Nighttime is wierd. On one hand, it makes everything about life seem so hopeless. It's dark, quiet and ultimately lonely. But on the other hand it's so full of possibility. It makes your mind wander with 'what-if's and 'if-only's and before you know it, you find yourself dreaming without even being asleep. It's almost as if you're trapped in a bubble, awake in the middle of the night, with nothing but your thoughts. It can be either very liberating or very dangerous. The thoughts that can emerge can either reinforce your view about life, or it can make you question every single aspect until you start to doubt everything you've ever done.

Memories start to flood back, some heart-warming, some just plain heart-wrenching and when that flood comes, it's often hard to close the gates. It's like the darkness of the night obliterates any defences you may normally have against such recollections and suddenly you're at the mercy of your own subconscious. You start to compare how things were then, to how things are now and whilst in your sleep deprived state, it's easy to favour the former.

The thing is though, that even whilst you're thinking all this and feeling like there's no end to the torment, you know deep down that as soon as morning comes and the famous 'harsh light of day' shines through, all of these thoughts are going to melt away and you'll be left feeling a)tired and b)kind of ashamed at feeling so pathetic in the first place. Comforting as this knowledge should be, it doesn't help to alleviate the pain that these nighttime excursions into our pasts (and possible futures), that we so often go on bring with them.

I can't help but ask myself: If life was satisfying enough now, then would we really be looking back with longing for times past, rather than with relief that they're over? And how could life have been as good back then as it seems looking back, when we know that it all ended badly, which is why it isn't still that way now? And if that is the case and life was better then (unbeknownst to us at the time), then how do we go about making life as good now, without making the same mistakes we made before, which made it all end badly?!

I guess it's a case of selecting what to take from your nighttime journey through time. After all, a lot (if not most) of the thoughts that break through will be hostile memories, simply resurfacing to make you feel bad and whilst achieving this objective, really aren't there for any other reason. But a precious few will hold valuable information that, if used correctly, might not particularly make life better or richer, or change the world, but which might make you learn something or realise something about yourself. Something which might make you a better person.

At least until the morning anyway...

Don S. Davis

1942 - 2008

Just heard the news that Don S. Davis has sadly passed away. Famous for his roles in Twin Peaks, The X-Files and most notably the Stargate franchise. This is really sad news. Pretty shocked actually. He wasn't even that old. Really tragic. It's always wierd when someone you've watched for years dies. It's like you feel you know them, and should feel sadder than you do. Even though you feel sad and realise that it's a big deal for the family, you'll get over it the next day or even a couple of hours and that'll be that. But you almost feel guilty for not feeling sadder about it, cos you've 'known' them for so long. Sorry, just thought I'd post and try to explain what I meant. Regardless, extremely sad news and my heart goes out to everyone who knew him. x

Ok, so I'm not exactly a huge Hannah Montana fan or anything, but after reading about the latest 'Disney scandal' I felt the need to speak out...so to speak. Here's the story in brief: Miley Cyrus poses in a shoot for Vanity Fair holding a blanket over her, and with her bare back exposed!

Man, don't you just feel dirty thinking about it?! The scandal!! Next she'll be dancing in brothel windows in Amsterdam! Sense the sarcasm.

Here's the 'offending' photo:

Like I said, I'm not particularly a fan or anything of the tween-popster, it just kinda gets to me that these kids are having their lives controlled by the mega-power that is Disney. I mean sure, I bet they love all the fame and the money etc, and I'm sure it's not all bad, but when it comes to not letting a young girl have a life and be young, it just pisses me off!

Man, give her a break. I mean, the picture aint even that bad. I can understand why Disney would be concerned, but really they have no reason to be. The picture is more 'arty' than 'risque'. And for goodness sake, they say that Vanity Fair 'manipulated her'? Disney is manipulating her into changing her mind about the shot and saying she's sorry!!

She's always been the most 'innocent' of the Disney gals and managed to stay out of all the controversy (mostly!), so I think they should just let it go. People aren't gonna stop their kids watching the show over a photo that appears in a magazine that they're probably too young to/wont wanna read anyway!

Leave the girl alone! I'm sure she'll still make you plenty money Disney!

To trust someone is to essentially surrender to them. Sounds melodramatic I know, but it's not untrue. When you decide to trust someone unwaveringly, to put all your faith in them, what you're also doing is giving them the power to do limitless damage. But then, I guess that's the point. You trust that they wont. You can't imagine them ever doing anything to hurt you, or make you feel bad in any way, intentionally or otherwise. That's why, when that trust is broken, it comes like a punch to the gut, out of nowhere and leaves you winded, confused and ultimately as broken as the trust itself.

Now, I believe (or at least I try to) that no matter how big something is, it can eventually be gotten over. But the question is, can the trust ever be re-built? It's not easy to forgive someone, but eventually if you want to, then it can be done, but is it the same for trust? You can try, (I mean everything's worth a try right?) but is trust really something you should have to try and achieve? Shouldn't it be something that occurs naturally? When you ask yourself 'Can I trust this person?', your gut reaction will tell you the answer. But then, if that person does something to prove that you can't trust them, then that's it. You cant! Is it really that simple? Is trust something that you either have for someone, or you dont, or is it something that ebbs and flows depending on the circumstances?

I don't really want to be cheesy and say that trust is a gift, but I guess these well-worn words are true. It's something that you give to someone at great expense to yourself, and it's a prime example of a gift that feels just as good to give as it does to recieve. However, to continue this analogy, if you give someone this gift, knowing that it's an expensive gift to give, only to have it smashed and broken, are you really about to run out and buy another one? Trust doesn't come with a reciept. You can't just go back and have it replaced. But then the question is, is it worth saving up to get another one, when the same could happen again?

I guess it all comes down to how much you like taking risks. The easy option would be to jump head-first straight back in and just hope for the best. But then there's always going to be something that sets you off thinking, making you suspicious, and living like that could make a person crazy. On the other hand, why throw a good thing away over something that in years to come will be years ago? It's a decision you have to make I guess, and it's one best made taking all the evidence into account. If trust is something that you either can do or you can't, then it should be an easy decision, but then things that are supposed to be easy never are. There's no guide-book, there is no concrete answer. You just have to ask yourself, 'Is the evidence strong enough to warrant re-opening the case?' or, when it comes to trust, is it innocent until proven guilty?