The side view mirror is like a painting, purple and yellow and orange. Sun rise. I'm supposed to be excited about the dawning of a new day.

When winter break comes, I'll go back and pull out all the dead grass I wanted to pull out before I left. I don't know why I'm doing it, really. I'm not going to live there.

I guess Granddaddy's house was what was good about my life once, and I'm trying to hold onto that just like I'm trying to hold onto the hope that I can make a new life for myself that's better than the old one was.

The sun is almost all the way risen now. The sky is a deep, rich blue. No clouds. I wonder if there will ever be clouds to look at again.

The sign comes up for me to merge onto 295. A new road, one I've never been on.

I speed up a little and get in behind a truck I can't see over.

My new life has begun.

David touched my arm. "What the hell – "

I picked up the set of keys. "Granddaddy's car," I said softly. "It's been gathering dust since he quit driving."

"I guess you got you a ride then." There was something wistful in David's voice.

I wiped my eyes and turned towards him. "Come with me."

David squinted up at the sky. "I can't. Not now."

"Please?"

David sighed. "This is my place just like the world is yours. I don't get why God made me that way, but He did." A cloud drifted past, fat and white and full of rain. "Come on. Let's go see your car."

My legs were stiff, I let David pull me up. I squeezed his hand, then dropped it.

We walked around the house for the last time, then went into the garage to dust off the car.

A second later, we were sitting on the grass again, not looking at each other. "Sorry," David said.

I pulled at a stalk of grass. My throat ached, my whole body shook. "Everything's so final..." I leaned against David. I didn't have time to remember how afraid I was of him holding me, I moved closer before I'd even thought to do so.

David patted my back. "Come on. Let's – "

A car door slammed. I jerked straight up. Mama was coming up the walk. Her skirt blew out in the wind, her tiny heels clopped on the stone path like horseshoes. "There you are," she said.

I watched myself wipe grass off my skirt. Please Mama, don't make a scene.

"I should have known that you would have put cuddling with some boy over your granddaddy's funeral." Mama whirled around on David. "You, sir. Did you know we're burying her granddaddy today?"

"Yes, ma'am, I did. I thought if Ellie came here first – "

Mama spit in between the two of us. "You disgust me, both of you. Granddaddy half in the ground and you laying yourselves out in front of his house." She took a small set of keys and threw them at me. "He wanted you to have these. God knows why, it's bad enough he left his house to someone who refuses to do right."

"Mama, please – "

"Take the damn keys and go off to Boston or wherever the hell you want to go. I'm done with you."

Mama turned and went back to her car. I watched her. She slammed the door like she was still full of hatred, but when she was safely inside and thought I couldn't see, she slumped over the steering wheel and I knew she was sobbing.

I sat down on the bed and pushed my foot into my shoe. It squeezed my toes, I could barely close the buckle. The top of my shoe was too shiny, I could see my face in it. I kicked it off and tried a pair of black boots instead. They were too warm, but at least they fit.

There was a knock at the door. I tiptoed downstairs even though Mama was long gone and went to get it. David was wearing a suit and tie. I thought he meant to go to the funeral with me, but all he said was, "Let's go for a walk."

I took a tiny step. My legs felt as if they had forgotten how to hold me up. David took my hand and led me down the path.

We walked quietly. The sun beat down on me though it was early, I began sweating inside my dark dress. I wrinkled my nose to make sure I didn't smell. I looked at David, but he was staring straight ahead, looking at absolutely nothing.

Somehow we found ourselves at Granddaddy's old house. I stared at it, I could almost see smoke coming out of the chimney like it used to when Granddaddy made fires for me. Tears came up through my throat and got stuck there.

"Let it out," David said.

I didn't answer. I was staring at the chimney like I could make it go again.

"C'mon. Just cause you ain't going to some stupid funeral don't mean you're not grieving."

I leaned against David and tried to cry, but the tears wouldn't come. After a while I sank down onto the dead, brown lawn. One part of me sat there trying to pull up the grass while another part of me watched me be unable to do it.

"What's wrong with me?" I said. David looked at me but I couldn't explain what I really meant, it sounded too crazy in my head. So instead I said, "I should be excited about going to Boston or upset about Granddaddy or something. But I'm not anything. I'm just still living." I pulled harder at the grass, it came out of a sudden and almost knocked me back.

David caught me by the shoulder. "I've lost too many people in my life. Trust me, the feelings'll come in time."

I looked up at him. His eyes were wide and very blue and his lips were full. I tilted my head back. My heart was beating fast and I was thinking all sorts of things I didn't have any right to think. Not with Granddaddy dead and me leaving. I tilted my head back even further anyway and watched myself kiss him.

Granddaddy's funeral was two days later. As it turned out, I didn't go. That morning, I woke up to the clearest blue sky we'd had since last summer. The sun winked out at me from between the clouds. I pulled the blinds down so hard they fell off the window and crashed to the floor.

Mama came in. She looked over my shoulder at the naked window and bit her lip. "Hurry up and get dressed, Elizabeth."

I didn't say anything. I squeezed my hands together like I used to when I was a little girl about to get in trouble.

Mama's face got harder, her chin jutted forward. "Don't even think about not coming, Elizabeth Porter. Your granddaddy treated you like you were his own so you never had to worry about not having a daddy. The least you could do is pay him his final respects."

I turned my back on Mama. I pretended I was unbuttoning my pajama top but really I was just thinking and trying to breathe. At last I said, "Go ahead. I'm coming, but not yet."

"Elizabeth – "

"I'll come later." I breathed hard but I knew Mama had heard the tears in my voice, cause she left without another word.

I went over to the closet and pulled out my one black dress. It was soft velvet, as dark as it was it didn't seem right for today. I put it on anyway. Then I stood in front of the mirror, smoothing it. My eyes were puffy from tears and lack of sleep, but they were still soft green. For some reason I thought I looked a little bit pretty. I turned away from the mirror and went to call David.

"I can't go to my granddaddy's funeral," I said.

"So don't go." David was chewing something, I could hear it through the phone.

"I have to. He was my granddaddy, he was like a daddy to me, Mama wants me to go..."

"Look, why don't I come over?"

I sniffed hard. No. You are supposed to be leaving for this funeral. Get your shoes on. "OK."

"I'll be there in five minutes. Sit tight." David clicked off.