Ugh.  I haven't been here for so long but i needed somewhere to go and vent...somewhere none of my friends will find what i have written.  and none of them know about me having this blog so i figure here is the best place.

so basically i am just here to whine and i don't expect or even want anyone to pay attention, this is basically just for me.

ok, so i think i have the best friends in the world.  they are all great and i love them to pieces but the problem is they never seem to be around anymore.  i hardly ever see them.  always too busy working or seeing other friends or too tired to hang out or sick or whatever reason, but i am getting fed up with it.  i think this is all just part of getting older, getting real jobs and a real life, but it sucks.  i don't want things to change,  i was happy the way they were.  i don't like the fact that i'm lucky if i see my friends once a week coz our schedules are always conflicting.  i liked it when we were just carefree and hung out every day.  and maybe its me as well, maybe i'm am too busy also, but it doesn't feel like it.  it feels like its just everyone too busy for me.  and i hate it.  i hate it because i miss them and i hate it because i'm lonely and i hate it because it makes me mad at them, and its not even really their fault!!

i'm such a whining litte baby.  but how is it that i have so many friends yet i find myself sitting here alone on a saturday night, because they are all busy, all doing different things, not with each other, but not with me either.  how i am i so pathetic that i am here whining on a blog on saturday night because no one will play with me?  how is it possible that everyone i know can be busy on one night with things that dont invlove me?  and this isnt the first time.  it feels like i have no one.  but i have so many friends!!!  but where are they?  i'm always there for anyone anytime they need me...and they know that.  but where are they for me?  not here...thats where...