So my Grandad has cancer.... We've known since the start of the year, and he's been getting chemo, but this week we found out that he wasn't going to make it to Christmas. We knew that he wasn't going to survive it, but we were kind of expecting.... or hoping i guess, that he'd at least make it until next year, and then we learn that he's going to be on onxygen from now on, and he's really puffy because the cancer has spread to his liver, and now his liver is pretty much buggered.

I am so scared. I cannot imagine things without my grandad. And because I was expecting next year when they were talking about time frames at the start of the year, I am not prepared for such a small time. I have no idea how to handle any of it.

So lately I've been thinking a lot about University and where I'm going to go and what I'm going to do. We went to a Career's Expo where 7 of the 9 Uni's in Queensland had little Expo's. I decided that I'd love to go down South, like go to Brisbane or somewhere for Uni. but the only issue with that is that I live in North Queensland, and the issue would be getting from NQ to the bottom of the State. But, I've decided that I would love to go to Bond University if I decide to do something that is offered at that University. But, I'm even more confused about what I'm going to do..... RRAAAHHH!!!!! But, Bond looks like the nicest campus to be at, the accommodation is the cheapest, and its only 20 years old this year! But my parents want me to go somewhere that's closer to home, but I just want to get the hell out of here. I want to get as far away from here as I possibly can, which going to the Gold Coast seems like a really good idea. But its so hard to try and get through to my parents.

What do you guys think of Uni? Has anyone been to a Uni in QLD, or even Bond Uni? I need all the information I can get to make up my mind and stop stressing! And, in your opinion, how much money do you think is a good amount to go to Uni with?

Sorry its been a while... I meant to upload these pictures the second I got home from Brisbane, but time just got away from me.... I had a bunch of school stuff to do, and then I had work experience. But I'll talk about those after the concert pictures!!

So last week I went with the instrumental music teacher, and it was really interesting. The only thing is is that you can't really get u the kids for not practicing, because otherwise they'll quit on you, and then your numbers godown. And where I live, we can't afford for the numbers to go down, because otherwise Education Queensland will can the program in my area, and I don't want that to happen, and the music teacher doesn't want that to happen, so he's just gotta try and nudge them into practicing, which is really difficult to do. Also, you don't have much support from the parents, which is SO ANNOYING, because kids just say that they want to quit, and parents are just like, 'Whatever', which is bullsh!t! If I were the parent, then I would tell them that they had to keep doing it until the end of the year, and make sure that they practiced on a regular basis UNTIL the end of the year!

Also, something happened (Nothing bad, just upsetting), and I'm not really sure if I'm ready to talk about it. Its really upsetting me, but I don't really want to talk about it just yet because I feel like the world's biggest loser. So just when if I do end up blogging about it, then I just want to know that you guys aren't going to judge me for it. Like I said, nothing bad, just something upsetting.

So I'm going to Pink's Funhouse concert in 7 days!!! am SO EXCITED! I'm trying to look for what the shirts look like, but I'm going to buy one regardless. I'll make sure I post any pictures I get (They'll be pretty crap, but I'm still going to try!) OMG I am sooooo(ten o's)oooo excited!!!!

SO I haven't blogged in a while, and I feel bad cuz I feel like I've abandoned you guys, but I still luv all of ya.

So, on Tuesday, there was a teacher strike for every teacher in the union for Queensland (Horrah!). They want better pay, because they are the lowest paid teachers in Australia. When one of my teachers started, she said she was lucky to be earning $40 000 a year, and now, a few years later, she said that she earns about $50 000, but loses half of it on tax, and gets MORE taken out of her pay for Uni expenses. So, she gets paid something like $500 a week, which is unbelievable. The miners in this town get something like $100 000 for leaving school at year 10, whereas teachers had to finish school, go to Uni, PAY for Uni, and get abused everytime they come to work! So, they're going for a 21% pay increase, which would bring that teacher I was talking about up to $61 000, which in my opinion, is honestly still not enough, but its definately an improvement. And there's school. I was nearly crying today because I had so much school work, but I haven't been doing it because its SO F&CKING BORING! I did something like 20 textbook pages for biology in a week, and I've got a Home Ec assignment, maths assignment, legal studies assignment, and a chemistry assignment, and I think I'm supposed to be getting an EEI for biology! Not to mention exams for all the subjects listed above! But it's so unfair how they expect us to do all this homework for every subject, and on top of normal homework, do assignments! And then they wonder why we don't get both done, when we were working on either the homework or the assignment, or another subjects that was due that day! It just doesn't make ANY SENSE!

Anyway, I feel a little better now. I haven't ranted in a while. Peace!

So my Grandad was told yesterday that he's got 2 - 3 months left without treatment. There's nothing they can do, even if they can treat the cancer. So he's got another appointment of Friday to discuss whether they can treat it, but even if they can, I don't know if they will, so he can spend his last months doing what he loves. So I just need losts and lots of hugs.

ANZAC Day today. I was actually MC in both the Dawn and morning ceremony this year, and I've never actually marched before until today. But I finally understand how important it is. For those that don't know what ANZAC day is, its a day that we have in Australia to remember all those that died in the war.

I love the last post. It's one of the saddest, most beautiful songs I've ever heard.... When it was playing, the song echoed through the town and it was so sad and eerie...

My Grandad Lou was a supplier/stocker for WWII in Papua New Guinea, and although he wasn't a soldier, I am still so proud, because he would have still seen a lot of terrifying, crazy stuff. He's got a bunch of medals, and I've actually decided to track them down so I can look at them.

Lest We Forget.

And where I live, we have a big showday fr May Day (Labour Day). We have floats, a show, heaps of stuff. Our school is doing 'Let's Entertain!', so me and my friend have decided to go as Bill and Ben the Flowerpot men. I'm so excited!!!

He has lung and liver cancer - We don't know how advanced it is or whats going to happen until he meets with the specialist next week. I have no idea how to actually deal with it - I know that I can't dwell on it, but I just can get over the fact that he's got cancer. I can't imagine how hard it must be for dad, for grandma and for my Auntys when its so hard for me. I just don't know what to do....

Lol, 7 terms left till I'm finished school for good!!! Woot woot!! And I've also decided that I'm going to try to come on here more and post on the forums more. I'll do my best!! Well, here's what I got for term 1:

Maths B - C (woot woot, I passed!)
English - B
Legal Studies - A
Chemistry - A
Biology - B
Home Ec - B

So I'm happy. But I'm not happy because I've got to go back to school soon. Boo.

Yea, so I haven't been on in a while. Hmmmm..... What to say.... I'm pretty sure I'm going to pass all my subjects, which is a MAJOR EFFING RELIEF!!! Phew, I'm happy. And I started reading Twilight, lol. I'm up to Breaking Dawn, and I absolutely LOVE them. They're in a tie with Harry Potter (I can't choose, I love them both too much). I wanna murder Jacob Black, but I want Edward to jump out of the book and take me away. I've read about 3 of the books in a week, lol! Jesus I'm boring. What's been happening with you guys??? I'm sorry I'm never around anymore.

Ok, so I've been having issues with Biolgy - I miss one lesson of Biology a week, because I have an internet lesson for Legal Studies. And when I walk into Biology, my teacher doesn't tell me what we're doing, or what we've done. So I went to see the Head of Dept. about it, and she pretty much turned it around and blamed it on me. She said that I need to be asking more questions, and sh!t like that, so I was really upset and p!ssed off about that. So mum is going to go and see the Principal about it, so maybe that will help.

And something else happened, and I'm really not sure what to do about it. My cousin has a learning disability and is a little slow, but he is such a nice kid. He's in year 8, but the teacher aide that is marrying my maths teacher got the teacher that is in charge of all the kids with disabilities/behaviour issues to call home and say that some of the teachers are feeling uncomfortable because he doesn't make eye contact, and they feel like they're been searched. But what the real story is is that the teacher-aide thought that my cousin was checking her out, which is absolutely pathetic, considering my cousin gets all embarressed if you say fart to him. But the only thing that I'm thinking is that my Aunty won't make an appointment to discuss it with her, but instead she's just going to wait until she sees the teacher-aide around town, so she can say her peice then, like a six year old, and knowing my Aunty, she's going to say exactly what comes to her head, and its going to be terrible, and I really don't think that she deserves that. I mean, I don't know if its because I like my maths teacher, or if its because she deserves a fair go...... I can't beleive she thought that, but I mean, if it were you, and you had a 13 year old boy who didn't look at your face when you spoke to them, what would you think? So I'm really torn between whether I should just tell them to be weary of the Aunty and to brace herself for some extra nasty comments, or to just leave it and butt out...... Ideas?

Next Saturday at the pub, we're doing a theme night, and the theme is Rocky Horror, and I gotta dress up. I think that I'm going to go as Columbia, but I'm sh!t scared. Aaaarrrgggghhhh!!!

Today has sucked. Thursdays are really bad, because I have every subject, music, band, homework and today on top of all that, I have to work at the pub tonight. Music was good, but Band was sh!t - I play bassoon in band, and the band..... Sucks. I'm having issues with bassoon because I only started playing at the end of last year, so I'm not that good. I can't handle working tonight! I have TOO MUCH TO DO.

Going to be a dad. A girl told me that his fiance is pregnant. I feel so stupid and pathetic. Its got nothing to do with me, yet I feel like I've been hit my a car. It is so hard to live with this sort of thing, because I haven't got anyone to talk to about it. There is nobody (except you guys) who knows how I feel about him, so I haven't got anyone to talk to. And right now I'm crying, and I feel so so so lame. Like, why do I feel this hurt? Its not his fault. Its not her fault. But I can't help but feel really upset about it.

Does anyone else agree that homework sucks arse? I mean, on my first day back at school, I had Chemistry homework, and today, I got Maths Homework, English Homework and Biology homework. It sucks.

Well, on Thursday, I have every single subject, which is even worse, because my bag is heavy enough without having to carry my texbooks. i got my Maths textbook, which is pretty thick, and my Biology, Chemistry and I think my Legal studies books are HUGE as well.

But otherwise, I'm actually really happy. This week has been really good so far, and work last night went really really good. I'm not worrying about anything, and things just seem to be going really well. I just hope something doesn't happen to make it all go to sh!t again. But I'm trying to stay positive.

Wish me luck!!!!!!

Well,l parade and year level were a pain in the arse. Because our school is so small, year 11 and 12 is together for everything except Maths and English, which can suck because most of the year 12's are wankers. But thankfully, the only real class where I have to be with the year 12's is Home Ec, and the ones doing it aren't too bad. But we learned that we were going on a camp next week, ALL TOGETHER. And apparently its compulsery, if you want to get a senior badge or a leadership role in year 12. But, if I'm lucky, the rain will keep up, and the roads will be blocked by next week.

So I had a single of Home Ec after that, and all we did was go through what we would be doing, and how its different from Hospitality. After that I had Maths B. Well. The teacher I have is the one I wrote about in my previous blog. I'm not sure how I feel about him, but I didn't abuse the sh!t out of him, so I think I'm over been angry at him.... I've realized that its not his fault. So he went through how we would be assessed, and how difficult it was going to be, and how much work we would need to do in order to pass, and how to obtain the overall grade we need. Then we did some work - I think I need to read over it and try to work it out in my head, but I think if I at least do that if I'm stuck on something, than that'll help me out a lot. And I really want to STAY in Maths B, I don't want to go into Maths A. If I get at least a C in Maths B, I'll be happy, but I'm really aiming for a B, but I don't want to get my hopes up, because EVERYONE has been telling me how difficult it is, and I'm already a little confused.

Then I had Chemistry. I think I'm going to like Chemistry. I like the teacher, and she's changed the work program so its a little more interesting. And its not like its going to be boring, I just don't want to fail. Its really funny because even though Biology and Chemistry are composite classes, there's only year 11's in it. It's gonna be great.

Then I was supposed to have Legal Studies via distance ed, but they didn't have any work for me just yet, so I did my Chemistry homework (or at least some of it).

So that was my day. I think that Tuesdays will be my favorite.

One other thing I couldn't help but notice (Trust me, I couldn't) - My Maths teacher is marrying a teacher aide, right? So they usually drive to school together everyday. But today, he rode his bike, and she drove.... I know its got nothing to do with me, but I had to tell someone, and you guys are the only people I trust. Anyway, Peace Out!

So things have kind of worked themselves out over my work hours. My boss at the pub is quitting the ciggies, so I'm not holding the way she acted against her, because I'm a good girl. Although, I've been thinking about it, and I think I'm going to quit IGA. I worked I get $100 for a 12 hour week at IGA, whereas at the Pub, for working 6 hours, I get about $90. Janet told me that she wants me to work 2 nights a week for her, and each night I work is about 3 hours long, so I'd get more time off, but still get about the same money. I'm not 100% sure on what I'm going to do yet, because Janet might have only rostered me on for Friday, and if she did, how can I tell her that I want more hours again after telling her that she has been giving me too many? But anyway, that's tomorrow's problem.

And I've also been thinking a lot. You guys remember how I had a crush on a teacher? Well, I'm not sure if it has to do with been away from him for 7 weeks or if I'm over it, but I really haven't been thinking about him all that often. I still think he's hotter than hell, but I realize now that a lot of what I did when he was around was unbelieveibly pathetic, and if he didn't notice that I had the hots for him, then I don't think he's as smart as I think he is. But I feel a little bad for him, because he couldn't turn me away when I was asking for help, but I think his politeness kept my hopes up. I sort of wish that he had gone nuts at me and set me straight. Because if he did, than even though my feelings would be hurt, at least I'd have my priorities in order. But at the same time, I feel like screaming at him. I feel like as much as I thought he cared about helping me, when my back was turned, he was laughing at me, gossiping about my worries with the other teachers, because I went to the staff room once to get maths homework help, and the teacher at that answered the door (who, by the way is the biggest d!ckhead) laughed a little when I asked to see my maths teacher, and said, "What do you need him for?" And now that I think about it, I feel like the biggest toolbag in all of history. I feel like its all his fault. Its his fault that I constantly felt really, super crappy about having feelings towards him, because I just know that he was laughing behind my back. But I guess this year I'm going to try to be a little more adult about things - I'm not going to windge and wine about stuff, and I'm not going to be negative and I'm not going to be a brat about things, and I'm not going to p!ss him off. I just want to stay out of his way, and I think the less I see him, the better it is for everyone.
I had this dream last night, which I think is where all this came from. It was the start of school, and we were all sitting at the tables outside the Bakery (Keep in mind that this is a dream. I have no control over the placement) and I was sitting with my maths teacher. And there was something about me trying to draw a clown, and he knew about it over the weekend, and he asked me if I did it, and how it was going, and then he said out loud "I wonder if I have to do orientation day?" and then we were doing something in a booklet, and a student walked over to him to ask a question, and he said, "Go see Ms. Farmer, I'm sure she knows" because we were talking. And then he gave me this really wierd look, and said something along the lines of "I have to go" (or something like that) and I felt like the biggest dweeb in all of history. So I think after I had that dream, I realised how stupid I must have sounded to him, and how much he didn't really care. Not that I blame him or anything for not really worrying much about what I said, he's human. He's a grown man, he had more important things to worry about than my teenage bullsh!t.

Farout, talk about ranting....

So the thing is, I got a job at the pub, but I kept my job at IGA. I was told that I would only be doing Friday nights, but I said that for the holidays, I would do some extra shifts. What I DIDN'T know, was that I would end up doing 4 shifts a week. On top of that, I've got my IGA hours (Monday and every second Saturday), and I've pretty much been working six days a week, and I'm sick of it. I would like a couple of days a week off before I go back to school in two weeks.

So I went to my boss (Janet) and I talked to her about it. I could have gotten my parents to talk to her, I could have been a b!tch about it, but I did the adult thing and decided to talk to her. Here is the conversation:

Me - "I feel like I'm getting too many hours. There's a few things I've got to do before I go back to school."
Janet - "I was under the impression that you wanted more hours over the holidays."
Me - "But in between IGA and here I'm not getting much time off."
Janet - "So THROW IGA they don't pay as much money!" "Look, the only reason I've put you on for so many days is because we don't have the staff."
Me - "Am I going to be getting this many hours when I go back to school?"
Janet - "I know I said that I'd only put you on Friday nights but we don't have the staff. So I can't give you any less than 2 nights a week even when you go back to school. Is that going to be a problem?" *PAUSE*
Me - "I.... Don't know...."
Janet - "Well, like I said, we don't have the staff for you to say no." "I'll have a look, but I need you to do at least two nights a week."
Me - "Ok, thanks Janet."

How much of a b!tch was she!? What right does she have to tell me to throw my other job! I came to the job, thinking that I would only be working one day a week, and she now tells me that even when I go back to school, I'll be doing at least two. So every second week, I'll be working at least 4 days out of seven. I'm really worried about how things are going to go with school, because from what I've heard, its going to be really different in terms of workload and what's expected. I really don't want to quit IGA, because as f&cked up as things might be, I really don't mind it! Janet had no right to make me feel like crap about it.

The thing is, Janet is friends with mum and dad. Mum and dad support me in this, and they agree that she's giving me too many hours, but I don't want them to have to fight all my battles. But Janet just made me feel really really small.... Then again, she always makes me feel small. The only reason I stay there is because of the pay -$15 an hour at the pub versus $8 an hour. I really don't know what to do..... Advice?

Okay, first - MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And....

OMGOD!!! For Christmas, I got tickets to see Pink in concert!!!! *GASP!!!!* *Passes out*

Thats amazing.... What did you guys get??

So I've been thinking about my subjects next year, and I'm doing Legal Studies via Virtual Schooling, which is presented by Brisbane School o' Distance Ed. The thing is, I'm not sure how it all works. Like, how is it presented? Do I go online, and talk to a teacher on webcam, or do I just get sent CD Roms and booklets to work out of, and just email my teacher? Has anyone on here ever done Distance Ed/Virtual Schooling?