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white_rabbit112

Teenage Depression: Fun for the whole family!!! :D

ok not really, but read this and tell how it sounds.....its for an article

Locked in an intertwiningly twisted sense of absolute desolation and the fiery pain of tormenting thoughts, some teens are plunged into their own eternal darkness. Nightmares mutate into visions which shroud all light and rule their waking hours in a cruel and unrelenting reign. Drenched in despair and cut off from the essence of their true being, these teens can no longer conceive of a retreat from the misery encroaching upon their very minds and souls; the ecstasy once found in life and its wonders is savagely drowned in storms of self-loathing and doubt. Unable to see hope through their eclipsing night many are led to irreversible tragedies and the often inevitable reflection of their broken bodies inside the mockingly brilliant crimson blood which drips so delicately from jagged wrists or the hollow indentation of a gun's swift end.

i know that was kinda long, so i pretty much luv u if u finished it

i'm bored so just entertain me with comments...after u tell me if the opening paragraph was good or not, and i want your honest opinion if i should change anything

Posted by white_rabbit112, 12/28/2007 8:12pm
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Spike_Fan_91827
Well, you don't know me so this comment will probably seem random, but I was just browzing around, looking at people's profiles out of boredom, and your blog title caught my attention. I read your opening paragraph and I found it very interesting. Nice use of adjectives and details; some sentences were a little lengthy, but the proper vocabulary balenced it out nicely. Overall, you wrote a great opening paragraph. Sorry for the randomness of my post, but it's midnight, I'm wide awake, and I'm extremely bored, thus prolonging writing this post in any way I can as an attempt to waste time. Have a super night; and happy impending new year.
Posted 12/28/2007 9:15pm
talonmalon333
Now THAT was good writing. Excellent job, White Rabbit!
Posted 12/28/2007 9:40pm
titiembe
The last sentence was kinda strange for me... but it was good
Posted 12/29/2007 5:38am
SuperMeteor
Interesting.
Posted 12/29/2007 5:54am
spiritwave
I think it was good, wasn't that long.
Posted 12/29/2007 7:52am
pc_fan03
It was good; I like the descriptions. But I don't like the word encroaching
Posted 12/29/2007 9:16am
glostlover
It was interesting and a great use of adjetives.
Posted 12/29/2007 9:30am
white_rabbit112
lol thanks

i know it was weird t randomly post this, but i just wanted some in-put on it
Posted 12/29/2007 10:03am
SuperMeteor
your welcome
Posted 12/29/2007 10:46am
talonmalon333
It looks great.
Three Cheers for White Rabbit!
Posted 12/29/2007 11:51am
titiembe
i cheered four times for more effect
Posted 12/29/2007 5:41pm
white_rabbit112
lmao
thanks again
Posted 12/30/2007 8:38am
SuperMeteor
Happy New Year !
Posted 12/30/2007 10:55am
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white_rabbit112
last online: 11:57pm Dec 31, 2008
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