Okay, sorry about the rant in my last blog. It had to be done though.

Okay, even with all these crazy betrayals and stress, I got to look on the brightside. Like I always say, there's always a way to make life better and be happy. It might just take a little while though... I need patience, confidence, and just plain, frickin, LUCK. O__________________O I need to think up some goals, ASAP. I mean, I got LISTS of goals scattered around my various journals, but they're all school and video game goals. My main goals are... complicated. My main goal is to just be happy and FINALLY get through this frickin depression state I've had since 5th grade. 5TH GRADE!! I've been suffering through some of the most cherishable years of my life... Want to know how it started? I was bullied by own friends all because my only friend was a guy. I never felt this pain before... then in 6th grade I lost a friend of mine because I didn't feel the same way towards him (he asked me out.... o_O). I was distraught and confused. Then I hit puberty and realized what was going on. I was so angry at the situation. BAM!!! EMO PHASE. And... maybe I'll tell you the whole story later someday. It'll be an interesting, informative tale of my life that I think more people should hear so they can understand how alone and ignored I've been....

Anyway, back to the goals.... Here are the main big ones supporting the happiness one: 1, Make more true friends. 2, Get fit. 3, Get organized. Blah. Those are all just luck and confusing topics for me. Seriously. DO NOT tell me to just go talk to people. I CANNOT do that. I lost all three years of my middle school life to being an anti-social, semi-suicidal depressed nobody. I have very little experience in comunicating with others. I need true friends to support me in this and help me baby steps at a time. UNFORTUNATELY, my friends don't do that. They don't understand what I've been through and how lost I am. Whenever I ask for help from them, they just shove me out the door and tell me to go talk to my neighbor or greet some new kids in my class. Whenever I picture myself doing that, I get so scared, you have no idea. I'm so shy... I speak only when spoken to. Why can't people talk to me? T_T Anyway, enough of that, my other goal is to get fit. I'm not happy with my apperence at all. I'm completely un-active and out of shape. My parents never really encouraged physical activity and healthy eating when I was a child. My parents spoiled me and got me sweets a lot of the time. My brother is on the verge of becoming an obese child. He's like... 170 pounds... And I'm around 160. o____o I had to learn in school that what my family was doing was bad. So... I want to become a healthy human being. And I want to STAY that way. Forever and always. If only I had someone to tell me what to do and eat at scheduled times so I can slowly get more active and fit. Wait, those are like personal trainers, right? I don't need one of those. They sound creepy and expensive. o_O But, yeah. I want to be healthy. UGH. If only my parents would stop buying all the frickin sweets. Oh ya, the last goal. Basically, I just want to do better in school and become a successful adult and not be in debt spending all my money on video games. I really hope that doesn't happen. o_O

Gah, those goals aren't helping. I have no way to start them off. I need luck, PURE luck in order for me to start those on my own. I need help. T_T I'm confused. Same with all the Xbox 360 stuff. I'm a total newbie to it and I have no one to help me. I don't want to get Xbox Live until I can get a friend to help guide me. And.... I don't have any. So yeah. I'm depressed. Always have been for the past five years. -_- I want to be happy. So badly, I do...

Guys, I'm gonna try to get on more because you guys pay more attention to me than my real life friends do. I'm so happy to have met you all and I want to be able to converse with you guys all the time. ^_^ So thank you so much for your support through all these blogs.

Bye friends.

Tell me, are all guys stupid perverts? Cause that's what it's starting to look like.

About four times in a row in the last 24 hours, I have caught my little brother looking at pornographic websites and videos. I have been teaching him for the past several years to be a good, responsible kid and this is how he re-pays me. That frickin sicko. I am ashamed to even be using this computer knowing that someone was using it for sick, sexual entertainment. I thought that if I could trust anyone, it'd be my brother because he was so naive and innocent and just some little dorky middle school kid, but I can't anymore. I'm starting to realize that most of my friends aren't what they seem to be. My best friends don't treat me like their other friends. My other friends don't tell me about important matters. I don't think people really care about me much.... and I can't trust them with my life anymore... I can't.... I hate how evil this world has become... I wish this planet wasn't how it is.

Everything is just bothering me lately. I don't know what to do....

Hi everyone! Yup, today's my birthday. I turned 15. ^_^

So, there's not much to really say except what I got.

I got some sleepwear, $70, Coldplay's "Viva La Vida and Death to All His Friends" CD, Three Days Grace "Three Days Grace", "Kiki's Delivery Service" DVD, "Anastasia" DVD, The Sims 2 Castaway for PS2, Trauma Center: Under the Knife 2 (My mom got the wrong one ), a pretty necklace, a pad of sticky notes with dolphins and my name on it, Avatar: the Last Airbender Season 2 Box Set, and The Game of Life: Twist and Turns board game. Some preeeeettty good stuff.

BUT!!!!!!!!! That's not even the best part! We all knew this was coming.... I GOT AN XBOX 360!!! Woooooooooooo!!!!!!!!! Sweeet. This is awesome. ^.^ Along with that, I got another controller and Bully: Scholarship Edition. No GTA. Hahaha, I don't really need that now.

Ummm, I don't think there's anything really stricking that I should mention. Just BLAH school stuff. But, it's going good. ^_^

Anyway, I hope everyone reading has a wonderful day and thanks for visiting. Buh bye!

I feel awful. D: Cathy does not like this year so far.

I'll guess I'll just go by class.

First period is AP World History. -_- A frickin college-like class. It's gonna be hard. But, the teacher looks nice. He's really funny.

Second period is Psychology 1. Yay, this class looks awesome! I love psychology. ^^ Anyway, right at the doorway, my teacher formally introduced herself to every single student. She shook my hand and told me her name. What a nice teacher! I want people to be more like her! But... after about 15 more students coming into the classroom, it got a little annoying. o___o Some girls were making fun of her and I got iritated. I felt so wonderful having gotten to meet the teacher like that. ^_^ So, I didn't care. This class looks like it will be fun.

Third is French 1. Oh my gosh, this looks like my toughest class. I'm going to be so lost! After all the introductions, my teacher started teaching us simple saying like "Hello", "Goodbye", "Nice to meet you", and "My name is...". I didn't get it! Then she picked on random students and started saying all this stuff and expected us to answer. She picked on me and I said "....Uh, I'm confused..." and then she just went onto the next student and they said it. D: What the fudge? T_T Cathy does NOT like this class. HEY!!! If anyone knows French out there, would you be willing to help me!?! T_T

Fourth is HOPE (Health/PE). The teacher is what most teens would call "dorky". I think he's cool. He's not mean. ^_^ Umm... P.E. might be weird. But, it should be easy. I just gotta pay attention in class and dress out and sorta participate. ^_^;;;; I'm not into sports. I like walking. The only trouble I'll have with this class is finding the locker room, the crazy students, and the VERRRRRRRRRY graphic health videos we are to watch later in the year.

Fifth is Lunch. Yay! Since the P.E. area is right next to the caferteria, I'm one of the first to get there! Yeah!! First in line for lunch! ^^ The lines at Gaither are realllly long. I met up with my two good friends and we sat together.

Sixth is Chemistry 1 Honors. The teacher is cool. She set her self on fire. Not really, but she did a really cool fire trick. Although, I have a huge phobia of fire. Uh oh. I really do not like doing labs having to do with fire and explosions. D: Noesss..... I forgot about that. This is going to be a scary class.

Seventh is Algebra 2 Honors. I'm not really fond of math. But, I don't think I should have too much trouble with algebra. It's just equations, right? I'm good with those.

And finally, eighth is English 2 Honors. This class is full of annoying kids. And the teacher loves them. D: Noesss..... I miss my old English teacher. I want my fav teacher again in my favorite subject. I like English. This class might be bad. But, I'll like it at least. Too bad I already have homework. I have to write an essay having to do with my biography. I'd go more into it, but... phffft, why would you want to hear MY homework?

The buses home were crazy! They showed up all un-organized and then once I got on my bus, it took like over 30 minutes for us to leave! And a lot of the crazy teens didn't know their bus number so they went around to all the buses asking about the routes. Stupid kids. But, I like my bus this year! There's a really cool driver and we got one of those fancy buses with air conditioning. It's really hot in Florida, so it helps a lot.

Speaking of Florida, that hurricane heading towards us has canceled school for tomorrow. At first, I didn't want it to, but seeing how bad today was, I'm glad. I have to recover from all this madness.

So yeah... school's troublesome. Full of annoying teens, full of hard work, confusing French, boring school lunches, and EVIIIILLLLL. Cathy liked last year better.

Bye everyone! ^_^

Yup. School's tomorrow. But, don't worry, I'll still come on as if nothing happened. ^_^

Umm... this year shouldn't be too bad. I'm a sophmore now and I know lots about my school, so I shouldn't be too confused. But, I'm always confused... Anyway, I just need to get comfortable... heh.... o_o Ugh. I know my classes should be a little cooler this year. I know I'm taking Algebra 2, English 2, AP World History (Holy cow, an AP class!?! Yikes.... that'll be difficult!), P.E. (also known as H.O.P.E), Chemistry, Physcology (Yay! My major interest! ^_^ ), Food Prep (Awesome), French (My first ever language class), and.... Lunch. I don't know the order yet. But those are cool. ^_^

In other news, everyone's gong crazy about that crazy hurricane Fay heading towards Florida. There might not be some school days this week if it's big. I don't want it to hit, though. The first week of school is usually really cool! It's easy and smooth. And hurricanes are scary... I don't wanna die. O_O

Some other random, crazy news! I started watching anime again today! Wonderful time to start, huh Cathy? Last day of summer. My gosh. But, I probably wont be able to watch much cause none of my sites have any episodes! Stupid internet. Oh well.

Well, I'll blog tomorrow about my first day. Wish me luck, and I wish luck to everyone else out there who starts school tomorrow or anyone who's already in school! Bye bye!