up aside from their wedding.

Debs here isn't like Debutante balls in America, it's pretty much like prom. Should be nice to see all my old cla-ssmates again, even if I didn't really like them that much.

We have an after party already organised and have plans on how to keep alert and awake and avoid hangovers for at least another few hours. We also have plans to walk down to a store at 9am the next morning still in our dresses and probably drunk or hungover to buy breakfast. Pictures may be uploaded here for people to laugh at.

Anyways, until the next rambling blog is written...

Toodles, *hugs*, and I hope you are all doing good!!

Aisling...