Hey all, hope your week is off to a great start. I am in limbo at the moment, after a somewhat stressful weekend, but hey, it is only four days until the weekend.

OK, another glimpse into the strangeness that is me. If you can relate to this, cool, if not, just chalk it up as another unique thing you know about me. I love my car. There, I said it, I'll say it again, I love my car. I have a relationship with my car, it is a member of my family. It is a friend, always there in an emergency to run me to the hospital, the doctor, or the late night drive-thru to satisfy a craving. It has taken me everywhere I have wanted to go over the last five years, without complaint, without an attitude and without letting me down. I treat her well, feeding her need for fresh oil, full tires and a never ending supply of window solvent.

I remember the first time I saw her, sitting in the back corner of a car lot. I had gone to buy a new car, one right off the line, a small but efficient car, (the kids were shorter then and leg room was not even a thought,) that would save me gas and get us around. I was not looking for a van, although that is what I really wanted, thinking they were too expensive, thinking that as nice as it would be to have all that room, a van was a luxury I could not afford. As I prowled the lot with my sister, considering my options, she suggested I look at the used vans, just to see how much they were and if there was anyway I could swing it.

We looked, opening doors, checking odometers and finding that a used van with minimal features and with lots of miles would cost me the same as a new compact car. As I resigned myself to living with a compact, my sister spotted this bright red van, parked way over in the corner and so we went to look. It was love at first sight. Down hearted, knowing I could not afford such a van, I still looked, imagining myself and the kids cruising around in such a fine car. The salesman approached, exulting the virtues of the car, saying it had just come in. I listened, then glanced at the sticker attached to the window. I glanced, I looked a second time, then I told him I would like to take her for a test drive. By the time I had left the car lot for the test drive, I knew she would be mine. The sticker price was low, no more than the new compact car, the miles were low at only 18,000 and she was loaded. Leather seats, stereo system that rocked, power everything and low, low miles.

When we returned from the drive, the salesman told me that it had been marked wrong...the actual price, with such low miles should be higher, but that since that was what was on the window, I could get it at that price. Sold! I drove off the lot later that day with her and she has been a member of the family ever since.

This morning I stood and watched as the wrecker took her away, off to the shop to be repaired from an ailment I hope is not too serious. Strapped on the back of the flat bed, she looked strange leaving the house for the first time without me. She has never before not had me with her. I am her only driver, her caretaker, her friend, and now she is alone, waiting her turn at the service station. It was like watching one of my children cross the street alone for the first time, wanting them to be safe, feeling the desire to take their hand and protect them just a bit longer.

So now, as I look out the window at the empty driveway, I wait. I wait for the call that will tell me what's wrong, that will tell me what they are going to do to fix her, and for the dreaded details on how much it will cost. I am hoping it is minor, that she will be up and running me around again very soon and that it will not cost me an arm and a leg to have her back. To me she is still a youngster, being with me five year, but only having 57,000 miles. I want to be still driving her when she has 100,000 miles or more. I want to be driving her until she is just too old to carry on. She is, after all, a part of the family.

So, that is where I am at today. Hope your week goes well.

later...

Hurray, I am up and running again, following several frustrating days of no internet and no TV. Seems both travel through the same cable, so since Sunday afternoon, we have been in the dark so to speak. No news, no shows, no blogs, no comments, no e-mail, no connection to the outside world! It's awful! I know I wrote a while ago about my chocolate milk addiction, a glass of which I am now sipping, but I must say, after this week, I know what my real addiction is. TV and internet, and I am not really sure in what order I would put them.

I start everyday with the news for half an hour, just enough to find out a bit of what is happening in the world and to get the latest weather report. I am the one that is supposed to know what is happening, the people I work with ask me, what's the latest, what's the weather going to be this week? I am their window on the world, but this week, I had nothing for them. I was a blank slate, ignorant to anything outside my own door.

In the evenings, I get on-line. I check the news, I check the entertainment pages, I check my mail, my blog, my comments and respond accordingly. This week, nothing. I stopped by the library long enough to post the, "I won't be on blog," but working at the library is not for me. Someone watching you, waiting for their turn, no headphones allowed, so no music to help the thoughts flow, the feeling that someone might be reading over your shoulder all make the library a less than satisfactory place to work. So, since I stopped there, I have been wondering what comments have been posted, what news have I missed from my friends, what great things have been discussed that I have not been a part of. All in all, beyond frustrating!

OK, so now the reason for my lack of internet and TV. I thought it was because of a limb that is hanging by a thread to my tree, putting undue stress on the cable. I was under the assumption that this was the cause. I spoke to the cable company four different times and because they assured me that there was no problem at their end I still assumed it was the tree limb. I had to make an appointment for the tech to come out, but, I work, just like everyone else and you have to be there to let the guy in. You also have to be over 18, so the kids could not do it. Anyway, finally today he arrives, an hour late, and proceeds to assess the situation. You will never believe what the problem was. No, not the limb, one of the company's employees. Seems the neighbor didn't pay her bill and they disconnected her, only they disconnected the wrong house, mine! Can you say pi55ed? Four days with out service and no one thought to check if I had been disconnected? When I think of what I missed it kind of makes me mad, but what can you do. I know, I will just be thankful that I am up and running again and spend my energy getting caught up instead of wasting it being mad about something I can't go back and undo. BTW, the reconnect took 5 minutes and he didn't even need to get in the house, so they could have had me reconnected on Monday. On a positive note, I did watch several movies this week. I did enjoy that and I discovered some great songs that I am now on the hunt for to add to my play list.

In other news. Just after midnight on Wednesday, the phone rang, usually not a good thing. When the phone rings in the middle of the night, you instantly take stock of everyone you know that is old, or sick, and you say a quick, silent prayer that this is not bad news. In this case, it wasn't. The call was from my daughter, who had just arrived back at her friends house following the concert they have been dying to see since February. The concert, originally scheduled for April, was delayed, much to their displeasure. Last night, finally, the rescheduled concert took place at the Fillmore in Detroit.

When I answered the phone, I barely recognized the voice of my 15 year old, as she informed me that she was back, safe and sound, and what a wonderful time she had. In a loud voice, hoarse in the way only a great concert or cheering on your favorite team can bring, she went on to tell me it was the best time ever. Still breathless with excitement, she told about the show, leaving out no detail. How much they had screamed, their young adult logic telling them that somehow the band would hear their voices over the crowd. The two encores, and which songs they did in each, and that yes, she had gotten a t-shirt and it is the coolest t-shirt ever.

As we said goodnight, her still talking a bit too loudly, I assume from the ringing in her ears from the volume of the concert, I wondered if she or her friend would get any sleep at all. Their excitement still running high, I imagine they spent a good part of the night discussing every minute of the concert, whispering together, sharing a memory they will share forever. Sounds like a successful evening to me.

I do hope they got a bit of sleep, as they were off yesterday on the next phase of their adventure, Cedar Point Amusement Park in Ohio. Sunshine, fair food, shows, roller coasters and other great rides and camping out. To me, it sounds like the perfect end to the summer break.

I also wanted to thank everyone that took the time to comment on the, "are you born or made," blog. The response and comments were awesome, to say the least. Such a wide variety of thoughts and such insight. I still have no answers, but you opened up a whole new way to look at this and that is always a good thing.

Last, but by no means least, welcome back Skaramouche. So sorry I missed you, but I am so happy you were here. *Huge welcome back hugs!*

So that's it for now. I am off to catch up on the blogs I missed. I hope you all have a great Friday and an even better weekend. I will leave you with this song that I first heard in a movie this week...I am sure some of you will already know it, but I am happy to have found it and I think the lyrics are incredible...

One Blood

later...

Hey all, hope your week is off to a better start than mine. As of yesterday afternoon, I have no internet connection at home. Looks like it will not be back up and running until at least Friday, thanks to a tree limb that is causing some issues.

Sorry for not being able to respond to the latest comments on my last blog, but I am here only long enough to post this. I am sitting in the library and it is not nearly as good as being in my own space. My time is limited, so I am just hitting the necessary stuff, then I am out of here.

So, I will be back as soon as possible and I will respond as soon as I am back. Looks like my next weekend will be spent playing catch up, but playing catch up at home, in my own space is a good thing.

Hope you all have a great week.

later...

Hey all, hope your week went well and that you are now enjoying a nice weekend. I am sitting in a very quiet house on this Saturday morning, as the kids were away last night and won't be back until this evening.

So, now on to the subject of this blog. A friend, wise beyond his years, commenting on my last blog wrote, "humans are a cancer to the world." He wrote this, not in reference to global warming or any of the things we are doing to poison the planet, but in reference to the evil we can do to one another. Violent acts, seemingly random at times, that take or forever alter lives. The cruelties that we humans can inflict on one another, without remorse, without a pang of guilt, these are the things I have been thinking about and wondering about. How did this happen, that we have among us people with the so little regard for human life, people that can even dream of doing such horrible things to others, and worse, people that plan and enjoy what they do?

Seriously, I have no idea, but I do have some theories. I think that there have always been these people, living on the edge, while managing to blend in to a certain degree, carrying with them these desires to hurt others, but I think the numbers were fewer and the rules that we as a society lived by helped keep them in check. Now, the rules have changed and we have become a society where anything goes and instant gratification is a way of life. People now are much more apt to act on their desires, no matter what they are, without stopping to think of the consequences, or plan the consequences, in the form of a suicidal end to their rampage.

Serial killers are not new, Jack the Ripper was perhaps the most famous in olden times, but there have been others through the years that have claimed their bit of fame and many more lives. Recently however, there seem to be many more. Just in my life time we have had the Zodiac Killer, Henry Lee Lucas, Edmund Kemper (the Co-ed Killer), Arthur Shawcross, John Wayne Gacy, Ted Bundy, David Berkowitz (Son of Sam), Ken Bianchi & Angelo Buono (the Hillside Stranglers), Gary Ridgway (the Green River Killer), Aileen Wuornos, and Jeffrey Dahmer, to name just a few. These are just in the US and only a handful of the actual number. It is estimated that there are at least 50 serial killers active in the US at any given time. What happens to these people to make them believe that this is OK, that makes them need to do this, and that allows them to plot and carry out these crimes seemingly without remorse, often feeling justified in what they are doing?

Most do have very troubled pasts, often filled with abuse, a sense of abandonment, or both, but a lot of people live through similar things and don't turn into killers. What is it in the mind and heart of these select few that makes them cross that line and become a serial killer? Again, I have no answers.

Even more troubling to me, and a fairly recent phenomenon is the rampage or spree killer. What pushes a worker to the point where he will go home, get a gun, return to his workplace and kill anyone and everyone he encounters? What pressures create a sense in him that somehow this will make things better? Most of these workplace killings end with the killers own death, so what could he possible hope to gain? Or is his rage so huge and uncontrollable that he wants to die and decides to take as many people with him as possible?

The school massacre is another fairly new one...and I find it the most troubling. Why a 14, 15 or 16 year old would think that taking a gun to school and killing his teachers and cl@ssmates is a good idea is beyond me. Yet is happens and all too frequently. The idea that passing through metal detectors should be a part of going to school is something all too real, but very sad at the same time. School used to be a small reflection on the community as a whole, and I guess it is, but when I went to school, the thought of a gunman opening fire was unheard of. Following the Columbine killings people were quick to blame everyone and everything. But this was not the first school shooting, prior to this there had been 12, just since 1996. Following the Columbine shootings 42 more took place through February of this year. Most of these shooting took place in the US, but others have happened around the world. Hundred of lives lost, families torn apart, and more often than not, the killer dead in the end.

Video games, violent cartoons, heavy metal music, movies, access to weapons and a desensitization to violence have all been blamed. I don't know that this is true. I grew up watching Bugs Bunny, Road Runner, and Tom and Jerry cartoons, all with many elements of violence, but I have never been tempted to drop an anvil on someone's head, push someone off a cliff, or to run over them with a lawn mower. I had access to guns, as my father was a hunter and collector of guns, albeit, none of those guns was an AK-47, but we were taught from an early age that guns were not toys, that death was permanent and that the things you see in movies and cartoons is make believe and not possible in real life.

Violence these days seems to know no bounds. The headlines scream of terrible things, things the average person would only dream of in nightmares. It seems to me that following a particularly headline grabbing story of violence, there is a rash of other similar stories. This to me suggests that there are many people living on the edge of reality and all they need to someone to lead the way. Like seeing someone else actually do what they are thinking about makes it alright for them to follow suit. The school shootings for example, following the Pearl Mississippi shootings on Oct. 1, 1997, there were 7 other school shootings in just the next 6 months. Did the first one somehow lead to the others? Did the boys seeing these stories think that this was the answer they were looking for? Following the Columbine shootings on April 20, 1999 there were two more in rapid succession, one on April 28th in Canada and another on May 20th in Georgia. Had those responsible seen the news coverage of Columbine and it was like an OK for them to act on their own plan? Again, I have no answers.

I usually have an opinion on most things, by my opinion on this is very limited and consists of a feeling of hopelessness and confusion. Maybe because I can't picture myself ever doing such a thing, I can't find a perspective for any answers. Perhaps because my mind cannot grasp what the killer gets out of doing such awful things, I am unable to find any answer and only come up against more questions. Maybe you, like me, can only read the next headline, watch the next news report, and scratch your head, trying in vain to make sense of something so senseless. The mass killer or serial killer is to me like a different species, embodying all the horror that the average person cannot imagine, but what is it that makes them who they are, what sets them apart and creates the beast inside of them that eventually turns to killing as an outlet? I doubt that we will ever really know, and for that I am somewhat thankful, as I feel to truly understand you would have to walk a mile in their shoes, and that is something I would not want to do under any circumstances.

We, as human beings are capable of the worst kind of horror, the ability to inflict pain on our fellow man is there and easily available, but for the most part we make the choice not to do so. Most of us live a life where violence as an answer would never cross our minds. We live a life where violence is something we only read about in the papers or witness in the movies. We are fortunate, as since we don't know exactly what creates a monster, we have somehow avoided it without even realizing that perhaps, under the right circumstances, we could have become the next monster to make the news. A chilling thought, but without knowing how to create such a person, a killer, how do we know how to avoid creating one?

So back to the line that prompted this blog, "humans are a cancer to the world," I believe that to be true, but I also believe that these cancer cells can be overpowered by those of us that choose to be non-cancerous. For every evil person, bent on fulfilling their own needs at the expense of others and of society, there are, fortunately, many others willing to stand up and fight against this evil. For every horror story on the news, there are other stories of good things, people helping others, helping their communities, and fighting to make the world a better place. The problem is, these stories are not as fascinating, they don't sell papers, and so they are placed in the back, away from the headlines, but they are there...good stories of people doing great things. These stories and these people are the ones that will make the world a better place, with no fan fare, no lead stories on the news, just a quiet perseverance and a desire to do the right thing.

So on that note, having answered nothing, I leave you to go and enjoy my weekend, as I hope you are enjoying yours, but before I go, I give you this. A little tune from 1972 that I enjoyed as a child and have just rediscovered. I know of no one that has heard this little tune without a smile breaking across their face...I hope it will do the same for you.

Popcorn

later...

OK, this blog just came out of the blue, and is the result of something I saw on the way out to my car yesterday. What I saw was a man, coming out of my neighbor's house, getting into his car and leaving. Now normally this would not be anything that would inspire a second though, let alone a blog, but in this case, I think it is worthy of both.

Now before I get into this, I must say that usually I border on the liberal side of things. I am very much a live and let live kind of person. Live how you want to and as long as the things you are doing aren't harming anyone else, so be it. I tend to go with the flow and observe, but not take things too seriously. People amaze me and I love to see the things they do, but occasionally, I come across something that does bother me. This is one of those times.

If you are young and single and you choose to live a bit of a wild life, so be it. I have no problem with that...as long as you are careful and protect yourself and others. If you choose to have a different man or woman over every night of the week, and they are still there for breakfast it is, frankly, none of my business. If that is what makes you happy and you are not hurting anyone, do what you want. However, if you have other people in the house, I see it as a problem, especially if those other people are your children.

Now this may sound harsh, mean spirited and judgmental and perhaps it is, but when your children become privy to your sex life, I see it as a problem. This man I saw getting into his car at the crack of dawn was not the same man getting into his car last week and that guy wasn't the same one as the week before. I think you get the picture. If this is what she chooses to do, fine, but she has two young teen daughters living in that house, and I can't imagine what they must be thinking, looking across the breakfast table at a different man's face every week.

What has happened to discretion? What has happened to setting a good example for your kids? Is this the kind of behavior she wants her daughters to emulate? Can't she restrict her dalliances to nights the girls are gone, away at friends or family's houses? Or better yet, go to his place for the fun and games, then go home to her kids? I simply do not understand how you could subject your kids to that. It must be terribly confusing for them, and they are old enough to know what is going on.

I can't imagine me bringing a man into this house and having him appear at the table for breakfast the next morning, smiling at the bewildered looks I am sure would be on my kids faces. I would not do that to them. If I wanted to play house, I would certainly use a bit of discretion in an effort to protect my kids. To bring a stranger into our home would do far more harm than good. If that is what I want to do, I can always do it somewhere else and not make the kids a party to it. When you have children, you have instant responsibility and that means protecting not only their physical being, but the mental being as well. I think it unfair to put a child in a bad situation, not of their making, just to satisfy your own needs.

I am not a prude, by any means, I am all for a healthy sex life, but not at the expense of my children. In our house we talk about sex, how to protect yourself and the responsibilities that go with having sex, but that doesn't mean I think flaunting your sex life in front of your kids is a smart move. I think good information and education are key in raising kids, but I think in this case her kids could do with a bit less information. So, tell me, am I being too judgmental? Am I being incredibly old fashioned? Am I way off base on this?

I really don't know, but what I do know is that kids don't see their parents the same way they see other human beings, they see them as something far above that. They see them as the guardians, the fixers, the ones that do no wrong, and can make everything alright. That is a lot to live up to, and we all occasionally fail at it, but for the most part, I strive to live up to my kids expectations. I strive to set the examples I hope they will follow. I look next door and I wonder what she is striving for with her kids. It really does make me wonder.

BTW, I know her life choices are none of my business, but I can't help what I see or how I feel about it. OK, next time I promise not to be on such a high horse. Hope you are all having a great week.

later...