Well the storm last nigtht was freakin scary! Our tornado alarm want off three times and we could hear them going off in other towns around us! When it went off our next door nabor, some old man went running across the street to his sons house who has a basement! lol! Of course me and my grandpa were the only people in the world dumb enough to stand out side in a storm and watch it! The wind was so strong we couldn't even stand up in it at one point! Then lightening struck really close to our house and me and my papa jumped outta our shoes! It hit our train tracks and made a huge BAM sound like a gun and we were inside before you knew it happened! I was so scared I was shaking and could hardly breath! I hate it when storms like that come around!
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I finally heard from my boyfriend! He wrote me a note that lifted my spirits like a ton! You know he always seems like he is putting himself down when he writes me and I wanna smack him for that! I love him so much and he makes it out like things are his fault when they aren't! He is so perfect to me and has really nothing I would want to change but he keeps changing anyways! He seems like he is always changing for the good and trying so hard! He is such a strong person! The bad thing is that his family is using me against him to make him follow the rules! If he dosen't behave he won't get to see me! They are doing that and they are hurtingme and I am changing for the worst while they are trying to help Ben change for the good! The tell us we are deseaving and all this stuff when what they are doing is just as bad! I miss Ben so much!
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The forth of July is gonna be a stinker for me! I am gonna be home alone with no one to cellibrate with me! Every year that has been the one day Ben and I have got to spend together and I'm not sure if thats gonna go the same this year! To top it off our 1 year anniversary is on the 7th and I won't even get to tell him I love him and happy anniversary! I did get him a card though so I guess that will have to do for now! I wanna die right now! I hurt so much everytime I even think about him I just want it to stop no matter how I have to end it! People say they know how I feel but they don't! The ydon't even know how much I love and am willing to give for Ben's happiness! I thought of so many ways to get out of this but all of them are selfish! If I killed myself I would have to leave Ben all alone to face all of this! Turning his life into hell for my own well being! I will never do that to him! I made that promise to him a long time ago when I attempted it and I don't plan on ever breaking it! I will never leave Ben! Well Today at 7:30 I am going to my friend Samuel's birthday! So I guess I will update later okay! PEACE OUT!