Hey, guys!

Today is my 2 year anniversary here! I couldn't believe it so much time had passed!

This is just a short blog to say that I am still here and I haven't forgotten you. I am just so busy with my two jobs and my lectures at the Uni I don't have time to show up here often. I am really sorry about that. But there is nothing really interesting about me. I hope I will time to write more soon! Have a nice day!

See you!

Desi

Hey, guys!

It's been a long time since the last time I have been here! I've got a new job and I am so busy with it and my studies in the university that I don't have time for almost anything else. But it's Easter now and I am having a little vacation. I am working now in a bookkeeper's office. I like the job. It's only part time so I could visit my lectures in the uni. I am really happy with it!

But I am not happy with my old boyfriends. For the last month I spoke with three of my ex-boyfriends and they all shocked me, hurt me, disappointed me or something like that. The first one, who I was with four years ago told me that he wants me to hug him when he comes back(he is abroad right now) and I am not sure from where he did get that idea... The second one, who I broke up with about three years ago, told me that he is in love with me and he is sending me poems and insulting me in the same time. Where the hell he was three years ago when I had a really bad crush on him? And the third one has got a new girlfriend and is avoiding me right now. I was thinking we were friends - we had a really nice talks and spend some time together, not much, you know, just a nice chat from time to time. Okay, I am starting to think that boys are from another planet! A girl could have only problems with them. Maybe this is going to sound ridiculous but I am very seriously considering trying with a girl next time. The only problem seems to be that I have never fall in love with a girl...

Hope to see you soon!

Love,

Desi

Happy New Year!

I wish you to have the best year, guys!

My exams are starting now but I will write more soon!

Have fun!

Love,

Desi

These days something happened and it made me think about some things. There is that boy I have been with about three years ago. We actually never had a real relationship, more like friends with benefits. But an year later I was a little bit disappointed from him I met another boy and we started dating. It lasts eight months. But we remained friends with the other boy(without the benefits). He is a good person, I just don't accept some of his conceptions about the girls and relationships. After I broke up with my ex he started to hints me that he wants to resume our previous relations. Last week he told me that he fell in love with me. At first I was thinking that he wanted just to sleep with me but then I realized that he maybe really had some feelings toward me. I couldn't believe it. Three years ago Ireally had a crush onhim but now... It was so confusing. And the most confusing part is that right now I have the same friendship with benefits with my ex. What a mess! A few months ago a boy told me that I make all the boys think that Ilike them. Now I am looking for somebody new in my life, I definitely need a change.These no-strings-attached relationships gets on my nerves. They are useful when you don't have a constant relationship but sometimes the complications from them are a very big price to pay. Sometimes I had the feeling that all the boys came from a different planet. I just don't understand them.

And in the mean time I need to write a few papers for the university. I don't know how I am going to write them all in time. And one of them is almost twice longer than the usual. And the worse part is that I don't feel like writing any of them. I feel ashamed from myself!

Hey, guys!

I was thinking about writing some news about how my term is going but I changed my mind. All I will say is that it is hard. I don't feel like writing more about that right now.

Only the lonely
Know the way I feel tonight
Only the lonely
Know this feeling ain't right

That's from Roy Orbison's song "Only The Lonely" and I feel the same way these days. I feel like I never have been so alone before. I haven't heard my best friend for about two months, my room-mate is so busy with her work and when she get back from there she is usually bringing her boyfriend with her and they are very tired so I don't have the opportunity to speak with them. And most of my friends are at their Universities so there is nobody left at home. So the only social contacts I have are with my fellow-students but.... Okay, lets say that I am not very good in communicating with them. I just couldn't find topics to speak with them and I am tired of speaking for lectures, professors and that sort of things. I need somebody to give mean advice what should I do with my emotions, somebody to speak with normally, seriously and without thinking if I am interesting to him/her. Actually that's my biggest problem in the communication - I am so afraid of being boring that I am really getting boring and I am saying so stupid things sometimes... I think that actually my fellow-students, or at least these I spend more time with - my room-mate and two other girls(especially one of them probably, she is the most clever from them and the oldest in the group),think that I am stupid and infantile but the truth is that I am not. I just want to get attention. I know that sometimes I am acting like a child but that's because I don't know what to say or what to do. I feel like I am from another universe and I don't belong to their world. I am getting depressed, I need a friend. I feel like I am going to explode!

See you soon,

Desi