I'm not going to say that this movie is for everyone and certainly not for every mood. But, on a whim I dvred it because it was set in London, and I wasn't disappointed. An elderly widow moves to London to start a new chapter in her life, to reconnect with her grandson, and to be independent, to be, and I quote, myself rather than a daughter, wife, mother. However, the first few minutes of the film you, as the viewer, can feel the loneliness off of the screen. She's surrounded by new faces and just seems so lost and alone. Life seems monotonous. And then she trips and falls and this young man, who could have easily have ignored her, runs out of his flat and helps her up and, rather than sending her on her way, offers her tea and his company. From then on, this young man, who admittedly has few friends but could easily find other amusements, and this older woman cultivate a truly symbiotic friendship. He learns from her, she learns from him, they surprise each other...and it's amazing how the choices made lead each to find happiness...him a new love...her some peace and happiness before death. It's uplifting to see humanity in that light, rather than always blowing each other up, stealing from one another, etc, and its so heartwrenching. We all make choices and we all cross paths with others...it's all about that. I'm still teary-eyed! And it makes me want to visit my grandmother really badly!!!

It's been awhile since I've been on. Life catches up, the daily stressors, and I think, for awhile there, I let that stress consume me a bit. But Spring is here and though it brings with it more allergies and more headaches it also brings more free reading time, camping, social time, and outings. I end up spending my days inside anyway but it looks pretty!

But I'm back if only to get some things off my mind. Though I've been frequenting Facebook, in lieu of tv.com, I still favor the anonymity of tv.com, the comfort that comes from espousing my ideas without any real fear of rancor. I love my friends and family but sometimes you just want to get things off your chest...not go into a back and forth attack.

Anyway, I'm reading that "Thousands Rally with 'tea parties' on tax day" from Yahoo news (oh the horror) and I'm still confused and wouldn't mind any opinions if I still have friends after such a long absence. No worries if I don't...like I said...this is just a way of self aggrandizing.

I know President Obama is spending alot and I'm not thrilled with the ballooning deficit nor am I exactly thrilled with the 4% increase in military spending (though everywhere I look there are complaints about the cutback in military spending). I'm not thrilled with his anti-Iraq war platform and his now renewed efforts in Afghanistan. I'm a walking contradiction on this topic because I can't come up with firm stance. I don't want to be in either country and yet, if we can bring about some difference and evolution in human rights, then the cost is worth it...maybe!?! In the next breath, I can argue that we shouldn't interfere, that we should allow every country to evolve, that we should focus on our own domestic issues, that we shouldn't lie to the American public about motives. But, if the lying is what bothers me, why not just accept it? Do not the ends justify the means? I don't know....

But onto the economy...wouldn't people be just as upset if President Obama did nothing, if he idly sat by and said "don't worry...these tax cuts that never work to begin with will work now...just give it time" instead of trying to infuse funds and yes even make work into the economy. The bonus in my paycheck is miniscule but does it add up? I don't know. To be honest, I wasn't even feeling the economic downturn one bit. I had one cousin who was laid off and that seemed like a given since he works in the construction business. But I felt just fine. The camps spread out about the country that are reminiscent of Hoovervilles kind of shocked me into reality. But the reality of it all hit when I got my own pink slip. I've made connections with the staff, love it there, but I don't have seniority and, though I may be rehired, who knows?

But I'm still ok with the stimulus plan and I'm still ok with Obama's plan. We've got to spend to make a different right? And that takes time...

So does anyone know what is so wrong with this plan? Do tax cuts really work? Aren't tax increases necessary for the programs we support? There in lies my contradiction again...I'm always afraid of a 1984 and Handsmaid Tale situation but I'm for big government when it comes to social issues...

ok...that was just throwup...any thoughts

So maybe I lied. Maybe I didn't know I lied but maybe I just have to face that this year will be different, that life is meant to have all these different stressors and that, while I know I can handle them, new stressors can easily throw me for a loop. So maybe the ball of whatever it is still feels like a weight on my chest and maybe I can't seem to get control over some things but maybe it's ok. Maybe I just have to deal with the fact that I can't always be in control and that I have to accept my decisions and their consequences and enjoy all for whatever all is worth because maybe that's what matters. I love my job, love my life, and yet I haven't been able to shake the feeling that I'm stuck in a hole. I'm working on that feeling, every day, like we all are. It's amazing how regenerative the spirit is with great friends, family, and great students.

I've been reticent to voice that feeling, afraid that it made me look weak, feel weak, but it feels good to get it off my chest. Maybe I just found a foothold?

Anyway, I'd also like to pay homage to a man who has given me countless hours of leisure and who I am actually really sad and shocked to lose. Sounds like someone I know, right? Well, it is...I know his words. Had it not been for Eric LaSalle's homage to him before tonight's episode of ER, I would not have been the wiser. It would seem that all things Obama predominated the news cycle and therefore my attention. Perhaps this is as it should be but it doesn't mean I wish I had known sooner. Michael Crichton wrote so many books that I couldn't put down, brought to light so many different thoughts on society, science, and created entertaining works of fiction in various media format. I can't believe I won't read another new book by him. Whether you agreed with his politics or not, you can't tell me this man didn't touch your life. I'm in the middle of Timeline...it feels strange to read it now...like I'll never read another Crichton book. Rest easy.

It's amazing how music can transform you. I just saw Simply Sinatra at the Bushnell last night and I feel rejuvenated...funny how things just fit, like a puzzle, in your life.

Looks like they're working the kinks out one by one. Kudos to you tv.com

Now, what to blog about...life, work, politics, movies, books...hmmm...so much going on I suppose

Work has surprisingly been stressful. It took me until about a couple weeks ago to finally feel settled into the school year. Before that, I struggled to adjust to the learning level of my new students and remembing names of the 230 exploratory kids I see...yeah righ! But things are settling in and year two is feeling much better. I can breathe again. I wasn't dealing with the stress in the best manner either. I was working out but avoiding my gym (b/c of my new later schedule) and I was frustrated by the financial waste. So, I'm getting back in the gym routine as well. Phew...it is my drug of choice, exercise, and without it I can get pretty irritable.

As for life, all is well. Operation Cindy, meaning forcing myself out, was well-intentioned and I have had a good time spending my weekends camping, seeing shows in New York, and dancing in Boston, but it's also getting a big overwhelming. It feels like a 7 day work week b/c I don't sleep well in strange places and am desperate for some me time. So, despite the upcoming weekends continuing the busy trend, I see a clear horizon for some of November and I can't wait to enjoy empty movie weekend alone! Ahhhh...can't wait...

Books...;(...I've been on temporary hiatus, reading maybe a couple pages a day. Currently, I'm finishing Aristophanes, The Birds, readying myself up for part two of my double feature show weekend. Saturday I see Sweeney Todd matinee and then The Birds, a modernized political version, at night.

Movies...given my intense crush on Gerard Butler (like many other women I know), I've been watching Butler films. My Blockbuster queue was sending me Ireland themed films and now Butler featured films and I'm enjoying that.

Politics...no energy to go there...another more purposeful blog

Sorry that this was just blather but I felt like I had to post something!