"I've Come To Talk To You Again"
Okay, I gotta admit something. No, I didn't go to law school, but I do know a little bit more about it than you do.
You see; I'M the shop steward for a reason. I'm the one who had to go to all those @#$% training classes in another @#$%ing state. I'm the one who was part of the negotiating committee and know exactly what's in the @#$% contract. I'm the one who's gone thru these meetings more times than you can even imagine. I'm the one who's actually sat across the table from bunch of corporate lawyers and WON an arbitration.
And your total experience /legal training of watching Law & Order reruns DOESN'T trump that, got it?
So here's the rules.
#1. SHUT UP.
They're not you're BFFs. (To be honest, I'm not gonna invite over to my house any time soon, either. But I'm not out to fire you; so you stand a better chance of surviving this by only talking to me instead.) Do you really think they're so stupid they're not going to check on whatever whopper you came up with in .25 seconds? Or perhaps you think they spent all that money to buy security cameras but were too cheap to buy tape? And do you really think you won't get fired if you rat out somebody else? (Guess what. Now they get to stop paying benefits on TWO idiots.)
True story: The manager informs me an employee is receiving a written warning for a "no call / no show". I discuss the issue with the employee before we go upstairs for the meeting. He says something along the lines of "When I called in for Friday, I thought I told [night checker] I wouldn't be in Saturday either." "Stop right there." I said. "I don't want to hear anything else. Stick to what you just said when we get upstairs. Other than that, let me do all the talking."
A few minute later, once we've sat down for the meeting, he says "I guess I could have told [night checker] I wasn't coming in Saturday, but didn't because I was working in Produce the next day."
AAARRRGGGHHH !!!! Which part of "Don't say anything else" was unclear?!!!
#2 I'M THE EXPERT, NOT YOU.
Yeah, the contract looks straight forward on that issue. BUT, the before what you just read that says "All portions of this article shall apply to employees hired before 11/11/77..."kinda makes it hard for me to argue that it should apply to you too. You weren't even BORN before 1977!!!
And [other idiot employee] telling you what the contract REALLY means doesn't count as expert advice either.
And due to the simple fact that I deal with the managers a little bit more than you, I MIGHT have a better idea of how to talk to them. I've got them in a good mood right now, so as long as YOU don't tick them off, we'll get paid to sit down for fifteen minutes and everyone comes out of this happy.
And you don't know EVERYTHING, you snot-nose punk. I've done some dealing with them on some other issues that don't concern you. As long as you don't blow it, they get to pretend they're being all big and bad by giving you a verbal warning. And your fellow employee who's trying to feed three kids on her own gets to keep her job.
#3 SHUT UP.
I've already been up there, so they don't know anything about your friends getting away with taking a thirty minute break. Heck, the only reason they know you did it, is because you TOLD PEOPLE you did it. Everyone else kept their mouths shut. Learn from people who've got a little bit more common sense, okay?
And it's still not too late for you to SHUT UP!!!
Once we get upstairs, if you open your fat mouth, then your friends get in trouble also. Notice that's "also", not "instead". Ratting on friends, not only is just going to add to my headaches, it's a downright scummy thing to do.
True story: Management had already discussed with me an employee who thought he was on a "free lunch" program. They saw him take product off the shelf and walk to the break room. For obvious reasons, they stopped him once he sat down and asked for a receipt. "My girlfriend (who works in the deli on the other side of the store) got it for me."
Uh…
Wow.
You can only sit back in amazement at the level of love there. It almost breaks you're heart.
#4 DON'T GET MAD AT ME.
I'm on YOUR side. (Or at least until you started cussing at me. At that point, my best effort just decided to go outside and have a smoke for a while.) Don't scream and yell at me for telling you what the contract says we can do in this situation.
It's not my fault the contract says someone who's been working here twenty years gets five weeks vacations and you still don't have any after a whole three weeks. Yes, we were a bunch of idiots during contract negotiations for not thinking about poor widdl you. But it's too late for is to insert a clause just for you, so let's concentrate on things we can deal with, shall we?
And yes, they have to right to write the schedule. You don't get to tell them when you're working. I know the whole business of working on a weekend in retail sucks. But I'm right there in the check lane next to you. If I had any control over the schedule, I promise you at least ONE of us would be sitting at home watching the ball game this Saturday.
#5 SHUT UP !!!
Cussing at me? Dumb, but it won't get you fired. Cussing at management in front of witnesses? It's been a while since I've dealt with that one. So I guess I should thank you for letting me deal with the whole gross insubordination issue. (And the boss was in a fairly decent mood a few minutes before. It's gonna be SOOO much fun dealing with him on the next two meetings he and I have lined up. Thanks heaps.)
You're stuck in this lousy job because your people skills SUCK. He, on the other hand, got promoted to manager because his people skills DON'T suck. And I got to be shop steward because I can negotiate and debate with the best of them. So just sit back and let me handle it.
Yeah, I know it's YOUR job on the line. But you're scared/mad/paranoid right now. I'm calm and here to help you. He's calm and, despite the fact that you honestly believe he's been plotting to get you since day one, doesn't want to fire anyone. As long you keep that fat mouth of yours shut, everything should be over fairly quickly and painlessly.
And #6.…
WHICH PART OF "SHUT THE @#$%UP" IS UNCLEAR?!!!
No one said anything about you getting in trouble. Management and I could get in a whole heap of trouble for talking about it to ANYONE. So who in the WORLD went blabbing to the entire store about something only three people could have known about?
*sigh*
Why in the world management was crazy enough to hire somebody who so obviously is NEVER going to learn a few basic rules is beyond me.
