Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle Bill, who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died. Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the two blondes kept their promise.

They set off from Clearwater Beach with their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat.

After a while Bubbles says, 'Do you think we're out far enough, Barbie?"

Barbie slipped over the side and finding the water only knee deep said, "Nope, not yet Bubbles."

So they row a little farther.... Again Bubbles asks Barbie, "Do you think we're out far enough now?"

Once again Barbie slips over the side and almost immediately says, "No, this will never do. The water is only up to my chest."

So on they row and row and row, and finally Barbie slips over the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Bubbles is really getting worried when suddenly Barbie breaks the surface, gasping for breath she says,

"OK, it's finally deep enough. Hand me the shovel."

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude
woman.
They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years,
when
one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture,
brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a
hundred
blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty
minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the
shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.
After
fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.


The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you
care to do it again?'

He asks her 'Shall we?'

She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This
time,

I'll hold the pigeon down and you poop on its head.'

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?" and he smiles. "OK, she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh!t?"

(I wonder if she was a blonde or a brunette?)

A maid asked for a pay increase.

The wife was very upset about this and asked: "Maria, times are tough. I must make do on what my husband gives me. I'm not getting a raise. Tell me three reasons why you deserve one."

Maria says, "Well Senora, The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"

Maria: "Your husband said so."

Wife: "I see."

Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

Maria: "Your husband did."

Wife: "Oh."

Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you."

Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?!"

Maria: "No Senora, the gardener did."

She got the raise.

Had a chance to watch the first two eps of Swingtown tonight. Dunno if I think it will have what it takes to go the distance, but I was 16 in 1976, so I am enjoying the music!

Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers, a state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"

The trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before you go, Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? "These women seem awfully shaken."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 127."